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    Category: Family & Kids

    Practice What You Preach (Please)

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m serving a mother and her two children.)

    Me: “Are you ready to order?”

    Mother: “Tell the lady what you would like.”

    Son: “I’ll have the chicken fingers.”

    Mother: “Say please!”

    Son: *sheepishly* “Please.”

    Mother: “And what would you like?”

    Daughter: “A hot dog!”

    Mother: “Say please!”

    Daughter: “Please.”

    Mother: “And I’ll have the fried clams.”

    (She never did say “please”.)

    A Chip Off The Non-biological Block

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Family & Kids

    (It is the end of our day camp, and all of the parents are coming in to pick up their children.)

    Me: “Look, [child]! Your mom is here. You know, you look just like her!”

    Child: “No! I wanna look like my daddy!”

    Mother, to my coworker and me: *quietly* “He doesn’t look like his dad at all, if you know what I mean.”

    (The mother and child leave.)

    Coworker: “I hope she meant that his father has a bunch of recessive traits.”

    Honestly (Not) Abe

    | Lebanon, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work as a cashier at a popular retail store in a town that is near Amish and Mennonite communities. It is not unusual to see them around town.)

    Boy: “Look mommy! It’s Abraham Lincoln!”

    (Confused, his mother and I look where he is pointing and see an Amish gentleman standing off to the side looking a bit out of place. At this point, both his mother and I are having a hard time keeping a straight face.)

    Me: “No sweetie. That’s not Abraham Lincoln. He’s Amish.”

    (The little boy gasps and his eyes widen in disbelief. He leans forward and whispers to me.)

    Boy: “You mean, he’s allowed in here?”

    Me: “Of course he is! This store welcomes everyone’s money!”

    (The little boy stares at the man, shocked, as I finish ringing up his mothers purchases.)

    Boy: *as they’re leaving* “Bye, Mr. Lincoln!”

    Ask Again And You’ll Get Slytherin

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (This takes place when I am hosting a release party for one of the Harry Potter books. As kids come in, we “sort” them into a Hogwarts house by having them choose a sticker from a sorting hat.)

    Me: “Welcome! Would you like to get sorted into a Hogwarts House?”

    (The daughter of a customer reaches into the hat and pulls her hand out to reveal a Ravenclaw sticker.)

    Customer: “Ravenclaw?! Hey, buddy, she really wanted Gryffindor. Let her pick again.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. All the Sorting Hat’s decisions are final.”

    Customer: “Just give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “I don’t think that would be fair. All the other kids picked and stuck with their choice. And we’re actually getting ready to start an activity for the Ravenclaw kids, so–”

    Customer: “No daughter of mine is getting stuck with those weird Ravenclaw kids! She’s clearly a Gryffindor!”

    Daughter: “Actually, Daddy, I like Ravenclaw. That’s where all the smart kids go!”

    Customer: “Screw that! Who wants to hang out with the nerds? Give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “Okay, here you go!”

    Customer: “Finally! I’m going to talk to the manager about you.”

    (As they walk away the customer loudly teases his daughter for wanting to live with the smart kids. He did complain to my manager, but we just had a good laugh about it afterwards.)

    Kids Say The @#$%est Things

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer comes through my line with a small child.)

    Me: “Aww! How old is your son?”

    Customer: “He’s 4. Isn’t he adorable?”

    Me: “He is.”

    Customer: “Say hi to the nice lady.”

    Son: “F*** you.”

    Me: *shocked*

    Customer: “Isn’t he just precious?”


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