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    Category: Family & Kids

    From Wrong To Wronger

    | Mason, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

    (I’m working a game when an older man approaches me with his kid. Please note that I am 15 years old.)

    Guest: “Hey, so it’s my son’s 15th birthday and I really need your help to give him his birthday spankings.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Guest: “No, really, I need your help to give him his birthday spankings. I’ll hold him, you spank him!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not going to do that. That’s guest assault!”

    Guest: “Oh, c’mon! No it’s not! Look, will you marry me? Will you have my kids?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m 15 too!”

    Guest: “Oh.” *takes off at a very fast pace*

    She’s Free Years Old

    | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids

    Customer: “Hi, how old to children have to be ’til they have to pay admission?”

    Me: “Four years old. Three and under are free.”

    Customer: “One adult and one three year old, then.”

    Daughter: “But daddy, I’m four now.”

    Customer: “In a minute, darling.”

    Daughter: “Daddy, I’m four!”

    She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2

    | Brisbane, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top, Underaged

    (I work in a well-known alcohol retailer. There are a number of signs that state in large, bold print that it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors all over the store. Also, for our store there is no “the customer is always right” rule when dealing with alcohol: the law takes precedence. Anyway, I’m preparing to close the store when a woman rushes in).

    Customer: “Thank f*** you’re still open! I need a present for my daughter’s 16th birthday. She loves bourbon. What do you recommend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say “16th” birthday? Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors. I cannot serve you, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

    Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? She’s my daughter. I can buy her booze if I want to!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid not. As these signs quite clearly state, it is illegal to purchase or supply alcohol to a minor. This does not make a distinction as to whether you’re a parent or not. Truth be told, as a parent, you should know better.”

    Customer: “She’s my f***ing daughter and I’ll buy her f***ing alcohol if I f***ing want to! Now shut the f*** up and do your job!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am doing my job. Obeying the law is a very big part of my job, as [corporation name] takes a very dim view of staff members who breach the responsible service of alcohol laws. Now please leave my store.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU THEN! I’m not buying the booze for her. I’m buying it for me! Now f*** you and sell it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ve already told me it’s for her. I’m not selling you anything. What you’re asking me, a complete stranger, to do is break a Federal Law and put myself at risk of over $90,000 in fines, the loss of my job and never being able to work anywhere that sells alcohol again. I’m not willing to do that for my family, so why would I do that for a rude customer?”

    Customer: “Who the f*** do you think you are to say no to me? Do you know who I am?!”

    Me: “Someone who has absolutely no care for the law, her children or their well-being, and had better get the f*** out of my store right now before I physically throw you out and call the police?”

    Customer: *shuts up and flees*

    Related:
    He Fought The Law, And The Law Won
    She Fought The Law, And The Law Won

    Please Don’t Get P’ed Off

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m walking towards a children’s movie to clean it out after the show. A woman and her son walk out and wave me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but my son had an accident in your theater.”

    Me: “What kind of accident?”

    Customer: “He peed in the seat. He was so busy watching the movie that he forgot to go.”

    Me: “I understand. If you could just tell me which seats you were sitting in, I’ll go clean them out.”

    Customer: “The ones with the pee in the seat, I think…”

    Don’t Fool Around With Daycare

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids

    Caller: “Hey, you take care of kids?”

    Me: “Yes. What ages and times are you needing?”

    Caller: “Well, I got six kids and I need them outta here while I do my thang.”

    Me: “Your ‘thang’?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I can’t get my mack on with all them d*** kids runnin’ around. So, could you take them from like…8pm to 3 or 4am?”

    Me: “I don’t do overnight care, sir. I’m sorry.”

    Caller: “That’s okay. By the way, are you married?”

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