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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Thar She ISOs

    | Hollywood, FL, USAUSA | Criminal/Illegal

    Customer: “You guys buy games, right?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Customer: “Any games, right?”

    Me: “Unless we have several of them in stock, or they’re in very poor condition, yes.”

    Customer: “So, you’ll take any games as long as there’s no scratches and you don’t have a bunch of them, right?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Customer: “Okay, good! I’ve got 20 games here that I wanna sell.”

    (The man opens the shoebox he’s been carrying and starts to unload a number of discs onto the counter.)

    Me: “Uh, sir…I can’t take these games.”

    Customer: “Why not? You just said you could!”

    Me: “Because they’re illegally copied games.”

    Customer: “But you said you’d take them!”

    Me: “Not if they’re DVD-Rs with the names written in Sharpie!”

    Scam Wars: Attack Of The Clones

    | Nottingham, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want a refund on this DVD.”

    Me: “Okay, what was wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I watched it and I didn’t like it.”

    Me: “Er, I’m sorry, but we don’t rent out DVDs here; we sell them. If there’s nothing wrong with it, I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “But I already copied this one, so I don’t need it anymore!”

    (Realizing what he’s just said, the customer tries to backtrack.)

    Customer: “Er…wait. I mean…”

    Me: *raised eyebrow*

    Customer: “Never mind!” *runs out of the store*

    Dovahkiin’s Day Off

    | Hamburg, Germany | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Skyrim, a popular video game, has just been released. As a result, we are overwhelmed by people who have come to retrieve pre-ordered games and others who haven’t pre-ordered. We’ve just run out of non-pre-ordered games when a customer comes in. He’s holding an empty Skyrim box.)

    Customer: “Oh, hi. I would like to buy Skyrim on PC, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve just run out of it. The only ones we have left are pre-ordered.”

    Customer: “Aw, come on, man! You must have some left in the back! Please, go check!”

    Me: “No, I’m sure we ran out of those. Same for PS3 and Xbox versions. Come back tomorrow morning; we’ll be resupplied.”

    (He moans about it for at least 5 minutes before giving up and begins wandering around the store. At this moment, another customer comes in to retrieve a pre-ordered PC version of Skyrim. Before we can say or do anything, the first customer LEAPS on the man, snatches the game from his hands and runs away, with me in tow followed by security. During the chase, the thief screams as if we are going to murder him.)

    Customer: “LEAVE ME ALONE, IT’S MINE! IT’S MYYYYYYYYYYYY GAME!”

    (A few meters later, he crosses the path of a tall man who, seeing and hearing the commotion, screams something to the thief. The tall man then rams the thief with his shoulder, sending the poor kid fly backwards and landing a least half a meter away. As the thief is being taken away by security and I’m retrieving the game box, I talk to the tall man.)

    Me: “Sir, what did you yell to him before grabbing him?”

    Tall Man: “Promise you won’t laugh?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Tall Man: “FUS RO DAH!”

    (FYI, “Fus Ro Dah” is a spell in Skyrim that allows players to violently push enemies and objects around. I couldn’t avoid laughing, and neither could he!)

    Blowing Smoke

    | Loveland, CO, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working the register and smell the very distinct scent of cigarette smoke. I look up, and sure enough there’s a woman with a lit cigarette dangling casually from her hand.)

    Me: “Ma’am, Colorado law prohibits smoking in any public buildings, and we also have a policy against it. You can’t smoke in here.”

    Customer: “I am not smoking. The cigarette is!”

    Finders Stealers

    | Wilmington, VT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Money

    (I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

    (I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

    Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

    (Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

    (The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

    Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

    Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

    Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

    (Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

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