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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Will Have To Park This Service

    | Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (The store where I work has a ridiculously tiny and awkwardly shaped car park, so on the weekend it can be difficult to find a parking spot. On one extremely hot Saturday I am working at the service desk when a customer comes through the door and pushes past all the other customers in line.)

    Customer: “I need to return this cushion.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll be happy to serve you, but you’ll need to join the queue.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I can’t wait in that line! I didn’t park my car and my baby is still inside!”

    Me: “So, you’re telling me that you’re blocking everyone else in the car park and you locked your baby inside your car, on a forty degree day?”

    Customer: “Yes, exactly! You need to serve me first!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I won’t serve you until you have parked your car correctly and brought your baby inside with you.”

    Customer: “You can’t refuse me service! I demand to talk to your supervisor!”

    Me: “That’s fine; I’ll be happy to call her for you after you park your car and bring in your baby.”

    (She swore under her breath and left in a huff. I didn’t see her again that day.)

    Damaging Your Chances

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (A husband and wife are browsing the store, with the wife wanting to buy things and the husband saying everything is too expensive. Finally she selects a figurine from our clearance rack.)

    Husband: “Wait, this is only [price]? The one over there was [bigger price]. What’s the difference?”

    Me: “This one is damaged, sir. It fell on the floor and the head broke off – you can see where I’ve glued it back on. It’s a clean break, but we can’t in good conscience sell it at the full price.”

    Husband: “So if I get the other one and break it, you’ll sell it to me for the cheaper price?”

    Me: “No, sir. I will call security because you’re intentionally damaging our merchandise.”

    (They did buy the clearance figure, but hurried out without their receipt. To my knowledge, they’ve never come back.)

    Driving Out The Lies

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m a manager; however, we’re short staffed so I’m helping with deliveries. After taking a delivery I get this call. I’m a girl.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint about the service I received tonight. The delivery guy cussed me out and I had to chase him down the street to get my food. He also refused to give me my change. It was cold and over an hour late. I want my money back, my pizza remade, and a gift card.”

    Me: “Oh, wow! I am so sorry. I’ll be glad to help, but first can I have your address and a description of the driver?”

    (She gives her address, and says the driver was a tall guy. She ‘couldn’t see too well in the dark’ for a better description.)

    Me: “Okay… Well, I’d be happy to help, but first would you like to change your story? I don’t quite believe it.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?!

    Me: “First of all, a guy answered the door. I was your driver tonight and I certainly don’t recall any of this occurring. Can you explain once more why you need a gift card?”

    Customer: “…oh, s**t.” *hangs up*

    No Discount Requires A Recount

    , | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I am standing in line. There are two gentlemen in front of me who are together being helped by the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Okay, your total is $36.74.”

    (This total catches my attention, as this place has a high value-per-dollar. In spite of having a more-than-ample appetite myself, I can always fill up for under $6, so I am curious what two men are going to do with six people’s worth of food.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s too much. Is [Manager #1] here?”

    Cashier: “Uh… I don’t know anyone by that name.”

    Customer: “Really? [Manager #1] is a manager. He always gives us discounts. Can you just give us a discount?”

    Cashier: “Uh… no, I really can’t.”

    Customer: “Well, where’s [Manager #1]?”

    Cashier: “I really don’t know. I can get a manager if you like.”

    Customer: “Yeah, we want to know where [Manager #1] is.”

    Cashier: “Hey, [Manager #2]!”

    (Manager #2 is out of earshot, so a line cook has to relay the shout farther back in order for her to hear. She has clearly been too far away to know anything about the conversation that just transpired. Manager #2 arrives at the register.)

    Manager #2: “Yes, [Cashier]?”

    Cashier: “These—”

    Customer: *interrupting* “Where’s [Manager #1]?”

    Manager #2: “Oh, he doesn’t work here anymore.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? What happened?”

    Manager #2: “Yeah, apparently he kept giving out discounts to people who’d done nothing to earn them, so we had to fire him.”

    (Another register opened to help me, so I didn’t hear the end of their discussion, but when I sat down with my order, they were two tables down with about $10 worth of food.)

    Convicted Of Stupidity

    | Finland | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (A customer walks in the store and proceeds to the counter.)

    Customer: “I’m so glad they arrange you folk some proper jobs.”

    (She then walks into the store, leaving me puzzled with her comment. She returns in a bit with a product.)

    Me: “That’ll be €25.99. Cash or card?”

    Customer: “Don’t take this wrong, but I don’t want to give my credit card to a convict.”

    Me: “A convict? I assure you I’ve never had any problem with the law.”

    Customer: “Why do you have bars in the windows, then?”

    Me: “Our insurance company insists on having them so you can’t get in by just breaking a window.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (I’ve never seen anyone with such a bright red face before!)

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