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    Category: Family & Kids

    This iPhone Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

    | Cedar Park, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m putting up items in the electronics section at my store. A small child is playing with a phone on display. The mother notices, grabs the phone, and puts it down.)

    Mother: “Son, don’t play with that!”

    Son: “Why not?”

    Mother: “You’re not smart, so you don’t need a smartphone!”

    Forbidden Fruits (& Veggies)

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A middle-aged woman, her mother, and her three year old walk into my sandwich shop.)

    Mother: *to child* “What do you want today?”

    Child: “A samminch!”

    Mother: “Okay, what kind?”

    Child: “A samminch!”

    Mother: “Do you want turkey?”

    Child: “NO!”

    Mother: “Do you want ham?”

    Child: “NO!”

    Mother: “I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO VEGETARIAN!”

    Patience Is Priceless

    | USA | Family & Kids, Money, Top

    (Today I am the only teller working at the bank, as the rest of my coworkers have called in sick. A little boy whose head barely peeks over the counter waves his hand with a bag of coins in it.)

    Boy: “I want to put this on my savings account! I worked hard! I’m saving money for my girlfriend’s birthday!”

    (As it happens the cash counting machine is broken, so I have to count them by hand.)

    Me: “All right, let’s see how much you got there!” *starts adding up the pennies*

    (The customer behind the boy, an elderly woman, is growing very impatient.)

    Woman: “Oh, come on! I’ve got more to do!”

    Me: “Just a moment, ma’am.” *continues counting*

    Woman: *angry* “Hurry up! My time is valuable!”

    Me: *finally finished counting* “That’s $31.75! You can buy her a handsome gift!”

    Boy: *smiles* “Yeah, she’ll be happy! Bye!” *rushes outside*

    Me: “Bye!” *to the woman* “How can I help you?”

    Woman: *confused* “Oh…I forgot…”

    Me: “Please step aside, then, so I can help the next customer…”

    Woman: *face turns red, mumbles, leaves the bank*

    We Will We Will Praise You

    | Ohio, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

    Teacher: “I like this song!”

    Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

    Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

    Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.’”

    Teacher: “Um—”

    Me: “Close enough.”

    Future Budget Oversight Leaders Of America

    | USA | Family & Kids

    (I overhear a little boy around five years old asking his mother for lots of expensive toys.)

    Mother: “We can’t afford six. Just pick one and put the rest back.”

    Boy: “Just tell daddy to stop drinking beer this month!”

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