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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Organic Grocery Has A High Price

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (I was a senior manager in a small organic grocery store in a college town. I am on my way from my office to the stockroom when I see a young woman staring blankly into our dairy cooler.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Oh! Yes! I’m looking for ganja.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, you’re looking for what?”

    Customer: “Ganja. Do you have any?”

    Me: “Umm, could you possibly mean kombucha?” *a fermented drink kept in that section of the cooler?*

    Customer: “Is it spelled G-A-N-J-A?”

    Me: *convinced there must be some sort of misunderstanding here* “No. No, it is not. How about this, can you tell me what type of product it is? I mean is it a food, or a juice?”

    Customer: “I really don’t know. You see, I sent my friend an email and got one of those automated reply thing that said he was ‘kicking back and consuming vast quantities of ganja’ while he is on vacation in Colorado. He seems to think its really good stuff, and he’s REALLY granola, so I figured he probably gets it here. I think maybe it’s a juice or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, ganja is a slang term for marijuana.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, and do you guys sell that here?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I can assure you we do not.”

    Drawing A Blanc

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We are one of only two supermarkets in our small town, so we get lots of regular customers. Although we have to ID everyone under 25 every time they buy alcohol or cigarettes, we often make exceptions for people who forget to bring their ID, because we have seen it previously. We try to be relaxed about the rules as much as we can, to keep the locals happy. I am alone on the checkout when an old lady regular comes up with milk and wine.)

    Me: “And how are you this evening?”

    Customer: “Oh, very well! I’m just in to buy this wine because my granddaughter is cooking dinner for us. She can’t buy any because she’s under 18, and, well, she’s making this lovely kind of pavlova!”

    Me: “That sounds lovely, but you do realise that you REALLY shouldn’t have told you’re buying alcohol on behalf of someone who is underage? I can’t sell this to you if that’s what you’re doing.”

    Customer: “WHAT? But that’s why I’M buying it, for my dinner! I can buy wine if I want!”

    Me: *thinking hopefully I misheard her rambling* “Well if you ARE buying it just for your dinner, then maybe I can let you off with it, but you do need to understand that you can’t buy with intent to supply to alcohol to underage people.”

    Customer: “I can buy alcohol for my granddaughter if I want to. It’s for cooking. She won’t be drinking it!”

    Me: “I know what you are trying to say, but I need you to understand that you can’t TELL ME you’re buying it for a teenager. You can have it this time, under the circumstances, but I need you to tell me you understand you shouldn’t do it in future.”

    Customer: “This is unbelievable! If you’re going to be like that, you can take it back! I should be able to buy whatever I want! I’ll just go to [Other Supermarket] and buy it there!”

    (She storms off dramatically and the only other customer comes up to the counter.)

    Customer #2: “She didn’t seem like the brightest spark, did she?”

    Not Dog’s Best Friend

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (We are a grooming shop inside a larger pet store. One of our bathers brings out a dog that is going home. Since she worked on the dog, she proceeds to inform the owner how it went.)

    Bather: “[Pet] did pretty good for a first timer, but got a bit scared and tried to nip—”

    Customer: “BAD DOG!”

    (She then starts screaming and leans over our counter to take a swing at her dog with a closed fist. The dog ducks and hides behind the bather.)

    Me: “Ma’am! Please don’t hit your dog in here!”

    (She scowls at us and still looks angry, but we have no choice but to hand the dog over. A few minutes later one of the floor associates rushes in.)

    Associate: “The lady that just left just started kicking the s*** out of her dog and is now trying to stuff it in the trunk!”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (The bather calls the cops while I and the associate rush outside. We can’t see the dog in the car but the owner is in the driver’s seat, on her phone and screaming at us, as we box her in her parking space to keep her from leaving until the police arrive.)

    Police Officer: “I can take it from here. All of you get back inside.”

    (We never saw the woman again, but I still think of that poor dog.)

    Suddenly Not A Game Anymore

    | VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work in the gaming section, i.e. poker machines, of a tavern. In my state it is illegal for a minor, even accompanied by an adult, to enter a so called ‘gaming room.’ There are two entrances to the street in the gaming room and a passageway that leads into the bistro section of the building. Despite extensive signage we still occasionally get families with children trying to get to the bistro through the gaming area, which the law is not at all lenient on. Usually we manage to stop them at the door and tell them to go around and use a different entrance. One day a coworker catches  too late a father with his toddler in a pram; he has just entered the passageway to the bistro. She stops him anyway.)

    Coworker: “Sir, you have just passed through our gaming room with a minor. I have to inform you that this is entirely illegal, and I ask you that when you leave you exit through the bistro’s doors, not the gaming room.”

    (The customer agrees and goes in for his meal. About an hour later he tries to come back through. He gets a few steps into the gaming room when I, in the cashier section, call to him.)

    Me: “Sir, this is a gaming room. You can’t bring children through here.”

    Customer: “But the bistro is busy and the exit is too full to get through.”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter. Bringing a child through a gaming room is illegal. I’m afraid you will just have to wait a minute or two.”

    (The customer ignores me and continues through the door. As I am in the cashier section I am unable to stop him. I call to my coworker who is on the floor to go after him, for what it’s worth, seeing as he has already gone outside. She stops him once he has exited.)

    Coworker: “Sir, I already informed you that you cannot pass through the gaming room with a child.”

    Customer: “I haven’t done anything wrong! Why are you treating me like a criminal?”

    Coworker: “As I and my coworker have explained to you several times, having a minor in a gaming room is illegal, so in fact you are a criminal. What’s more, there is an $8000 dollar fine attached to the offense, which goes to you, and not to us. There are 20 cameras in our gaming room, so we have footage of you committing a felony, and the gaming commission are known to look through it for these kinds of offenses. You had a booking in the bistro, so we have your name and telephone number, which we would be happy to supply. So, unless you want to have a conviction and a sizable fine, I suggest next time you listen to the staff.”

    (The customer scurried away.)

    I Say Tomato, You Say Theft

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (As a cashier one of biggest pet peeves is when people eat the items before paying for them.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

    (I instantly notice customer has three boxes of tomatoes, and is eating away.)

    Customer: “Hi…” *continues eating one of the boxes of tomatoes*

    Me: *scans all three boxes* “Your total is [total].”

    (The customer, still chewing away, swipes her card.)

    Me: “This card was declined.”

    Customer: “Can I try again?”

    (There are only two tomatoes left in box she ate from. She swipes the card again.)

    Me: “It was declined.”

    Customer: “Let me try another card.” *swipes card*

    Me: “That was declined also.”

    Customer: “Let me just go to the ATM to get cash. I’ll be right back.”

    (The customer never came back and got away with eating almost an entire box of tomatoes for free.)

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