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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    The High Point Of My Night

    , | Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work as a cashier and am finally at the end of a long, frustrating split-shift. About 10 minutes to closing a group of guys in their early 20s come in and head straight for the confection aisle. They seem to be having a hard time deciding, and become panicked when my supervisor makes the closing announcement. They shove their candy, chips, and pop into the arms of one guy, and push him toward the cash. They leave the store, leaving their friend to pay. He places the items very slowly on the counter, blinking with confusion a number of times, swaying a little on his feet. I ring his items through.)

    Me: “That’s $14.59. How will you be paying?”

    Customer: “Uh… debit?”

    (He slowly pulls out his wallet and fumbles for his card. He finally places it in the debit machine, and then stares at it, unmoving. The machine times-out, so I reset it. He manages, with some difficulty to make it through the rest of the transaction. When I place his bag in front of him, he looks confused.)

    Customer: “Is this mine?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “These are the things I bought?”

    Me: “Uh… yes. Are you all right?”

    Customer: “Huh? Oh, yeah, don’t mind me, I’m just really fried.”

    (He pulls a 2 dollar coin out of his pocket and puts it on the counter.)

    Customer: “Don’t tell; my parents know the owner.”

    (He left, marveling at the automatic doors as he did. He has been back to the store a number of times, in the same state, and makes my day whenever he shows up.)

    The Bitter Taste Of The Law

    , , | USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work in the call center for a national fast food restaurant. We don’t accept ideas about new or modified products from guests, and we especially don’t pay for them. Any time a guest starts to give a suggestion, we have to read them a legal statement to that effect.)

    Caller: “I wanted to tell you that I love your turkey burgers, but I really think you should start serving them on gluten-free—”

    Me: *interrupting* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I do have something I need to read you real quickly.”

    (I then read the legal statement stating that we can’t accept her idea, and won’t pay for it.)

    Caller: *long pause* “Well, I don’t know what that means, but it doesn’t sound very nice, so I’m going to hang up on you.”

    (And she did!)

    Driving Away Illegal Sales

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (At my store, we’re required to check a customer’s ID with alcohol purchases, no matter how old the customer looks. If a manager catches us not checking, we can be fired. A customer comes through my checkout with a bottle of wine.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. May I see your ID with the wine?”

    Customer: “What? No. I left it in the car.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I actually have to see it to scan the wine. I won’t be able to sell it without an ID.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? I’m clearly old enough.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but it’s policy. I could be in trouble if I don’t, or even fired.”

    Customer: “That’s not my problem. Ring it up or call your manager.”

    (I call the manager. She comes over, and I explain.)

    Customer: “Tell her to just sell me my wine instead of wasting my time.”

    Manager: “Actually, ma’am, she’s correct. We have to see an ID with all alcohol purchases. You said you have it in your car?”

    Customer: “I’m not walking all the way out to my car just because of your stupid rule!”

    Manager: “I won’t be able to allow this alcohol sale, then.”

    Customer: “Fine! Leave it off, then! I’ll just get the rest of my stuff!”

    (She pays and leaves, and in case she changes her mind, I hold the wine at my register for about 20 minutes. Finally I decide to send it to customer service, where merchandise is gathered to be put back on the shelves. About 10 minutes after that, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “You were the one who took my wine before, right? I want to buy it now.”

    Me: “I don’t have it here anymore, but I’ll have the manager bring it right back for you.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “You said you had your ID in your car, so I thought if you were going to come back for it, it would only take a few minutes. I waited a while before putting it back.”

    (The customer huffs and taps her foot until the manager gets back, and since a line is forming behind her, the manager offers to take her to the next register over.)

    Manager: “And I’ll need to see your ID with this.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you have such a stupid policy! I had to drive all the way home to get this and all the way back here for one bottle of wine!”

    (The kicker? The ID she had to drive home for was her driver’s license.)

    Shoplifted And Uplifted

    | Washington, DC, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (Our store is small, but popular, so my boss schedules me a 12-hour day on Black Friday, with the intention to have me work the floor, but keep an eye out for shoplifters. I see a man take a watch out of a case, put it in his left hand, put his glove over the watch, then his fast food drink cup over that.)

    Me: *to customer I am assisting* “Would you excuse me a moment?” *to shoplifter* “Would you like me to take that watch and hold it behind the counter for you?”

    Shoplifter: “What watch?”

    Me: “The one in your left hand, sir. I can hold it behind the counter while you continue your shopping. If you’ll just give me the watch and your name, I’ll make sure it’s on hold for you.”

    Shoplifter: “I don’t have any watch in my left hand!”

    Me: “Sir, I saw you put your glove and drink cup over the watch. Would you like me to hold it behind the counter for you?”

    (My boss has watched the entire exchange.)

    Boss: “Sir, I can call security if I need to.”

    (The shoplifter takes the cup and glove off the watch, hands it to me, and walks away.)

    Customer: “Wow, that’s the nicest theft prevention I’ve EVER seen!”

    Stick To Your Guns And Don’t Make The Sale

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (About 15 years ago I worked in a very popular super retail store that had a sporting goods section that had just stopped selling guns and only sold pellet rifles and paintball guns.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy a gun.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t have any guns anymore. We do have pellet rifles. What did you want it for?”

    Customer: “Oh, um, there’s a coyote that has been getting into my yard and I wanted to get rid of it.”

    Me: “Hmm… Well, a pellet rifle might scare it off so it won’t come back?”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s really for my neighbor’s dog.”

    Me: “I see… Well, I don’t think I can help with that.”

    Customer: “Actually, it’s for my neighbor.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “He’s a jerk.”

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