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  • Category: Family & Kids

    He’ll Grow Up To Be A Fine Customer (From Hell) One Day

    | Newport, OR, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I’m helping visitors touch some of the animals on exhibit. One of the boys in the crowd is getting too rowdy with the snake I have out.)

    Me: “I’m going to need you to step back so someone else can have a turn.”

    Boy: “Why?”

    Me: “You’re being a little to rough with the animal. You can come back later, though.”

    Boy: “YOU ARE BEING RACIST!”

    Me: “Um…how?”

    Boy: “It’s because I’m black!”

    (Note: I’m white, and so is the boy.)

    Me: “Um, you’re white.”

    Boy: “Oh, so now you’re being a reverse racist!” *storms away*

    Your Comprehension Of Comprehension Is Incomprehensible

    | Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)

    Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”

    Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

    Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

    Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”

    So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

    From Wrong To Wronger

    | Mason, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

    (I’m working a game when an older man approaches me with his kid. Please note that I am 15 years old.)

    Guest: “Hey, so it’s my son’s 15th birthday and I really need your help to give him his birthday spankings.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Guest: “No, really, I need your help to give him his birthday spankings. I’ll hold him, you spank him!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not going to do that. That’s guest assault!”

    Guest: “Oh, c’mon! No it’s not! Look, will you marry me? Will you have my kids?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m 15 too!”

    Guest: “Oh.” *takes off at a very fast pace*

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