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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    A Genuine Cents Of Change

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (At this coffee shop, do not accept $100 bills because all $20 are automatically dropped into a safe and we cannot make adequate change. It’s a particularly busy day with a rather long line, and a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I want a medium americano.” *hands me $100 bill*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have enough change to accept that bill. Do you happen to have anything smaller?”

    Customer: “No, this is all I have. I don’t have anything smaller.”

    Me: “Well then, today is your lucky day. Your drink is on me today!”

    (Note: I am trying to get the line moving and we’re allowed to give an arbitrary number of free drinks away a day if we think it’ll make the customer happy.)

    Customer: “No, just take the money, please. I don’t want the free drink. Just get the change from the safe.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, but your free drink will be up on the counter quickly.”

    Customer: “I don’t want the free drink!” *storms out without drink*

    (My manager, who had been eavesdropping on the entire exchange, approaches me after the customer leaves.)

    Manager: “Well, that bill was obviously counterfeit. Good for you for not accepting it!”

    Honest Heisters

    | Dublin, Ireland | Criminal/Illegal

    Me: “Hi. We are calling from [company]. Would you have some time to take part in a survey about Ireland?”

    Customer: “No, I can’t take part. I’m just a burglar here.”

    Me: “Oh, okay…we will try again some time.”

    Of Inky Inputs And Inopportune Idioms

    | Perth, Australia | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am a employee at a electronics store. We are having a fairly normal day. As I am attending to a woman, two men barge through the shop and demand that everyone drop to the ground.)

    Customer: *starts looking through her purse*

    Me: “Ma’am, I think we should do what they say and not call the police.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not looking for that…ah! Here it is!”

    (The customer holds up a pen. Meanwhile, I’m lying on the floor with a confused look on my face.)

    Customer: *whispers* “The pen is mightier then the sword.”

    Recipe For Disaster

    | Vancouver, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A customer comes up to the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind, Sudafed (pseudoephedrine) is controlled in all 50 states as it is used to make methamphetamine.)

    Customer: “I need some Sudafed.”

    Me: “Did you want Sudafed or [store brand]?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The active ingredient is the same but sometimes they change the inactive ingredients. It still works the same though. Plus, [store brand] is about 5 bucks cheaper.”

    Customer: “The recipe said I need Sudafed.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “Um, s***. Never mind, I got to go.”

    (Not So) Smooth Counterfeiting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am ringing up a customer when he hands me a 100 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Alright, I just need to check it really quick.”

    (I hold the bill up to the light.)

    Customer: “It’s okay. I just printed it.”

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