Category: Family & Kids

You’d Be A Fool Not To

| Bay Area, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(A woman and her six-year-old son walk into my store. She asks my coworker for help, while her son makes his way over to a case containing common and semi-precious stones. They are the only two in the store, so I have fun showing him some of the stones. He has picked up an egg-shaped piece of pyrite – also known as fool’s gold.)

Son: “Mom! Can I have it?!”

Mom: “I don’t know, baby. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s [price under $5], ma’am.”

Son: “So can I, Mama? Pleeeaaassseee?”

Mom: “Why do you want it so badly?”

Son: *looks thoughtful for a moment* “Because it’s AMAZING, and I want to fill my room with AMAZING things.”

Mom: *almost under her breath* “Well, I don’t see how I can argue with that.”

Underwear Unaware

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(My place of work is fairly well known in my town and the surrounding area. My boss’s wife occasionally works in the shop.)

Customer: “Oh, you know, I’m great friends with [Boss]. We go way back.”

Boss’s Wife: “Oh, really? That’s funny, because I’ve been washing his underwear for ten years and I have absolutely no idea who you are!”

Depressing Customer Service

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A customer and her five-ish-year-old son are checking out at my register. There is a magazine display nearby. One of the magazines’ cover is a tribute to a comedian who recently committed suicide.)

Customer’s Son: *pointing at the magazine* “Mommy, he died. Did you know he died?”

Customer: “Yes, it was very sad.”

Son: “He committed suicide. What does ‘committed suicide’ mean?”

Customer: “It means he hurt himself badly. Now, let’s go.

Son: “He hurted himself and died? I don’t understand. Can I skin my knee and die?!”

Customer: “No, it’s not like that. He was very sad.”

Son: “What? He died of being sad? Why was he sad? Someone said he was ‘depressed.’ What is ‘depressed?'”

Customer: *to me* “Can you explain this to him? I don’t want to.”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t really feel comfortable doing that; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “What? I hate this store. You’re so unhelpful. I’ll be talking to your corporate office.” *drags son out the door*

(I think even corporate will agree that explaining mental illness to a customer’s five-year-old is not my job.)

Been Ladle-fed Her Entire Life

| New Ulm, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am called over by a customer to the kitchen department.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a metal ladle. I need it to match my other utensils.”

Me: *showing her the three plastic ladles we have, no metal ones* “Sorry, it seems we only have plastic ones, not metal. You could possibly check online.”

Customer: *clearly annoyed* “No, I need a metal ladle. I don’t want to go online for any crap you’re trying to sell me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a lot smaller than other stores. We don’t have as large of a variety as the other ones do.”

Customer: “I need my ladle. You’ll order one for me and I’ll be here to pick it up in three days exactly.”

Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am. We have thing shipped to us through a system. We get bulk orders of items that the systems recognizes we need, whether we have run out or they are sent for a new season.”

Customer: “I’ll be back in three days.” *to her daughter in the cart* “The customer is always right, sweetie. You demand, and then you get. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’ll get my ladle and they can’t do anything about it.”

(She walked away while I tried to explain there was no way we could order one of an item, again…)

Child’s Play And Slay

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

Boy #1: “Kill him!”

Announcer: “What?!”

Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

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