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    Category: Underaged

    Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

    Did I Steal That Out Loud

    | Bethesda, Maryland, USA | Underaged

    (Two boys around the age of 15 walk in without an adult. They order food that the average teenager cannot pay for. After they’re done eating, I come with the bill.)

    Me: “Here is the bill.”

    (They look at it. The total is about $107.)

    Boy: “That’s a lot of cash. Let’s run!”

    Me: “You better not, sir.”

    Boy: “How’d you hear us? We were using telepathy!”

    What’s “Bad Liar” In Asian

    | Toronto, Canada | Top, Underaged

    (Two obviously underaged girls walk into my tattoo parlor.)

    Girl #1: “We want to get our names in Asian writing.”

    Me: “Asian writing–you mean like in kanji? It doesn’t really work that way. You’d have to get someone to translate it as best they can and then bring it in to us.”

    Girl #2: “Can’t we just tell you our names and you write them in Asian?”

    Me: “No, I’m a tattooer and unfortunately don’t have a second job as a translator. Also, how old are you?”

    Girl #1: “I’m…16. You have to be 16 to get tattooed right?”

    Me: “Only if you also have a copy of your ID and parental consent.”

    Girl #2: “Uh…we don’t have our IDs. They got stolen. Can’t we just call my mom?”

    Me: “No.”

    Girl #1: “What if we really promise not to tell?”

    Me: “No. ‘Really promise’ doesn’t exactly meet health board requirements.”

    Girl #2: “There’s a board for health?”

    Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

    | CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Boy: *hands over ID*

    (I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

    Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

    Boy: “24.”

    Me: “What’s your birth date?”

    Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

    Boy: “How’s it fake?”

    (I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

    Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 2

    | St. Cloud, MN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Underaged

    Me: “Do you have an ID?”

    (The girl hands me her ID. She’s 21. She walks in, the boy she’s with starts following her.)

    Me: “Oh, do you have an ID with you?”

    Him: “Um…”

    Me: “An ID?”

    (He hands me his room key and smiles.)

    Me: “This isn’t…”

    Him: “I know.” *walks sadly out*

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea

    Monsters Of The ID

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Underaged

    (A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

    Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    (I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

    Customer: “I know that’s there.”

    Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

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