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  • Making A Mute Point
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    Category: Underaged

    Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

    Dopey Duplicators Can’t Dupe Us

    | Mississippi, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (Keep in mind that our store keeps records of people who try to trade in or sell defective, illegally copied, or stolen merchandise. One day, a teenage customer comes in with a shoebox filled with about 40 unboxed games for the Nintendo DS.)

    Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d just like to get some cash for these games.”

    Coworker: “Alright, I just need to see some ID…”

    (My coworker does a quick check and finds that this particular customer is known for having sold us defective and illegally copied games.)

    Coworker: “Do all of these games work?”

    Customer: *face turns bright red* “Uhh… y-yeah. Yeah, they… they do.”

    Coworker: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Y-yeah.”

    Coworker: “Mind if I test this one out?”

    (My coworker proceeds to pull out his Nintendo DS. By now, the customer knows he’s been caught and begins shaking.)

    Customer: “Y-you know what, never mind. I’m f-f***ing outta here!”

    (He left his entire box of games on the counter. Most of them didn’t work, and the ones that did work were obviously copied. We never saw the kid again.)

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire, Part 2

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (A young customer is trying to purchase cigars, so I ask for his ID. Note: I’m Caucasian, and so is he.)

    Customer: “Why you askin’ for my ID for cigars? They ain’t cigarettes.”

    Me: “It is a tobacco product and illegal to sell to minors.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! Gimme a swisher! You’re just racist against me! Gimme a f***ing swisher!”

    (Suddenly, the customer behind him speaks up. It turns out they’re a police officer.)

    Officer: “He can’t without your ID. If you have a problem with it, let’s go outside. We can call your parents and we’ll have discussion about disturbing the peace.”

    Customer: *turns pale and leaves*

    Related:
    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

    The Faux-teen Of Youth

    | Queensland, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (Working in a liquor store one night, a male who looks about 16 enters the store. Please note: this happened in 2009.)

    Customer: *places beers on the counter* “Hi, I’ll just have these, thanks, and a bottle of rum.”

    Me: “Uh, sure mate. I’ll need to see some ID first.”

    (The customer produces ID, and it looks real—his photo on it, holograms where they should be—but one thing stands out: his DOB says he was born in 1929.)

    Me: “So. 1929 huh? You sure don’t look 80 to me.”

    Customer: “I’m over 18 though, aren’t I?”

    Me: “I think you better get out of my store before I call the cops, Gramps.”

    (The kid left the beer on the counter and ran off. He also left his ID, which I kept to show off to my friends. We all had a good laugh about it!)

    Don’t Fake With Me

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (I work at a drugstore. When someone comes in with a fake ID, we can refuse to sell to them, but we can’t actually confiscate the fake. A teenage girl walks up to the counter.)

    Teenage Customer: “Just this, please.”

    (She puts a pack of Budweiser on the counter.)

    Me: “May I see your ID?”

    (She hands me an ID that is obviously fake; the state is spelled wrong.)

    Me: “What year did you graduate high school?”

    Teenage Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell to you.”

    Teenage Customer: “F*** you, you little ****! Just give me the f***ing beer!”

    Me: *deep breath* “Listen. I have had a very, VERY bad day. You can leave quietly and take your fake along, or I can call call the police and they’ll come arrest you. Which would you prefer?”

    Teenage Customer: *turns red, grabs her fake and runs out of the store*

    Caught On A Hot Tan Roof

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (My friend and I are waiting in line at a night club. A guy in front us presents his ID, but the bouncer isn’t buying it.)

    Bouncer: “You can’t use this. It’s not a valid piece of ID.”

    Guy: “Why not? It has my information on it.”

    Bouncer: “First of all, it’s not government-issued. It looks like an employee ID. Second, do you seriously expect me to believe that this WHITE guy is you?”

    (The photo on the ID clearly doesn’t match the guy, who is of Southeast Asian descent and is darker than the person in the photo.)

    Guy: “Uhh… I’m a roofer. You gotta believe me, man! That’s me in the photo.”

    Bouncer: “It’s almost October and we’re in Canada. That’s one h*** of a roofer’s tan you got there!”

    Guy: “****!” *leaves the club*


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