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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Camper Is Not Always Right

    | Louisiana, USA | Family & Kids

    (It is the last day of camp, and the campers are even more unruly than usual. They have spent the last 30 minutes putting foam stickers everywhere, and I do mean everywhere.)

    Me: “Okay, guys and gals! Your parents will be here to pick you up soon, so let’s clean up a bit and get these stickers off the floor.”

    Camper: *eye roll* “I don’t understand why we have to pick this up. This is camp!”

    Me: “Well, the other counselors and I didn’t put stickers all over the floor. Do you expect us to pick this up?”

    Camper: “Yes! This is camp! We’re not at home, we’re at camp! We shouldn’t have to clean up after ourselves! That’s YOUR job!”

    Me: *jawdrop*

    If You’re Naughty, We’ll Cart You Off

    | South Dakota, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A mother with two young children enter the store. Upset because she can’t ride in the car-shaped cart, the little girl sits on the floor and throws a fit.)

    Mother: “Come on, honey. We don’t have all day.”

    Daughter: *continues to pout*

    Mother: *exasperated* “Seriously, come on or I’ll leave you here!”

    Daughter: *continues to pout*

    Me: *to the daughter* “You know what we do with kids who aren’t with their parents? We put them to work… hard work! We will make you go get carts. It is no fun…” *a coworker getting carts comes inside, so I turn to him* “Just ask him!”

    Coworker: “My mom left me here five years ago!”

    Daughter: *darts up and runs to her mother*

    Mother: *to us* “Thank You!”

    Related:
    Ah, Parents

    The Prettiest Customer

    | Avondale, AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m having a bad day as I’ve heard some unfortunate news from a coworker, so my face is a bit somber. A little girl walks up with her parents to my register; her head barely peeks above the counter. I love kids and normally interact with them when I am ringing up the items.)

    Little Girl: *softly* “You’re pretty.”

    (Unfortunately, I can’t hear her because of the beeping from the register.)

    Me: “What was that, sweetie?”

    Little Girl: *louder* “You’re pretty.”

    Me: “Aww, thank you, sweetie.”

    Little Girl: “I hope I am pretty like you when I grow up!”

    (My heart has melted by now.)

    Me: “You are already the prettiest little girl ever! I know you will keep getting prettier as you get older!”

    (I finish the transaction with her parents. As they are slowly walking away, I hear her dad.)

    Dad: “That was very nice, honey. What made you say that?”

    Little Girl: “Because it is true, and she wasn’t smiling when we walked in. And I wanted to get her to smile!”

    (She was right. I was smiling for the rest of my shift!)

    Ill-Temper Your Expectations

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (My mother needs a new cellphone plan, and I agree to tag along with her. Please note that my mom is in her mid 60s, five feet tall, and incredibly sweet and polite, especially to strangers.)

    Sales Rep: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Mom: “Hello! It seems I need to update my cell phone plan, if that’s not too much trouble.”

    Sales Rep: “Of course not. I’d be happy to assist you with that. *looks up my mom’s account* “Ah, okay, it looks like we no longer offer your original plan, so let’s go over your new options…”

    (Without warning, my mother mutates into a Nightmare Customer from Hades.)

    Mom: “I DON’T WANT A NEW PLAN! I LIKED THE OLD PLAN! WHY DON’T YOU OFFER IT ANYMORE?! THIS IS HORRIBLE SERVICE!”

    Sales Rep: *visibly startled* “I’m… I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you’ll take a look at our current plans, I’m sure we’ll find you a great deal on something that…”

    Mom: “Why are you doing this to me? Your company obviously doesn’t care about its customers! Fix this situation immediately, or I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

    (At this point, everyone in the store is staring at us, and the sales rep looks like she may start crying.)

    Me: “Mother, what is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?”

    Mom: *suddenly herself again* “Oh dear, nothing’s wrong at all! But if a store has a policy you don’t like, what you do is get really mean with the salespeople and take out your aggression on them. Then the salespeople call their corporate headquarters to inform the CEO that a customer is unhappy, and the policy gets changed!”

    (She smiles brightly. The store is silent as both customers and employees attempt to process her logic.)

    Me: *to the sales rep* “We’ll take this plan right here, and I’ll explain everything else to her in the car…”

    Lions And Tigers And Big Box Stores, Oh My

    | North Georgia Mountains, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, School

    (I’m a tour guide for a private college in the North Georgia mountains in a town of 9,000 people. It’s not the biggest city, but it’s the biggest within about 50 miles. A married couple from Atlanta comes to visit the college.)

    Man: *nervously* “How do people typically adjust to living in the middle of nowhere?” 

    Me: “I actually think it’s peaceful here in the mountains, and I’ve never heard anyone say they miss the traffic.”

    (At this point, the couple sees a small green spider on the roof of the golf cart and literally jumps out of the stopped vehicle.)

    Me: “Aw, he won’t hurt y’all.”

    (The man hesitates three times before finally squishing the spider with his handkerchief. He cautiously climbs back in.)

    Woman: “Do you have any… mountain lions here?”

    Me: *in an exaggerated southern drawl* “Ain’t seen many mountain lions ’round these parts, far as I reckon.”

    Man: “What about bears?”

    Woman: “Panthers?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure the most we have up here is foxes and coyotes.”

    (The woman gasps like she might have a heart attack while the man’s eyes get very wide. I do my best to assure them that these animals are harmless to humans and that they will likely never see on on campus, and continue with the tour.)

    Woman: “How far is civilization from here?”

    Me: “Well, the city is the county seat, and there’s lots to do and see downtown, and plenty of options for shopping and dining.” 

    Man: “Is there a Walmart anywhere near here?”

    Me: “About a 10 minute drive.”

    Couple: *in unison* “HALLELUJAH! CIVILIZATION!”

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