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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids

    (I hand out a vocabulary list to a class of 8-9 year olds.)

    Me: “Does anyone know any of the words?”

    Student: “I know what twilight means!”

    Me: “Go on, tell us what you think it means.”

    Student: “Actually, I’m not completely sure, but it’s got something to do with vampires…”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof

    | Alberta, Canada | Family & Kids

    (I am a receptionist at a local college and I am doing some follow-up calls for people who indicated they were interested in attending by filling out one of our forms.)

    Me: “Hi, is [name] there?”

    Woman: “Yes. May I ask who’s calling?”

    Me: “Yes, this is [name] from [college] calling. I’m just following up with the person who filled out a form for us saying they were interested in one of our programs. Do you know if they still are?”

    Woman: “That’s actually my son. He’s only 11 years old. Are you sure you have the right number?”

    (I double check the number and name on the forms with her, and they are correct.)

    Woman: *sighs* “Oh my God. Could he have done this online?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s very possible.”

    Woman: “Oh man, is he going to get it. Thanks for the call. We’re going to punish him for this!” *hangs up*

    The Not So Subliminal Erotica

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

    Me: “Do you know this one?”

    Child: “That’s Popeye!”

    Me: “And this one?”

    Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

    (He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

    Me: “How about her?”

    Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

    Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

    (A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

    Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Family & Kids

    Customer: “I’d like to buy this video game for my son.”

    (I ring up Grand Theft Auto Vice City and looks at her 7 year old child.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’d like to advise you that this game is rated M for mature. It contains graphic vio–”

    Customer: “Listen here, I know video games.”

    Son: “Mommy I want it now!”

    Me: “You don’t understand, it’s very–”

    Customer: *yelling* “Are you going to sell me that game or not?!”

    Me: “I will sell you the game, but you must understand that it’s not intended for children.”

    Customer: “[Son] gets what he wants.”

    (Three hours go by and I’m standing near the register. The same customer walks in looking exasperated.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Is there a problem with the disk? We can exchange the disk for free if there’s anything wrong with it.”

    Customer: “No. It’s not that. I walked in on my son playing the game. I witnessed him stealing a car, driving up to a prostitute, having sex with her, and then running her over and then get out and collect the cash. When I asked him why he did this, he responded, ‘b**** ain’t gonna need that money, she’s dead!’”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence

    Grand Theft Innocence

    | Georgia, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: it’s illegal to sell games rated M to small children without parental consent. A young boy and girl, both about ten years old, bring a game well-known for violence, sex, and other child-inappropriate behavior to the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I need your parent’s permission before I can sell you this.”

    Kid #1: “Why? He said we can have it. We have the other ones. Just sell it to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your parent’s permission first.”

    Kid #2: “Fine. I’ll go get him. Daddy is in the car.”

    (The kid returns, followed by her irate dad.)

    Dad: “Why won’t you sell them this stupid game? I had to get out of the car because you can’t trust my children not to buy something they shouldn’t? I have good kids!”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, sir. It’s a law, though. I can get fired if I don’t make sure to get your permission.”

    Dad: “There’s nothing wrong with this game! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (My manager comes over and gets and ear-full from the guy. He explains how I’ve insulted him and his children by making him come inside.)

    Manager: “Well, sir, she’s absolutely right. This game is rated mature and has some pretty rough language and sexual content.”

    Dad: “Don’t you think I know what the game is? They have the other ones.”

    Manager: “I’m a little surprised, sir. I don’t allow my kids to play this game. It’s pretty violent.”

    Dad: “I turn the volume down! What kind of parent do you think I am?”

    Manager: “Well, sir, you can’t turn the volume down on beating a hooker with a baseball bat.”

    (The dad storms out of the store with his kids, all the while asking if they knew about the hookers and baseball bats.)


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