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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Stick To Your Guns And Don’t Make The Sale

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (About 15 years ago I worked in a very popular super retail store that had a sporting goods section that had just stopped selling guns and only sold pellet rifles and paintball guns.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy a gun.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t have any guns anymore. We do have pellet rifles. What did you want it for?”

    Customer: “Oh, um, there’s a coyote that has been getting into my yard and I wanted to get rid of it.”

    Me: “Hmm… Well, a pellet rifle might scare it off so it won’t come back?”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s really for my neighbor’s dog.”

    Me: “I see… Well, I don’t think I can help with that.”

    Customer: “Actually, it’s for my neighbor.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “He’s a jerk.”

    Seems To Be Their Calling Card

    | USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

     

    (A customer has just left after paying for their stuff with a credit card. A few minutes later…)

    Customer: “Hi, again. I left my credit card behind. Have you seen it?”

    Me: “Let me see.” *looks around the register, counter, and pin-pad machine* “Is it on the floor?”

    Customer: “No. Well, where is it?”

    Me: “I do not know.”

    Customer: “You didn’t check out anyone else, did you?”

    Me: “I have not.”

    Customer: “I checked my purse, my pockets, and my bags. I can’t find it. Do you have it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t seen it.”

    Customer: “You have it. Don’t lie to me. It’s not right to steal credit cards. Call your manager, now! You thief! Give me back my card!”

    (I call the manager up.)

    Manager: “Are you sure you checked everywhere?”

    Customer: “Just check him! I should be calling the police.”

    (I reveal my pockets. My manager checks all around my station, and then:)

    Customer: “Oh, silly me. I put it in my glasses case. Thank heavens I found it.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Me: “No, no. Just forget that you were blatantly accusing me to be a thief. Feel free to leave without a heartfelt apology.”

    Manager: “Don’t worry. At least the police didn’t get involved this time.”

    Me: “This time?!”

    Will Drive You To Despair

    | Tacoma, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (As an airman I am ‘volunteered’ to help with managing traffic and marshaling cars to their parking spots. While the traffic of cars is stalled I noticed a woman talking on her phone while driving. This was a few months after it became illegal to talk on your phone while driving in Washington. I walk up to her car to ask her to get off her phone while she parked as we already had multiple collisions that day.)

    Woman: *finally off the phone* “My boyfriend just told me that I need photo ID to get into the air show!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need photo ID to be allowed to drive.”

    Hard Of Earring

    | Basingstoke, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work in a high-end high street women’s clothing store. We also sell accessories. Like most UK stores, we do not accept returns on earrings for any reasons, bar them being defective. We’ve just entered the mid-season sale period, where a lot of our jewellery is now 70% off. A fair amount of customers are returning and rebuying items to get the discounted price.)

    Customer: “I want to return this set of earrings and rebuy them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Store policy says we’re not allowed to accept returns on any earrings, unless they’re defective. Even though you’re wanting to rebuy them, I cannot process the return.”

    Customer: “I WANT TO RETURN THEM!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not allowed to do that.”

    Customer: “Yes, you are! You’re just saying that because you don’t want to give me the sale price!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, and I assure you we do allow returning and rebuying. We just can’t accept returns on earrings unless they defective in some way.”

    Customer: “I want to talk to someone else!”

    (I get my assistant manager, who comes over and relays what I’ve just told the customer.)

    Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t accept the return on them unless they’re defective.”

    (The customer drops the earrings on the floor, then stomps on them. She picks them up and puts them on the counter.)

    Customer: “I want to return these. They’re defective.”

    Assistant Manager: “We don’t accept returns on items that have been damaged purposely by customers.”

    Customer: “You have no proof I broke them. It’s your words against mine, and the customer is ALWAYS right!”

    Assistant Manager: “This may be true in most circumstances. Here, we have CCTV showing you damaged them yourself. I’m sorry. We cannot accept returns on them. Is there anything else you’d like me to help with today?”

    Customer: “MY EARRINGS ARE BROKEN! What am I gonna do with broken earrings?!”

    Me: “Would you like me to dispose of them?”

    (The customer glared at my assistant manager and me, then stormed out.)

    Bagged Himself A Steal

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

    Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

    (The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

    Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

    (Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

    Elderly Man: “I got him!”

    (All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

    Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

    Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

    Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

    (It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! Needless to say the man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)

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