November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Family & Kids

Borderline Stupidity

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am behind two boys in line. They pile a bunch of coolers on the counter, and try to pay with American money.)

Cashier: “Could I see some ID, please?”

(Boy #1 waves his hand like Obi-Wan.)

Boy #1: “Oh, you don’t need to see our IDs.”

Cashier: “Uh, actually, I do.”

Boy #2: “It’s okay; we’re both 21!”

Cashier: “Drinking age in Ontario is 19.”

Boy #2: “Oh. Well, we’re both 19, then.”

Cashier: “Do you even have identification?”

Boy #1: “Fine! Here!”

(He throws a card on the counter.)

Cashier: “The government doesn’t consider this valid ID.”

Boy #1: “OH COME ON!”

Cashier: “…and this American state driver’s licence says you’re 16.”

Boy #2: “F****** Canadians!”

Brace(let) Yourself For The New Generation

| OH, USA | Family & Kids, One-Liners

(My friends and I are running a babysitting service for Valentine’s Day. The kids we are watching range from two to nine years old. I’m sitting with the oldest kid, making bracelets with her.)

9-Year-Old Girl: “Have you seen that YouTube video X-Box Girls Get Revenge?”

(This video has a lot of cussing and sexual jokes.)

Me: “Yes, I have. I think the real question here is why have you seen it?”

9-Year-Old Girl: “What?”

Me: “That stuff is aimed at high-school and college students, not third graders.”

9-Year-Old Girl: “Well, third graders have changed.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

9-Year-Old Girl: “Yeah! We’re a lot more mature and independent!”

Me: “Uh… huh.”

9-Year-Old Girl: “Now, can you tie this bracelet for me, please?”

Needs To See The Parenting Section

| NY, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

(Two brothers start fighting over a toy in the Children’s Room. They aren’t listening to their mother, who is trying to select books to take home.)

Me: “If you boys can’t share nicely with that toy, I’ll have to put it away so neither of you can play.”

Boys: “Okay, miss [my name].”

Mother: “Thank you. They never listen to me.”

(The boys start fighting again. I go in and take the toy away, putting it up out of reach. The boys start crying in unison.)

Boys: “Mommy!”

Mother: *to me* “I can’t believe you really took it away! That’s so mean!”

(She grabs the boys and they leave. I am speechless, but now I know why they never listen to their mother!)

Tire Of This Dispute

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

(I am in the waiting room at a local tire place. A pickup truck squeals into the parking lot. A guy storms out and into the store. He demands a manager so he could dispute his son’s tire bill.)

Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

Guy: “My son was in here earlier today, and you overcharged him! It shouldn’t have been [first amount]; it should have been [second amount]!”

Manager: “I quoted your son—as I do all customers—both amounts, sir. He chose the [first amount] option.”

Guy: “No, you didn’t! He said that you only gave him the [second amount] option. That’s too much for the menial service you provided.”

Manager: “I wouldn’t have done that, sir. I quoted him both options, and he chose the [second amount] option. He wanted, and I quote, ‘blingy-er rims’.”

(The guy realizes that he hasn’t been overcharged, and stops looming over the manager.)

Guy: “It just isn’t right that my boy has to use up his whole paycheck on tires! He’s a hardworking boy. It’s just isn’t right!”

Manager: “No, sir. It just isn’t right that I should have to dock my own paycheck, just so your son can keep his paycheck intact.”

Me: “That’s what paychecks are for, right? Paying someone for a well-deserved service and paying for necessities such as tires, right?”

(The guy turns beet red and leaves. My manager turns to me.)

Manager: “If he keeps squealing his tires like that, he’ll be back within the next month to get them replaced.”

Driving Miss Crazy, Part 4

| Billings, MT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(A older driver is trying to park her car in the lower parking lot of the events center. We have the lower parking lot blocked off to be used by volunteers.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Can I ask you to move your car to the upper parking lot? The lower parking lot is closed. It’s blocked off for the volunteers for today’s event.”

(She refuses to move her car. We get an officer to tell her to move her car, or get towed. She reluctantly gets in her car, and pulls up 50 feet, but still in the lower parking lot. Volunteers are sitting in my car warming up from the cold weather.)

Me: “Ma’am, you will have to move your car to the upper parking lot.”

Driver: “I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! These people are leaving; I can park here.”

Me: “No, ma’am. They are warming up. They are volunteers. You will have to park in the upper parking lot.”

(The driver’s granddaughter in the back seat chimes in.)

Driver’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, just park up there.”

Driver: “No! This is my spot. These people had better leave, or I will just ram them out of my spot. My spot!”

Me: “Listen, lady. I will stand right here so you understand. You will not be parking here. It’s only a two minute walk from the upper parking lot.”

Driver: “F*** you!”

(The driver ends up driving through the whole volunteer parking lot looking for a spot, then decides to go to the upper parking lot. I think the altercation is over, until she comes back down, grabbing me by the arm.)

Driver:See! This car just parked here. That other car left, and you allowed this white car to park here.”

Me: “That wasn’t the spot you were trying to park in. You were trying to park where that blue car is in front of that blue truck.”

Driver: “Bull-s***! You’re lying!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was my car you were threatening to ram. My friends were sitting in that car trying to warm up. They are volunteers. I suggest you calm down, and enjoy this family fun event.”

Driver’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, he is right. That’s the car up there!”

Driver: “F*** you both!”

Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3