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    Category: Family & Kids

    A Very Moral Figure(ine)

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work at a small, family-owned and operated movie store that also sells various movie/anime merchandise. Lately, we’ve been having trouble with a specific group of kids coming in and stealing from us. I’m currently managing the register when I notice one of the kids in the group entering the store, being pulled in by his mother. She sees me and heads over to my counter. The owner also sees this and heads over towards us.)

    Mother: “I’m really hoping you can help me.”

    (She reaches into her purse, pulls out an anime figurine, and places it on the counter.)

    Mother: “See, I was cleaning my son’s room yesterday when I found this on his desk. I did a little more cleaning and I found its box that had your store’s price tag on it. Despite what he says, I know that I didn’t buy it for him; I believe he stole from you all. So, we’re here to return it and make this right.”

    Me: “I’m happy that you want to do the right thing and all, but unfortunately I’m unable to return opened merchandise, especially without its original packaging.”

    Mother: “Please, you have to take this back. I work two jobs just to pay the bills; I can’t afford this toy nor does he deserve it. There must be some way.”

    Owner: “Ma’am, I appreciate you coming in and trying to do the right thing. I know it wasn’t you who stole from me; it was your son. With all due respect, I don’t believe you should have to waste your hard earned money to fix his mistake. With your permission, I’d like to suggest an alternative solution.”

    (The owner’s solution? Every Saturday for the next two months, that kid came in and ‘volunteered’ to help out around the store. At the end of the two months, he learned a valuable lesson and even paid for the stolen figurine.)

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (My 5-year-old son has received a serious injury to his eye. After a pediatrician recommends us to an eye doctor, we are referred to a specialist that works out of a university two hours away from home.)

    Nurse: “These are all the contact numbers you should need. I also went online for some directions, and called ahead to let them know it should only be a few hours.”

    My Son: “I don’t want to.”

    Nurse: “What’s the matter?”

    My Son: *visibly getting upset* “I’m scared.”

    Nurse: “But you’ve been so brave this whole time! How about this: if you go see the new doctor, I’ll give you my phone number and you can call me if you get too upset, okay?”

    (The nurse writes down her work extension and cell phone number on a piece of paper and adds it to my paperwork, insisting that I feel free to call if I have any problems or questions. My son stays calm all the way to the university and through the appointment with the specialist until we’re told he’s going to need surgery. Crying and upset, he begs me to call the nurse from the clinic.)

    Me: *on the phone* “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know you’re still working, but he’s really upset and asked to talk to you.”

    (I put the phone on speakerphone so my son, crying on the exam table, can hear.)

    Nurse: “Hey buddy! What’s wrong?”

    My Son: *crying* “The doctor here wants to give me surgery!”

    Nurse: “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’ll make your eye all better. You’ll be able to see again, like we talked about.”

    My Son: “But I’m scared! It’s going to hurt!”

    Nurse: “Of course it’s not going to hurt. That nice doctor wouldn’t hurt you!”

    My Son: “Have you been given surgeries?”

    Nurse: “Yeah kiddo, a few.”

    My Son: “And you came back to life?”

    Nurse: “Every single time.”

    My Son: “Promise?”

    Nurse: “Swear.”

    (My son has calmed down considerably throughout the conversation, and there’s not a dry eye in the room.)

    My Son: “…Okay…”

    Nurse: “See? I knew you were brave.”

    My Son: “Thank you! Love you!”

    Nurse: *laughing* “Love you, too.”

    (I thanked the nurse a thousand times, and she insisted I call her ASAP to let her know how the surgery goes. Later that day, she texted us a picture of herself and her family with a ‘GET WELL SOON’ sign they made for my son!)

    Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World
    Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    Taming The Feral Customers

    | Bristol, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the Petting Corner are of the zoo, where twice a week we show the new arrivals and the young animals. Today, we have a young tiger cub who has not once attacked as he is quite tame. We have an experienced tiger handler, who is from another branch of our zoo. It’s mostly kids that come to pet the tiger, but some adults seem to love him too.)

    Me: “…and here we have the young tiger cub, Jumanji, who comes here twice a week! Now, don’t be shy, he’s tame, and we have our experienced tiger handler Tom on hand! All of you who would like to pet him, please make a queue.”

    (I turn to Tom, the tiger handler.)

    Me: “Tom, can you hold him in your lap?”

    (I move away to make preparations for the next part of Petting Corner. As I do this, a young man with his son pushes ahead, knocking over several young kids. A concerned mother speaks up.)

    Mother: “Hey! How dare you! My son has been waiting in line and you barged in?!”

    Man: “Shut the f*** up, you b****! Go on, son. Pet the tiger!”

    Son: “Yay!” *starts jabbing the tiger in the ribs* “This tiger isn’t doing anything!”

    Me: “Stop that! The tiger is getting angry! Don’t jab him!”

    (At this point, I’m running to him to stop him, and Tom is trying to shield the tiger’s ribs from him. The tiger tries to scratch the brat, but nicks Tom slightly instead.)

    Man: “This tiger isn’t tame at all! My son could have been scratched! I want compensation!”

    Me: *angry* “You won’t get any! I demand you get out of this zoo, now!”

    (I turn to the kids, trying to be calm as possible.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the tiger will be back next week.”

    Man: *screaming* “DON’T LISTEN! THE TIGER IS DANGEROUS!”

    Mother: “Almost as dangerous as you!”

    (Suddenly, the mother puts the man in a choke hold—yes, a choke hold—and pins him with the help of the other parents.)

    Mother: “Call security!”

    (Afterwards, the man was arrested and they were both banned for life. The people who helped got 12-month passes for their assistance!)

    The Holy Twi-Light

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I am teaching a children’s Bible Study lesson on the sons of Isaac.)

    Me: “So the first twin’s name was Esau, which means hairy. And his brother came out holding onto his heel, and his parents named him Jacob.”

    Girl #1: “Like the werewolf in Twilight?”

    Girl #2: “Why did they name him Jacob? Does it mean ‘holding heels’ or something?”

    Me: “Uh… hold on.”

    (I go to the back of the room to look in the Bible, and see if it mentions why they chose the name Jacob.)

    Girl #1: “Jacob is like the name from Twilight!”

    Me: “Please don’t mention that book around me.”

    Girl #3: “Do you like Twilight, Miss [my name]?”

    Me: “No, I do not!”

    Girl #1: “Why not?”

    (I open my mouth to answer, but…)

    Boy: “Because it’s BAD!”

    Yukon Not Steal It

    | Strasbourg, France | Canada, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m Canadian, but I’m visiting my French cousin and helping him do some repairs on his cafe. While we’re working, a large family passes by, obviously lost. I’m wearing a shirt with a large Canadian flag on the back.)

    Mother: “Excuse me! I’m sorry to bother you, but are you Canadian?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Mother: “Thank god! We’ve been lost for hours.”

    (She shows me her map. Ultimately, I work out they’re trying to cross the border into Germany, but got lost trying to find out how to get there.)

    Father: “Good thing the signs are all in French, or else we wouldn’t have managed to find our way around anywhere!”

    Me: “Yeah, it sure makes things easier for Canadians, eh?”

    (Suddenly, there’s a scuffle behind me. My cousin comes out dragging two of their sons behind him.)

    Cousin: “They were trying to steal bottles of juice! I heard them planning it!”

    Son #1: *to Son #2* “Well, how was I supposed to know they speak French here? They all sound so different!”

    (Quebecois and French speakers do sound somewhat different, but angry mothers are universal!)

    Yukon Call Them
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
    Yukon Not Spend It
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan

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