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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Underaged

    Everyone at one time has tried to sneak into a movie or bought a drink they’re too young for. However; when stupid customers make this attempt the results can be both hilarious and pitying. And this is before alcohol has destroyed their brain cell(s)!

    No ID, No Idea, Part 14

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Liars & Scammers, Themed Giveaway, Underaged

    (I am a volunteer bartender at a big music festival. We are required to check everyone’s ID upon ordering a drink. It’s now late into the festival, and customers are already pretty drunk.)

    Customer: “Can I get a beer?”

    Me: “Yes, can I see some ID?”

    Customer: *as he’s pulling out his ID* “Okay, but it’s fake!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s fake. Will you still serve me?”

    Me: “Absolutely not!”

    Customer: *shoves ID in my face* “Does it look fake!?”

    Me: “You just told me your ID is fake. I cannot serve you.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll go over here!” *moves a foot over to the next bartender’s line*

    Me: “I will tell them not to serve you.”

    Customer: “Seriously!? WHAT THE H***! I JUST WANT SOME ALCOHOL!”

    (At this point the bar manager has witnessed what has transpired.)

    Manager: *to customer* “GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE AND DON’T COME BACK, OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 13
    No ID, No Idea, Part 12
    No ID, No Idea, Part 11
    No ID, No Idea, Part 10
    No ID, No Idea, Part 9

    Drinking Responsibly

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (While perusing the selection of beer at my local grocery store, I cannot help but notice the enormous, brightly-colored signs posted on every available surface which proclaim: “WE CARD EVERYONE”. After choosing what I want, I head for the checkout, being sure to get my ID out along with my credit card.)

    Me: “Just this, thanks.”

    (The employee looks at me nervously. I’m 29, but look a good bit younger.)

    Employee: “Now because this is alcoholic, ma’am, I am going to need to see your ID.”

    Me: “Of course, got it right here.”

    (The employee blinks in surprise, then smiles enormously and happily rings up my six-pack of hard cider.)

    Me: “Do people really give you that hard a time about this? You have huge red and yellow signs EVERYWHERE. Not to mention it’s kind of, you know, the law?”

    Employee: “Honey, you have no idea. Thank you for being smart. Here’s your receipt, and I hope you really enjoy that!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4

    | Overland Park, KS, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged

    (I am a customer browsing at a local game store, I witness an exchange between a mother and her young son, who appears to be about eight years old. The son is trying to get his mother to buy him a copy of ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops’.)

    Son: “Mom, can we get this?”

    Mother: “I’m not getting you that game.”

    Son: “Pleeeaase?”

    Mother: “No, it’s too graphic.”

    Son: “It’s only 30 bucks!”

    Mother: “Is there violence?”

    Employee & I: “Yep.”

    Mother: “Is there shooting?”

    Employee & I: “Yep.”

    Mother: “Is there blood?”

    Employee & I: “Yep.”

    Mother: “Then I’m not getting it for you.”

    Son: “But I want it!”

    Mother: “No, because you’re going to go to Uncle and tell him about how I got you Call of Duty: Black Ops, and then I’m going to be in trouble.”

    Son: “I can just have Uncle turn the sound off the TV so I won’t hear any bad words.”

    Mother: “What does that have to do with anything? Honey, it’s not the bad words I’m worried about, it’s the violence and shooting and blood!”

    Son: “I swear I won’t tell Uncle!”

    Mother: “No, I’m not getting you that game!”

    Son: *sees ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’* “Can we get this?”

    Mother: “That doesn’t look like the one we have at the house. Sure, I’ll get that for you…”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    Playstation Meets Playboy

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Technology, Underaged

    (It is just after the release of the video game ‘Playboy Mansion’. In Australia, there is surprisingly no required age limit for the game; it comes with a recommendation only for 18+. A customer approaches the counter with a small boy beside her. She is carrying a copy of the game.)

    Me: “Good morning, just that today is it?”

    (I indicate the game, and the customer nods.)

    Customer: “Yup!”

    Me: “I just have to check that you are purchasing this either for yourself, or someone who is over 18. Though there is no legal requirement to be over 18, I must warn it has graphic content and adult themes.”

    Customer: “No, it’s for him, but it’ll be alright. He’s eight, but I’ve said it’s okay.”

    Me: “I must warn you this game is entirely inappropriate for someone so young.”

    (I detail the contents of the game. However, the customer doesn’t bat an eyelid.)

    Customer: “It’s still okay. I’d like to buy it for him.”

    (I cannot bring myself to cater to this customer, so the manager sells the game to her instead. The customer is about to leave, and I approach her.)

    Me: “If you view the game and you’re unhappy, you can return it to us within 30 days for an exchange.”

    (The customer is reasonably pleasant about this but keeps dismissing my concerns. The boy skips off happily with her. Two days later, she returns with the boy in tow again.)

    Customer: “I’ve come to return this game; I need to get something better for him. It’s not right for him at all.”

    Me: “Sure thing. I had a feeling you wouldn’t be happy with it once you saw the content of the game. Sometimes it’s hard to explain just how graphic some of these games can be.”

    Customer: “Nah, the game was fine, but you should have warned us about how much reading he’d have to do. There’s far too much to read, and he’s only eight. His reading’s not that good yet. There really ought to be warning stickers for this sort of thing. Have you got anything easier?”

    Mini Golf Vs Beer Pong

    | Regina, SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (Two ten-year-old boys come up to the counter.)

    Boy #1: “Hey, would you give us some beer?”

    Me: “No, you guys aren’t old enough.”

    Boy #1: “Oh, man, they don’t even have any Captain Morgan beer. That’s the best.”

    Boy #2: “Whoa, you know so much about beer!”


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