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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    You Better Belize It

    | Belize | Criminal/Illegal

    (I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

    Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

    Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

    Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

    Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

    Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

    Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

    Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

    Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

    | South Dakota, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (We are a fair trade store and, as such, sell items such as incense and incense burners. We are sometimes mistaken for a “head shop”. We also rent kayaks in the summer.)

    Customer: *looking over his shoulder a few times* “Where is your ‘special merchandise?’”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “You know…” *winks* “…your ‘back room stuff.’”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything in a back room. All of our stock is out on the floor.”

    Customer: *pointing to the kayak storage room* “Then, what’s in there?”

    Me: “That’s our kayak room.”

    Customer: *knowing look* “Oh…your ‘kayak room’. Can I see your ‘kayak room?’”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (He walks back, opens the door, walks in. I can hear him moving things around for a few minutes before he returns with a confused look on his face.)

    Customer: “There’s kayaks in there!”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Where’s the weed?”

    Me: “Bye, now!”

    She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2

    | Brisbane, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top, Underaged

    (I work in a well-known alcohol retailer. There are a number of signs that state in large, bold print that it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors all over the store. Also, for our store there is no “the customer is always right” rule when dealing with alcohol: the law takes precedence. Anyway, I’m preparing to close the store when a woman rushes in).

    Customer: “Thank f*** you’re still open! I need a present for my daughter’s 16th birthday. She loves bourbon. What do you recommend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say “16th” birthday? Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors. I cannot serve you, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

    Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? She’s my daughter. I can buy her booze if I want to!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid not. As these signs quite clearly state, it is illegal to purchase or supply alcohol to a minor. This does not make a distinction as to whether you’re a parent or not. Truth be told, as a parent, you should know better.”

    Customer: “She’s my f***ing daughter and I’ll buy her f***ing alcohol if I f***ing want to! Now shut the f*** up and do your job!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am doing my job. Obeying the law is a very big part of my job, as [corporation name] takes a very dim view of staff members who breach the responsible service of alcohol laws. Now please leave my store.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU THEN! I’m not buying the booze for her. I’m buying it for me! Now f*** you and sell it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ve already told me it’s for her. I’m not selling you anything. What you’re asking me, a complete stranger, to do is break a Federal Law and put myself at risk of over $90,000 in fines, the loss of my job and never being able to work anywhere that sells alcohol again. I’m not willing to do that for my family, so why would I do that for a rude customer?”

    Customer: “Who the f*** do you think you are to say no to me? Do you know who I am?!”

    Me: “Someone who has absolutely no care for the law, her children or their well-being, and had better get the f*** out of my store right now before I physically throw you out and call the police?”

    Customer: *shuts up and flees*

    Related:
    He Fought The Law, And The Law Won
    She Fought The Law, And The Law Won

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s A Liar

    | Sacramento , CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (Keep in mind I work in a yogurt shop and we only sell yogurt and candy. An obviously underage customer comes up to be rung up.)

    Me: “Is that going to be it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get a pack of cigarettes too?”

    Me: “This is a yogurt shop, sir.”

    Customer: “I have my ID though!”

    Me: “This is a yogurt shop. Not only do we not sell cigarettes, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to accept a fake ID.”

    Customer: *storms out muttering obscenities*

    Bootleg Me Some Common Sense

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (Note: this takes place before either of these films are available on DVD or Blu-ray.)

    Customer: “I’d like a copy of Transformers 3 and Hangover 2.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those films are still in the theaters and won’t be out in stores until after the summer.”

    Customer: “No, I just saw them for sale at the flea market.”

    Me: “Those would be bootleg copies. They’re not very good quality.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. Just give me those.”

    Me: “We don’t sell bootlegs here.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should sell whatever the customer wants!”

    Me: “Bootlegs are illegal and we can’t carry them.”

    Customer: “That isn’t very good service! I’m going to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “That’s fine; you can ask for him at the service desk.”

    Customer: “I hope he fires you for being incompetent.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for shopping at [store] and have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Jacka**!”

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