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  • Category: Family & Kids

    A Sign Of The Times

    | Manitou Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: I am working the ticket counter giving out prizes. A guy and his teenage daughter are examining a glass display case with stuff inside. Suddenly, the daughter backs up a foot and launches herself directly into the case, almost knocking it over.)

    Me: “Please do NOT push on the glass!”

    Father: *angrily* “Well, there should be a sign or something! How was she supposed to know that would happen?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but people don’t generally throw themselves in to our GLASS cases.”

    Father: “Well, there should be a sign! Geeze!” *storms out*

    Butting In

    | Ridgewood, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

    (My job involves calling people to set up demos. During one such phone call, the following occurs.)

    Me: “Hello, is [name] there?”

    Customer: “No, she’s not at home right now. This is her husband.”

    Me: “Okay, is there a better time for me to reach her?”

    (Suddenly, I hear someone pick up the phone. It’s a child’s voice, and very audible.)

    Young Voice:Hello?

    Customer: *ignores her* “Well, what are you calling in reference to?”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: “I’m friends with [friend], and she said your wife might be nice enough to help me out with something.”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Customer: *to his kid* “One second, sweetie.” *to me* “You know, why don’t I take a message?”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: “Yeah, that works, too.”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Customer: “Okay, what’s your name?”

    Me: “I’m [name].”

    Young Voice:Dad? Can you come upstairs, please?

    Customer: *to his kid* “Just give me a minute!” *to me* “And how do you spell that?”

    Me: *I spell it out*

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Customer: “And your phone number?”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: “It’s [area code]—”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: *says the next three digits*

    Young Voice:DAD? DAAAAAD?

    Customer: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Me: *repeats the next three digits*

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: *says the next four digits*

    Young Voice:DAD!

    Customer: “Just a minute, please!” *to me* “Could you repeat that again?”

    Me: *repeats the next four digits*

    Customer: “Okay, so that’s [name] at [phone number]. I’ll make sure she gets that. Thanks.”

    Young Voice:DAD, I NEED YOU TO COME UPSTAIRS AND WIPE MY BUTT!

    Customer: *click*

    The Scales Will Never Fall From Her Eyes

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I am a female working in a reptile store, so it’s fairly common for people to question why I would be interested in snakes and lizards. On this particular day, I’m helping a woman and her 6-year-old daughter hold a snake.)

    Customer: “So, do you have any reptiles of your own at home?”

    Me: “Oh yes, I have a ton.” *laughs*

    Customer: “How does that affect your dating life? I mean, boys can’t possibly think that’s attractive in a girl!”

    (The customer’s question has caught me off guard, but I try to remain friendly.)

    Me: “Um, it doesn’t really have an effect. It’s not usually an issue.”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, can I get a pet snake?!”

    Customer: “No, sweetie. We want YOU to have boyfriends.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Respect Your Zombie Elders

    | Delaware, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

    Customer: “How dare you.”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

    Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “That!”

    (The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

    Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

    (The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

    My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”

    Team Awkward

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

    (I am a customer in line behind a middle-aged woman who is buying a DVD. She’s been very nervous throughout the whole transaction.)

    Customer: “Oh, dear…I will have to hide this DVD when I get home!”

    Cashier: “Oh really? Why?”

    Customer: “My children don’t like this movie. I will have to watch it when they’re not home. I’m gonna have to hide it somewhere!” *leaves*

    Coworker: “What was she buying?”

    Cashier:Twilight.”

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