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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Not So Subliminal Erotica

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

    Me: “Do you know this one?”

    Child: “That’s Popeye!”

    Me: “And this one?”

    Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

    (He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

    Me: “How about her?”

    Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

    Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

    (A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

    Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Family & Kids

    Customer: “I’d like to buy this video game for my son.”

    (I ring up Grand Theft Auto Vice City and looks at her 7 year old child.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’d like to advise you that this game is rated M for mature. It contains graphic vio–”

    Customer: “Listen here, I know video games.”

    Son: “Mommy I want it now!”

    Me: “You don’t understand, it’s very–”

    Customer: *yelling* “Are you going to sell me that game or not?!”

    Me: “I will sell you the game, but you must understand that it’s not intended for children.”

    Customer: “[Son] gets what he wants.”

    (Three hours go by and I’m standing near the register. The same customer walks in looking exasperated.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Is there a problem with the disk? We can exchange the disk for free if there’s anything wrong with it.”

    Customer: “No. It’s not that. I walked in on my son playing the game. I witnessed him stealing a car, driving up to a prostitute, having sex with her, and then running her over and then get out and collect the cash. When I asked him why he did this, he responded, ‘b**** ain’t gonna need that money, she’s dead!’”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence

    Grand Theft Innocence

    | Georgia, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: it’s illegal to sell games rated M to small children without parental consent. A young boy and girl, both about ten years old, bring a game well-known for violence, sex, and other child-inappropriate behavior to the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I need your parent’s permission before I can sell you this.”

    Kid #1: “Why? He said we can have it. We have the other ones. Just sell it to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your parent’s permission first.”

    Kid #2: “Fine. I’ll go get him. Daddy is in the car.”

    (The kid returns, followed by her irate dad.)

    Dad: “Why won’t you sell them this stupid game? I had to get out of the car because you can’t trust my children not to buy something they shouldn’t? I have good kids!”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, sir. It’s a law, though. I can get fired if I don’t make sure to get your permission.”

    Dad: “There’s nothing wrong with this game! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (My manager comes over and gets and ear-full from the guy. He explains how I’ve insulted him and his children by making him come inside.)

    Manager: “Well, sir, she’s absolutely right. This game is rated mature and has some pretty rough language and sexual content.”

    Dad: “Don’t you think I know what the game is? They have the other ones.”

    Manager: “I’m a little surprised, sir. I don’t allow my kids to play this game. It’s pretty violent.”

    Dad: “I turn the volume down! What kind of parent do you think I am?”

    Manager: “Well, sir, you can’t turn the volume down on beating a hooker with a baseball bat.”

    (The dad storms out of the store with his kids, all the while asking if they knew about the hookers and baseball bats.)

    E Is For Close Enough

    | Davenport, IA, USA | Family & Kids

    (Overheard in the video game section of a toy store.)

    Kid: “That’s the game!”

    (The father picks it up to read it as his child waits impatiently.)

    Kid: “That’s the one! Let’s go!”

    Father: “Hang on. I need to see if this is the right game for you.”

    Kid: “But it’s rated ‘E!’ ‘E’ stands for ‘Anybody!’”

    Unfortunately, Stupidity Is Forever

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I have reddish brown hair with the underside dyed teal. Today, my hair is up in a clip, which makes it very visible.)

    Customer: “Ugh, why would you do that to yourself?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do what?”

    Customer: “Dye your hair that awful color! Are you that desperate for attention?”

    Me: “No, teal is just my favorite color, and it makes me happy. And the great thing about hair is that it isn’t permanent.”

    Customer: “I don’t get you rebellious teenagers.”

    Me: “I’m 24 and very happily married. I’m not trying to rebel against anyone or anything. I just like teal, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why mommy has blue hair?”

    Me: “Oh, it’ll definitely be gone by then.”

    Customer: *walks out with a big tramp stamp sticking out from the bottom of her shirt*

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