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    Category: Family & Kids

    One Foto In The Grave

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working the photo center of a thrill ride, where people can look at and buy the photo taken of them in their ride car. An older couple comes up and orders their picture.)

    Older lady: “I don’t need a bag. My kids and grandkids are right over there.” *points to a corner of the store*

    Me: “Sure thing. Here’s your printed picture. How does it look?”

    Older lady: *taking the photo* “That’s great! They’re gonna love it when we’re dead!” *walks off*

    Staying (Six Feet) Under The Radar

    | Orono, ME, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: I work at a college financial aid office, and am speaking with the parents of a student.)

    Parent: “And why do you need my information?”

    Me: “We need the parents’ information for dependent students because they are still technically relying on their parents.”

    Parent: “What if I was dead?”

    Me: “But sir, you’re not dead.”

    Parent: “But what if I was dead? What if I die?”

    Me: “Well, sir, both parents would need to die and you are, in fact, not dead.”

    Parent: *angrily* “Fine, I’ll send the information!” *click*

    Those Mosquitoes Can Bite Me

    | Dewitt, MI, USA | Family & Kids

    (This happened a couple of summers ago. It had been a wet and warm summer, so the mosquitoes had been abnormally bad. So, when a young two-and-a-half-year-old boy come through my lane I tried to make conversation…)

    Me: “Hi there, buddy!”

    Boy: *big smile* “Hi!”

    Me: “Looks like some mosquitoes bit ‘cha.”

    Boy: “Yeah! Here…”

    (He points to a bite on his arm.)

    Boy: “Here…”

    (He points to another bite on the same arm.)

    Boy: “Here…”

    (He points to yet another bite on the same arm.)

    Boy: “And here!”

    (The last bite is on his middle finger, which he shows me by flipping me off.)

    Both the mother and me: *laughing hysterically*

    Momma Likes To Wine And Whine

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working at a daycare and eating my lunch while the kids are having nap time. One of the kids, a two-year-old girl, has woken up early this day.)

    Child: “[My name] drinking Diet Pepsi?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m drinking a soda.”

    Child: “Daddy drink Diet Pepisi.”

    Me: “Daddy drinks Diet Pepsi?”

    Child: “Yeah.”

    Me: “[Child's name] doesn’t drink Diet Pepsi, right?”

    Child: “No, [child's name] drink juice. Daddy drink Diet Pepsi. Momma drink wine.”

    Me: “Momma drinks wine?”

    Child: “Uh, huh. Momma drink wine. Momma drink a LOT of wine.”

    You Must Be Smoking

    | BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (I work in a 100% non-smoking hotel. A lady and her son check in. Ten minutes later, she storms down, son in tow.)

    Lady: “You said we had a non-smoking room! My room smells like smoke.”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that we are a 100% non-smoking hotel. However, it is possible that someone illegally smoked in your room. I would be happy to change you to a different room if you prefer.”

    Lady: “No! We are already unpacked, and it is too much hassle. But my son has lung cancer and he gets very sick if he is anywhere near smoke. You need to discount our room.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to discount your room for you. As I mentioned before, I would be happy to help you change rooms into something more satisfactory. We don’t want your son to get sick from the room smell.”

    Lady: *shouting* “I want a free room! You’re going to kill my son!”

    (At this point, my manager comes out and reiterates that we would be happy to move their room, but would not be discounting their stay. The lady leaves in a huff. The next day, I see her outside smoking; her son is sitting forlornly 3 feet away.)

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