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    Category: Family & Kids

    Momma Likes To Wine And Whine

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working at a daycare and eating my lunch while the kids are having nap time. One of the kids, a two-year-old girl, has woken up early this day.)

    Child: “[My name] drinking Diet Pepsi?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m drinking a soda.”

    Child: “Daddy drink Diet Pepisi.”

    Me: “Daddy drinks Diet Pepsi?”

    Child: “Yeah.”

    Me: “[Child's name] doesn’t drink Diet Pepsi, right?”

    Child: “No, [child's name] drink juice. Daddy drink Diet Pepsi. Momma drink wine.”

    Me: “Momma drinks wine?”

    Child: “Uh, huh. Momma drink wine. Momma drink a LOT of wine.”

    You Must Be Smoking

    | BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work in a 100% non-smoking hotel. A lady and her son check in. Ten minutes later, she storms down, son in tow.)

    Lady: “You said we had a non-smoking room! My room smells like smoke.”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that we are a 100% non-smoking hotel. However, it is possible that someone illegally smoked in your room. I would be happy to change you to a different room if you prefer.”

    Lady: “No! We are already unpacked, and it is too much hassle. But my son has lung cancer and he gets very sick if he is anywhere near smoke. You need to discount our room.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to discount your room for you. As I mentioned before, I would be happy to help you change rooms into something more satisfactory. We don’t want your son to get sick from the room smell.”

    Lady: *shouting* “I want a free room! You’re going to kill my son!”

    (At this point, my manager comes out and reiterates that we would be happy to move their room, but would not be discounting their stay. The lady leaves in a huff. The next day, I see her outside smoking; her son is sitting forlornly 3 feet away.)

    Crushes Ice, Fruits, And Souls

    | Apopka, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work in a retail home store. A mother walks past with her young child. The child is trying to get the mother’s attention by pointing out neat appliances.)

    Girl: “Mommy! Look at this blender thingy! It’s so cool! Look at what it does!”

    Me: “Sorry, dear. The picture on the box is just showing different things it can make using the same machine. It can’t actually mix both cookie dough and slurpees in the same canister.”

    (The child contemplates this for a moment as the mother walks by obliviously. She gets a look on her face as though I have completely crushed her only existence for living. She slinks away after her family, jaded from her new knowledge, to another part of the store and I don’t see them again for the rest of the evening.)

    Reading Is Addictive

    | Colorado, USA | Family & Kids

    (Two kids in the 10 to 12-year old range come to the register with 3 different marijuana-themed magazines.)

    Me: “Um, I don’t think I can sell you those.”

    Kids: “But our mom says it’s okay.”

    Me: “Is she even in the store?”

    (Their mother comes over a few minutes later and buys the magazines.)

    Mother: “As long as they’re reading, right?”

    Related:
    Reading Is Infectious

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5

    | Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (Note: 40 degrees Celsius is about 104 degrees Fahrenheit.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hi, I’ll need you to come and pick up your son right away. He’s not feeling very well.”

    Mother: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “He’s running a 40 degree temperature.”

    Mother: “Oh. No, he’s fine. That’s normal.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry?”

    Mother: “Don’t worry about him, love. That’s normal. He’s a werewolf, you know. Werewolves run hot. Didn’t you know that?”

    (It takes me a few moments, but I realize she’s perfectly serious.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still think you need to take him to the doctor.”

    Mother: “Ugh, fine. I’ll come and get him, but the doctor will only say what I told you!”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

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