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  • Category: Family & Kids

    Hersight Is 20/20

    | Illinois, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m pregnant, and have just had an ultrasound that has confirmed that I am having a boy. The guest in question is a regular every weekend.)

    Guest: “Oh, you’re pregnant!”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    (The guest reaches out and grabs my stomach.)

    Guest: “It’s a girl! I can tell, and I’m never wrong!”

    Me: “Actually, I’m having a boy.”

    Guest: “No, you’re not. I am never wrong. It’s definitely a girl!”

    (Every time I see the guest after this, she informs the table that I’m having a girl, and emphatically states that she is never, ever wrong about these things. After my son is born, the first time I see her at work, she flags me over to her table again.)

    Guest: “Oh, you had your baby! Did you have a boy or a girl?”

    Me: *laughing* “I had a boy.”

    Guest: “Congratulations! See? I told you that I was never wrong! I knew that it was a boy all along!”

    Better Late Than Clever, Part 2

    | Melbourne, Australia | Family & Kids, Money

    (A kid of 11 or 12 approaches the ticket sales counter.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Kid: “Can I have a ticket for [movie]?”

    Me: “Which session time were you after?”

    Kid: “The one on now.”

    Me: “Okay, are you sure? This session has already started, and I think about 10 minutes into the actual film.”

    Kid: “No, that’s okay.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be [price].”

    Kid: “Can I get a discount?”

    Me: “What for?”

    Kid: “I missed some of my movie.”

    Me: “Um, you’re asking me for a discount because YOU turned up late to the movie?”

    Kid: “…Yeah.”

    Me: *shakes head*

    Kid: “Oh well, it was worth a try!”

    Related:
    Better Late Than Clever

    This Apple Doesn’t Foul Far From The Tree

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a community college library. I am passing through the kid’s room, where students often leave their children while they study, when I witness a small boy push a girl down over a toy.)

    Little Boy: *to the little girl* “F***ing C**t!!”

    (Shocked and offended by his foul language, I march straight into the room, snatch him up by the arm, and physically drag him, bawling and squalling into the main library, where his mother is talking on her cell phone.)

    Me: “I’m going to tell your mom EXACTLY what you said to that little girl—”

    Mom: *into her phone* “Hold on…” *to me* “Hey! HEY! What the F*** are you doing to my boy!? F***ING B***H!”

    Bigotry Loves Company

    | Sandusky, OH, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Note: I am gay, but I seem to be an ‘under the radar’ one; no one ever guesses it, but I don’t hide it, either. I also have a boyfriend, and we plan on getting engaged soon. I’m working as a lifeguard on the lazy river late in the evening. I lean in and do a corner check to scan for small children. I see a mother and her daughter in very revealing clothing pass by on a two-person tube.)

    Mother: *to me* “Don’t be looking at my daughter’s boobs! She’s a Christian girl!”

    Daughter: *blushes, embarrassed*

    Me: “Ma’am, I can promise I do not care about her boobs and was merely doing my job.”

    Mother: “Yeah, right! You mean staring at all the young girls like a perv! Only reason young men work here!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m here working to save for me and my soon to be fiancé.”

    Daughter: “Mom, just let—”

    Mother: “Yeah, a fiancée! Too bad you’re cheating on her by staring at ALL this!” *gestures to herself*

    (I point to my necklace with a promise ring I got from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have a betrothed, and both Jay and I would be very surprised if I cheated or stared at a woman.”

    Mother and Daughter: *jaws drop* “You’re a f**!”

    Me: “I prefer homosexual, but yes, if you prefer.”

    (At this point they are reaching a turn in the river. The mother creates a cross with her fingers, and kicks her feet to get away. This river section horseshoes back, so I see them 10 seconds later.)

    Mother: “YOU’RE GOING TO H***, YOU F**!”

    Me: “Only if I’m working to guard your lava pit, my dear!”

    Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (The following happens when a well-dressed man comes in with bags full of sweets and gifts.)

    Customer: “What’s your favorite flavor?!”

    Me: “I like the lemon.”

    Customer: “Then, give me that! A large! It’s for my wife!” *shakes with excitement*

    Me: “I guess those presents and sweets are for her, too?”

    Customer: *shakes with even more excitement* “YES! Yes they are!”

    Me: “Here you go. That will be five dollars—”

    Customer: *unable to contain himself* “MY WIFE IS PREGNANT! PREGNANT! I’m going to have a little son or daughter! HIGH FIVE!”

    (The customer proceeds to high five me over the register and throws a bill onto the table.)

    Customer: “I’m going to be a dad! Keep the change!” *skips out of the store*

    (The bill he threw? It was $50!)

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