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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Free KiWiFi

    | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

    Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

    Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

    Me: *stunned*

    (Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

    A Minor Mistake, Part 3

    | UK | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Having asked for ID for two members of a family’s table and them not having any, the two young people buy cokes. However, not long afterwards I see them drinking cocktails purchased by the father.)

    Me: “Excuse me, guys, but as I said at the bar I’m afraid I can’t let you two drink alcohol since you don’t have your ID with you.”

    Father: “Yeah, but I bought them. So, it’s fine.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t let anyone without ID drink alcohol. I need you to return those drinks or I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

    Father: “You let them drink their drinks or I’m calling the police. You’ll get fired and you’ll end up arrested.”

    Me: “You want to phone the police, to arrest me, because you supplied alcohol to a child?”

    Father: “… We’ll leave.”

    Related:
    A Minor Mistake, Part 2
    A Minor Mistake

    Your Passport To Being Banned

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I go into a bar I frequent. I had lost my wallet a few days earlier, but I know most of the bartenders, so I didn’t expect them to ask for identification. The woman working doesn’t recognize me, and asks for my ID. Also, I’m a 23-year-old white woman.)

    Me: “I think I actually have my passport in my car. Hold on.”

    (I go get it and show the bartender.)

    Bartender: *not amused* “This isn’t you.”

    Me: “No, it is…”

    (I get this almost every time I show my passport, because it is an old picture and it really doesn’t look that much like me.)

    Bartender: “Is this even real?”

    (Now, I’m offended.)

    Me: “It’s definitely me. I come here all the time and we went to [Community College] together!”

    Bartender: “No, we didn’t. And this is DEFINITELY not you.”

    Me: “It is! Look at the date it was issued. Look at my birth date. That picture was taken when I was 17. I’m 24 now, a little heavier, and my hair is longer and less pink, but it is DEFINITELY me!”

    Bartender: “This is you?”

    (She turns the passport to me and shows me the picture, one of an older man of Middle Eastern descent with a Saudi Arabian name and an impressive beard. A friend of mine had put his passport in my glove box months ago and then apparently forgot about it.)

    Me: “You’re right; that’s not me.”

    (Luckily, I had my actual passport, and was able to return my friend’s with an awesome story. With any luck at all, the bartender will fail to remember me again next time I go in.)

    A Major Minor Mishap

    , | Wales, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am 15 years old, and I work in my cousin’s burger van or cafe during the school breaks. Often I will be in the kiosk late at night when all the clubs close while my cousin is still working. One night a group of guys in their 30s comes up, slightly drunk, and ordered a bunch of food.)

    Customer #1: “You having fun tonight?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, god, leave her alone, dude!”

    Me: *laughs nervously*

    Customer #1: “Oh, come on… Hey, you see that sausage on the hotplate?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah?”

    Customer #1: “I could give you double the sausage on that hotplate if you come back with me.”

    Me: “Oh, is that so?”

    Customer #1: “Oh yeah, totally.”

    (I laugh and let him carry on, his friends just laughing at him.)

    Me: “So, I’m curious. Do you always talk to minors like that?”

    Customer #1: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m 15.”

    (Customer #1 runs off in a hurry without his order, red faced.)

    Customer #2: “Well, he won’t live that down any time soon!”

    EBT For HBO

    | CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money, Movies & TV

    (A customer has called to make a payment with a credit card.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, your bill total is [amount]. What credit card will you be using today?”

    Caller: “My credit card number is…”

    (The caller starts reading off a credit card number that starts with the number 5, which is a Mastercard, but I notice that what she is reading is over 16 digits long.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but the credit card number you gave me is too long. Is it a Master Card?”

    Customer: “No, it’s EBT.”

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