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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Son You Wish You Had

    | Concord, NH, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays

    (I am a greeter for the line to get pictures taken with Santa. A young mother and her two-year-old walk in.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you folks doing today? Some little guy sure is adorable!”

    Mom: “Hi! Oh, thanks! He looks just like Justin Bieber!”

    Me: “Er…congratulations?”

    Can’t Take The Heat, No Daughter Of Mine

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m working in a very specialized area of our store where we make wax models out of our customer’s hands.)

    Me: “It’s a little intense for smaller kids, as it’s kind of hot.”

    Customer: “My daughter can handle it. She’ll be fine.”

    (I begin the process of making the model of the little girl’s hand. She begins to cry.)

    Me: “You’re doing fine. We’re halfway done.”

    Daughter: “But it’s hot!”

    Customer: “Oh, suck it up, you’ll be fine!”

    Never Send A Man To Do A Woman’s Job

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work for a company that hosts kids’ parties. One party is coming in just as another is leaving, and in the chaos, a gay couple and their daughter are getting overlooked. At the time, I am the only female on duty.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sirs?”

    Customer: “We just bought a ball, but we don’t know how to blow it up.”

    (I take the family to the pump and show their daughter how to use it. Her dads thank me profusely and one of them makes sure to comment.)

    Customer: “That’s proof, Charlotte. If you want something done right, you have to ask a woman.”

    Age Is But A Number

    | UK | Family & Kids

    (A girl, no older than 7, is counting items on the shelves.)

    Me: “So, you like to count? What’s your favorite number?”

    Girl: *cheerfully* “69!”

    Me: *pause and glance at her mother* “Oh, that’s gr–”

    Mother: *nervously* “Uh, um, her grandma just turned 69 today. She didn’t mean that!” *drags her daughter away*

    The Terrors Of Terminology

    | Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

    Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation


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