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    Category: Underaged

    Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

    Their Purchasing Power Has Gone Up In Smoke, Part 2

    | Waynesboro, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Underaged

    (I work at a gas station. We have a lot of rules to prevent under-aged people from getting cigarettes. I’ve just graduated from high school a few weeks before, and am still 17. A kid that I don’t really know, but goes to my old high school walks in with his mom.)

    Kid: “Hey, can I get a pack of [cigarettes].”

    Me: “I’m going to need to see your ID first.”

    Kid: “C’mon, you know me. We went to high school together.”

    Me: “Sorry, but if you look underage, I have to card you.”

    (He says he understands, and calmly walks out. His mom follows him out without buying anything. About two minutes later, she comes back in stays right at the newspapers near the door, and pretends to be looking around for about a minute, looking at the papers.)

    Lady: *loudly* “Oh, there it is.” *walks right up to the register*

    Lady: “I forgot to get the paper earlier.”

    Me: “That’ll be 75 cents.”

    Lady: “Oh, yeah. Can I also get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your son just came in and didn’t have his ID. I can’t sell the same cigarettes to you right now.”

    Lady: “Well, what if they aren’t for him! They are for his dad.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. It’s against store policy.”

    (She’s clearly angry at this point. My manager notices and is already on her way to the register.)

    Lady: “Well, I wanna see your manager!”

    Me: “The lady would like to speak to you.”

    Lady: “Yeah, this little a**hole won’t sell me cigarettes!”

    Manager: “Well, the problem is it’s against store policy to sell cigarettes to you since he had to deny your son.”

    Lady: “Well, in the state of Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to deny a purchase of any kind to a customer!”

    Me: “Actually it’s illegal to buy cigarettes for a minor.”

    Lady: “Well, I want to talk to corporate and tell them about this!”

    (My manager gets the phone under the register, calls corporate, and explains the situation. However, before my manager can finish talking, the lady grabs the phone from my manager.)

    Lady: *to the phone* “Yeah, can you tell these a**holes they have to sell me cigarettes?!”

    (We can hear the voice from the phone, and the moment corporate stops talking, the lady slams the phone down throws the paper at us.)

    Lady: “You can shove that paper up your a**!”

    Related:
    Their Purchasing Power Has Gone Up In Smoke

    Drop(out) The Bomb

    | AB, Canada | School, Underaged

    (I live in a small town; as such, little stories such as ‘so and so made this all star team’ or ‘this person went to a university’s honor band” frequently appear in the newspaper. During high school, I was part of the later group until I started university, where my name would continue to appear in the Dean’s List published at the end of each semester. At this moment, university has been out for a week, while the high schools are finishing up their school year.)

    Customer: “Hey, why aren’t you in school?”

    Me: “Beg pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s 11:00 AM; not even the students with special privileges to work during school hours should be out yet! Why are you not at [School] and working here?”

    Me: “Sir, I graduated a few years ago.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I just saw your name in the paper for some fancy list.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the Dean’s List? Yes, I’m happy that I got on it this semester. I was taking a full load of classes!”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be done yet! School doesn’t finish for another three weeks.”

    Me: “Sir, I no longer attend [High School]. Instead, I—”

    Customer: *shocked* “You dropped out?! After all those times you were in the paper for music and smart stuff? What in the world possessed you to do that?!”

    Me: “I didn’t drop out sir. I just—”

    Customer: “Where is your manager? I need to talk to him about hiring drop outs, even if they appear to be smarticle like you!”

    (Yes, he did use the word ‘smarticle.’)

    Me: *pulls university ID card out of pocket wallet* “Please read the date this was issued.”

    Customer: “Summer 2010?”

    Me: “Yes. Now, why would I have a university ID card?”

    Customer: “Because you go to that university?”

    (I wait.)

    Customer: “Oh… yeah. That was the college list, wasn’t it?” *gathers up items, pays, and leaves*

    Top Shelf Morals, Bottom Shelf Attitude

    | Medford, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    (I am stocking magazines at a bookstore when two young boys reach high up on the shelves and grab adult magazines. They hunch over and open the magazines to gawk at the photos.)

