Category: Family & Kids

What A Touching Thing To Say

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Family & Kids, Technology

(I work in a toy shop, so I often end up having conversations with kids while their parents go through the tills.)

Me: *scans an expensive toy* “Wow, is this for you?”

Little Girl: “Yes! It’s my birthday! And I got an iPod Touch, too!”

Me: “Wow! I didn’t get an iPod until I was 22.”

Little Girl: “Maybe your mum doesn’t love you.”

Needs A Stern Conversation With Her Son

| Medford, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(It is 1993. I am working the register when an elderly woman comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “Do you have that book, Body Parts?”

Me: “Hmm, I don’t know that one by name, but let’s see if we can find it. Who’s the author?”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s that new story, Body PartsBody Parts.”

Me: “Hmm, okay, just give me one second to look it up so we can find it on the shelves. All our fiction is alphabetical by author.”

(I look it up in our primitive computer, and find an old book.)

Me: “Well, I don’t have that book here, but I can order it for you. It would take one to two weeks.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have it? My son says it’s a bestseller! You should have a lot of them! He saw it here and I want to get it for him for his birthday!”

Me: “Actually, it’s a few years old and we haven’t had it in the store for some time now. When’s his birthday? Maybe I can get it in time.”

Customer: “No, he saw it here yesterday! Body Parts! It’s a bestseller.”

Me: *flash of recognition* “Wait, a bestseller, right? Are you looking for Private Parts by Howard Stern?”

Customer: “That’s what I said! Private Parts! Private Parts!”

(The woman is now yelling the correct name of the book. Other customers turn to look and giggle.)

Me: “Of course, Private Parts. Sorry, I must have heard you wrong. Right this way.”

(I bring her to the best sellers rack and hand her a copy of the book. The cover has a photo of the disk jockey Howard Stern, naked, but holding a cloth over his private parts.)

Me: “Is this the book?”

Customer: *squints through her glasses at the book* “Oh! This is disgusting! Ugh! My no-good son’s gonna get it!”

(She drops the book on the floor and walks out in a huff.)

Real Superheroes Are In The Running

| Kissimiee, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(I am part of a charity group that dresses up like superheroes. We are attending a 5k run to benefit a children’s charity, cheering on over 1000 runners. The guys dressed as Superman and the Flash agreed to run the first fifth of the race.)

Batgirl cosplayer: “There’s Superman!”

Superman cosplayer: “Hey guys. Lost Flash back there… so, we’re near the finish line?”

Me: “There’s the finish line.”

Superman cosplayer: “Nice!”

Route supervisor: “First runner coming!”

(We all start cheering and clapping, like we are supposed to.)

Superman cosplayer: “Oh, thank god it’s him!”

Me: “Huh?”

Superman cosplayer: “When Flash and I were lining up, a bunch of the ‘professional’ runners shoved us out of the way so we wouldn’t slow down their start. One of the runners told them to back off.”

(We all cheer loudly as we see the heroic runner cross the finish line for a first place finish.)

Superman cosplayer: “And here come some more ‘pros’. Wait, what the…”

(Running with the ‘professionals’ is a boy who looks about eight. As the event is about kids, we cheer him instead. He beats half of them!)

Me: “You go kiddo! You beat the Flash!”

(Both the first place finisher and the little boy came back to thank us for cheering them on. It was awesome!)

Love Is Not Easily Provoked

| Westchester, NY, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

(I’m gay. My boyfriend has come in to pick me up after work.)

My Boyfriend: “Hey baby, ready to go?”

Mother: “How dare you flaunt that in front of my child! Who do you think you are? How dare you!”

Her Daughter: “But mommy! They’re in love!”

They Have Trouble Written All Over Them

| GA, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

(I own a tattoo parlor in a small section of the downtown area. I won’t tattoo anyone who is drunk, or even if I suspect they have been drinking. This takes place the day after I turned away someone who didn’t even look old enough to get a tattoo, let alone drink. They return with what appears to be a parent.)

Young customer: “That’s the b**** who wouldn’t give me a tattoo last night!”

Older customer: “Is that true?”

Me: “Yes.”

Older customer: “Well, why the h*** not?”

Me: “First, she had no ID. Secondly, she was drunk.”

Older customer: “So what? There is no excuse for you not giving her a tattoo. Haven’t you heard that the customer is always right?!”

Me: “We don’t tattoo drunk people. Also, if you have no ID, I can’t tattoo you.”

Older customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know what to tell you then.”

Young customer: “Here’s my ID now, d***!” *throws the ID at me*

Me: Uh huh, so you’re sixteen, and you are who to this person exactly?”

Older customer: “Her father!”

Me: “Right. Well, I’m just going to go ahead and call the police.”

Older customer: “Do that! I’ll have you arrested!”

Me: “For what, exactly? Refusing to give your drunk underage daughter a tattoo? You do realize that her drinking is against the law, don’t you? If someone is getting arrested today, it won’t be me.”

Older customer: “I’ll teach you! I’ll kick your a**!”

(The older customer attempts to hit me, but I’ve been around long enough that I know how to defend myself. I quickly react in defense, knocking him onto his rear end, much to his shock.)

Me: “This will go one of two ways. You can get the h*** out of my parlor, or I can throw you out of it. And if I ever see either one of you around here again, the police will be the least of your worries. Am I clear?”

(The older customer grabs the younger one by the arm, and bolts. I haven’t seen them in the area since.)

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