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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Weeding Out The Bad Customers

    | Australia | Criminal/Illegal

    (I work in the kitchen department in a well known retail chain when a toothless young man who looks and smells like he hasn’t bathed in a while approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; do you have anything electric that can grind… herbs?”

    Me: “Sure, we have a basic herb chopper, but if you want to grind it fine you might need a coffee grinder.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to lie to you…” *whispers* “It’s for weed.”

    Me: “I figured.”

    Customer: “”What do you use to grind your weed?”

    (I don’t use the stuff.)

    Me: “This coffee grinder here. It’s perfect for the job”

    Customer: “Thanks. Please don’t tell the cops.”

    An Overly-Expectant Mother

    | MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work as a cashier in a popular clothing store. During the daytime we often have stay-at-home moms come in. In the area I work in, they are often very out of touch with reality. This one customer comes in alone with four small children in tow. I am the only cashier on the floor and I am about to do my regular check on the fitting room.)

    Customer: “I need you to watch my kids while I go find a bathing suit.”

    Me: “I cannot watch your children. You need to keep them with you.”

    Customer: “Why not? You’re standing here anyway. Just watch them. I’ll be a minute.”

    Me: “Ma’am, take your children with you. Leaving them alone is a liability that the store does not assume.”

    Customer: “It’s just for a minute! Watch them for ONE minute!”

    Me: “No. Keep your children with you or I will have to ask you to leave. You are not allowed to leave your children in the store unattended.”

    Customer: “Oh, for crying out loud! Do any of you people understand what customer service is about? Where am I supposed to leave my children to shop?”

    Me: “With a babysitter. There is also a drop-in daycare center two blocks away.”

    Customer: *throws her hands up* “You’ve ruined my day. I guess moms aren’t allowed to shop!”

    Me: “You can shop with your children. We allow children in the store if they’re with their parents.”

    Customer: “Sometimes I need a break, too! Why is that so much to ask?!”

    Me: “Well, that’s what the daycare centers are for. You could always try one of those.”

    Customer: *storming away* “I guess I’m not allowed to shop now that I have kids!”

    Your Tiredness Kept The Safe Safe

    | Australia | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I manage a pizza store, and go in at 10:30 pm to help close up. I am in my casual clothes and I’m completely exhausted. I go outside the store to use the bathroom when I am stopped by someone.)

    Stranger: “Gimme the safe keys.”

    Me: *groggy* “Safe keys?”

    Stranger: “The f****** store safe keys!”

    Me: “…safe keys?”

    (The safe keys are in the store, but I am so tired I barely know my own name. Before the stranger can respond a coworker comes outside, and the stranger bolts.)

    Coworker: “Who was that?”

    Me: “That guy wanted safe keys… Wait, did that guy just kinda try to rob the store?”

    (If the coworker hadn’t shown up, the stranger could have easily harmed me in my state. This is one of many reasons that you shouldn’t overwork your store managers!)

    Can’t Barrel Out Of There

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work as a manager and beer department head at a local liquor store that sells kegs of beer.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; I need to order a keg of Corona.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but Corona, unfortunately, doesn’t make kegs.”

    Customer: “What’re you talking about? I ordered one last week!”

    Me: *trying not to get agitated* “Sir, I’m sorry, but like I said, Corona doesn’t make kegs. It’s impossible for me to get you a keg of Corona.”

    Customer: “This is bull-s***! The beer guy here got one for me last week!”

    Me: “Actually, I run the beer department at this store, and I have for the last few months. I can give you a list of all the kegs we can get you.”

    Customer: “QUIT BACK-TALKING ME! I want to see your manager, and I want to see him now!”

    Me: “Okay, not a problem.”

    (I turn around on the spot, making a 360 turn.)

    Me: “Hello, I’m the manager. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: *glares at me before walking out in a rage*

    Just Got Served By A Teenager

    | Bristol, England, UK | April Fool's Day, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Underaged

    (I’m working while taking an extra year at sixth form to finish one course. Due to my lack of classes I often end up working during typical school hours. My early birthday means I’m already 19 but I’m aware I look younger. A customer decides to make conversation with me.)

    Customer: “So, why aren’t you at school?”

    Me: “I don’t have any lessons today; I only take the one subject.”

    Customer: *laughing like he’s caught me out* “So you ARE still at school! You can’t serve me; you’re under 18! Get me your manager!”

    Me: “How about I do you one better, sir?”

    (I happen to have my wallet on me so I hand him my ID and he looks it over. He throws it back to me, takes his drink, and sits at a table. My manager walks by and he gets his attention, explaining what had happened. My manager is very relaxed and simply shrugs at the man.)

    Manager: “Sir, the challenge 21 policy doesn’t go both ways. She did nothing wrong. However I’m going to ask her, and if she felt you were offensive towards her I may just ban you from the premises.”

    (The man wasn’t banned, though the threat of it did make him treat everyone a lot nicer.)

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