Small child: “Mommy! I just saw a fish that was as big as Aunt Karen!”
Mom: “There is NO fish that’s as big as Aunt Karen.”
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
(I’m refereeing a dodgeball game at a widely known indoor trampoline park. I am currently watching over a little kids game. The mother of a crying child approaches me.)
Mother: “Excuse me, but why is my son out?! Is he not allowed to play or something?”
Me: “Ma’am, your son was hit with the ball.”
Mother: “What do you mean?! That other kid clearly targeted my son!”
Me: “I’m sure he did…this is dodgeball.”
Mother: “I don’t get it.”
Me: “You have to dodge balls. If you are hit with a ball in dodgeball, you are out.”
Mother: “This is just stupid!” *leaves with her crying child*
(A female customer who looks to be in her late thirties is at the counter asking about upcoming games releases for her 10-12 year old son, who is looking through the games on display. He runs up to the counter.)
Child: “Mummy, mummy, can I have this game?”
(He hands the 18+ rated game “Dead Island” to his mom, who looks at the back of the box.)
Woman: *disgusted* “You’re not having this! Look, it’s got a man hitting a zombie with an axe on the back! I’ve got no problem with you shooting people, but an axe?!”
(A kid walks into the store and brings “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” up to the counter. He’s no more than 11.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you rent that game. It’s for over 18 only.”
Kid: “My mom lets me play this all the time!”
Me: “Well, you’ll have to get her to rent it for you then.”
(The kid stomps off and returns with his mother. She brings the game up.)
Customer: “I want to rent this.”
Me: “Well, I should tell you that it is a very violent game.”
Customer: “I don’t mind that.”
Me: “Well, in this game, you can actually pick up a hooker and beat her to death afterwards to get back your money. There’s loads of graphic violence and bad language.”
Customer: *alarmed* “Bad language?” *turns to her son* “Darren, you know you’re not allowed things with bad language!” *grabs him by the arm and storms out with him in tow*
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence
In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.
March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!
- She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
- When Press Comes To Shove:
A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
- The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
- Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
- So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.