    Me: “Excuse me, are you guys 18 or over?”

    Boy #1: “Why, what’s it to you?”

    Me: “It’s my job, actually. If you’re not 18, you can’t even touch those. Would you put that magazine back, please?”

    Boy #2: “I’m 18.”

    (Boy #2 is obviously about 12 or 13 from his height and appearance.)

    Me: “Really? What year were you born?”

    Boy #2: “None of your business!”

    Me: “Okay, both of you put those magazines back, right now.”

    Boy #1: “I’m 18, too.”

    (Just then, a young mother carrying a baby and a diaper bag approaches the counter a few feet away.)

    Young Mother: *to cashier* “Can I ask you for a certain book?”

    Cashier: “Sure, what are you looking for?”

    Young Mother: “It’s called ‘How to Raise a Moral Child‘.”

    (Boy #1 and Boy #2 burst out laughing, catching the attention of the young mother, who looks over disapprovingly. The boys laugh and turn away from her, now facing me.)

    Me: *arms crossed, leaning in* “How about now?”

    (They stop laughing abruptly, put the magazines back on the nearest shelf, and slink out.)

    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

    Cashier: “Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?”

    Drunk teen: “No, I don’t. Why?”

    Cashier: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please.”

    Drunk teen: “What, just because I have no ID?”

    Cashier: “Among other things, yes. You can’t prove you’re 18, and you’re clearly drunk, which means you’re not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don’t be difficult; just leave.”

    (The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

    Drunk teen: “Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I’ll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!” *flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

    (The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he’s behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

    Cashier: *very calmly* “No, you won’t. Now you’re becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You’d better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you’ll regret later.”

    Drunk teen: “F*** you! I’m gonna bash you man! I’m gonna beat your face!”

    Cashier: *cracks up laughing* “Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point.” *takes a step outside the shop* “Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse.”

    (At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that’s he’s in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

    Drunk teen: “Uh… uh… I’m… I’m gonna hurt you man!”

    Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* “No. You’re going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you’re going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you’re going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God.”

    (The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

    Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing Bale-Batman voice* “Get the f*** out of here. Now!”

    (The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

    They Have Trouble Written All Over Them

    | GA, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

    (I own a tattoo parlor in a small section of the downtown area. I won’t tattoo anyone who is drunk, or even if I suspect they have been drinking. This takes place the day after I turned away someone who didn’t even look old enough to get a tattoo, let alone drink. They return with what appears to be a parent.)

    Young customer: “That’s the b**** who wouldn’t give me a tattoo last night!”

    Older customer: “Is that true?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Older customer: “Well, why the h*** not?”

    Me: “First, she had no ID. Secondly, she was drunk.”

    Older customer: “So what? There is no excuse for you not giving her a tattoo. Haven’t you heard that the customer is always right?!”

    Me: “We don’t tattoo drunk people. Also, if you have no ID, I can’t tattoo you.”

    Older customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t know what to tell you then.”

    Young customer: “Here’s my ID now, d***!” *throws the ID at me*

    Me: Uh huh, so you’re sixteen, and you are who to this person exactly?”

    Older customer: “Her father!”

    Me: “Right. Well, I’m just going to go ahead and call the police.”

    Older customer: “Do that! I’ll have you arrested!”

    Me: “For what, exactly? Refusing to give your drunk underage daughter a tattoo? You do realize that her drinking is against the law, don’t you? If someone is getting arrested today, it won’t be me.”

    Older customer: “I’ll teach you! I’ll kick your a**!”

    (The older customer attempts to hit me, but I’ve been around long enough that I know how to defend myself. I quickly react in defense, knocking him onto his rear end, much to his shock.)

    Me: “This will go one of two ways. You can get the h*** out of my parlor, or I can throw you out of it. And if I ever see either one of you around here again, the police will be the least of your worries. Am I clear?”

    (The older customer grabs the younger one by the arm, and bolts. I haven’t seen them in the area since.)

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