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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s A Liar

    | Sacramento , CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (Keep in mind I work in a yogurt shop and we only sell yogurt and candy. An obviously underage customer comes up to be rung up.)

    Me: “Is that going to be it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get a pack of cigarettes too?”

    Me: “This is a yogurt shop, sir.”

    Customer: “I have my ID though!”

    Me: “This is a yogurt shop. Not only do we not sell cigarettes, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to accept a fake ID.”

    Customer: *storms out muttering obscenities*

    Bootleg Me Some Common Sense

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (Note: this takes place before either of these films are available on DVD or Blu-ray.)

    Customer: “I’d like a copy of Transformers 3 and Hangover 2.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those films are still in the theaters and won’t be out in stores until after the summer.”

    Customer: “No, I just saw them for sale at the flea market.”

    Me: “Those would be bootleg copies. They’re not very good quality.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. Just give me those.”

    Me: “We don’t sell bootlegs here.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should sell whatever the customer wants!”

    Me: “Bootlegs are illegal and we can’t carry them.”

    Customer: “That isn’t very good service! I’m going to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “That’s fine; you can ask for him at the service desk.”

    Customer: “I hope he fires you for being incompetent.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for shopping at [store] and have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Jacka**!”

    Holding A Smoking Gun

    | South West, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A customer is filling out a handgun license application.)

    Customer: “It asks here if I have a misdemeanor for domestic violence.”

    Me: “Yes, that is what it is asking you.”

    Customer: “You can’t buy a gun if you have a domestic violence charge?”

    Me: “Of course not. You can’t even legally be in this store.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, ‘Of course not’? You f****** b****!”

    Me: “Have a good one.”

    Customer: *grabs paperwork, tears it up, and tosses it at me*

    Some Barters Will Get You Busted

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A middle-aged man walks up to my register with some odds and ends.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Well, eventually. I had some help. All the guys on the floor are really helpful.”

    Me: “That’s good to hear.”

    (I continue ringing out the man’s purchases in silence for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m not real good with all that fix-it stuff…but if you ever need a good batch of cocaine, I can whip that up real fast!”

    Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang

    | Northamptonshire, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top

    (It’s 7 AM Christmas Eve, and our shop has only just opened. I am one of two checkout staff. There are three customers in shop, one of whom is acting edgy and therefore attracts my attention.)

    Me: *to my supervisor* “I think that guy put something in his pocket.”

    (My supervisor keeps an eye on man and sees him pocket a packet of sausages, so she calls security calls security. Half a dozen tall, bulky guys storm over to the checkouts. However, as it is Christmas Eve, they are all dressed up. Supervisor B, who is dressed up as an ice queen, complete with cape and crown, prevents the customer from leaving.)

    Supervisor: “Excuse me, sir, are you sure you’ve paid for everything?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (He looks up in fear at my supervisor, who is flanked by an angel, a snowman, a Christmas pudding, a Santa, and a guy in a tutu and fairy wings.)

    Customer: “Oh, um, yeah, here’s some other stuff.” *empties pockets* “Sorry, excuse me.”

    (He tries to side step to walk around us, but stumbles into a 6-foot snowman complete with top hat.)

    Customer: “Excuse me…excuse me…excuse me!” *scurries out the door*

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