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    Category: Family & Kids

    Trying To Dress Themselves Up

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

    (A woman and her small child are walking through the men’s department.)

    Kid: “Are we allowed to be in here?”

    Woman: “Of course we are! Men don’t buy their own clothes anyway!”

    Trying To Blow Smoke

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m running the express lane when a lady approaches my till holding an infant of about a year old. Note: it’s October and around 68° outside.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer #1: *sets infant on counter * “Yes, I’d like two packs of [Brand] cigars.”

    (I go get the cigars, and as I return and start ringing up her cigars, another customer walks by who also has an infant that is in only shorts, minding their own business.)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s infant* “Oooh, baby, you’re gonna get sick wearing only shorts. It’s, like, zero degrees outside.” *to me* “Some people.”

    (She happily walked away with her cigars and baby.)

    Just Made Her (Mother’s) Day

    | Milford, CT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am a hostess, and this story happens the Friday before Mother’s Day. I am standing at the register at the entrance to the restaurant when a gentleman in his early 40s who had been dining alone approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do I pay up here?”

    Me: “Oh! No, sir, you pay with your waitress. Let me grab her for you.”

    (I go to the back and bring the waitress up to the front with me.)

    Customer: *to waitress* “So, my bill was $18?”

    Waitress: “Yes. ”

    Customer: “Do you have a family?”

    Waitress: “Uh… yes.”

    Customer: “You have kids?”

    Waitress: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, then. This is for my check.” *hands coworker a $20 bill* “… and this is for you.” *hands coworker a $50 bill* “Happy Mother’s Day!”

    (At this point, the customer leaves before the waitress can even say ‘thank you.’)

    Waitress: *to me* “I think I’m gonna cry.”

    Single Minded Demands

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (Sometimes our sales manager gives some of her friends a certificate for a free night’s stay at our hotel. I am checking in such a stay.)

    Customer: “Hello, checking in? The name’s [Customer].”

    Me: “Right, Mrs. [Customer]. I see that this is a free night’s stay? May I see the certificate?”

    Customer: “Right here.” *hands it over*

    Me: “Okay, I see that’s in order. Here are your keys and sign here.”

    (She signs and leaves, waving goodbye. A few minutes later, she comes back with a teen girl in tow.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I’m supposed to have a room with two beds in it. This is a room with only one bed!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry; let me check the reservation again.” *checks* “Ma’am, the reservation says that a single bed was booked, not two. Furthermore, I’m afraid we don’t have any more two-bed rooms.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I know the owner, you know. You’re just trying to trick me, because I’m a free stay and I’m not paying!”

    Me: “I don’t see why… uh… anyone would do that.”

    (At this point, I start to get nervous, because our sales manager is married to the owner, so it is possible she’s telling the truth. Fortunately, the teen speaks up.)

    Teen: “Mom! Didn’t you say that you were going alone until I agreed to come with you at the last minute? Doesn’t it make sense then that you would book only a single bed for yourself?”

    Customer: “I… I… It must’ve slipped my mind.”

    (Caught, red-faced, she slinked off with her daughter. A few minutes later, I got a call from her room asking meekly for a cot. I got her one, and reported the incident to the managers. Soon, she is their friend no more, and I never saw her again!)

    Don’t Kick A Pink Gift Horse In The Mouth

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (It’s nearly closing time, when a mother comes in with her son, who looks to be about two or three.)

    Boy: “I want a dolly! Look mummy!” *takes doll off shelf*

    Mother: “No, that’s for girls. Let’s go look at the Lego.”

    Boy: *points at box of pink Lego* “This one, mummy! Please!”

    Mother: “You can’t have pink, that’s a girl’s colour.”

    Boy: “I get horsey?” *points at pink toy horse*

    Me: “I love horseys. That seems like a great idea. It’s always lovely to see a handsome young man like you who likes pink horseys. Is that okay with you, Ma’am?”

    Mother: “You’re trying to turn my son gay!”

    Me: “I can assure you that I am not attempting anything like that.”

    (I walk away to allow the mother to pick out a ‘suitable’ toy for her son. They walk up to the cash desk with a toy car set, but the boy is crying.)

    Me: “That’ll be £23, please.”

    Boy: “Want horsey!”

    Me: “Since you’re such a cutie, how about a free horsey?”

    (I took a cheap pink horse from a shelf and handed it to him.)

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