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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Of Big Mouths And Even Bigger Customers

    | Waynesboro, PA, USAWaynesboro, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Underaged

    (At the gas station where I work, a bunch of young, smart-mouthed customers are holding up the line, talking about how f***ed up they’re going to get that night. I call several times but they’re too busy goofing off to notice. Eventually, a large, 6’6″ and ripped middle-aged gentleman who is also waiting taps one of the young customers on his shoulder. The young customer almost mouths off to the large gentleman, but thinks better of it and turns to me.)

    Young Customer: “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “I’m gonna need to see your ID.”

    Young Customer: “I’m gonna need to see YOUR ID!”

    (I immediately pull out my wallet and flip it open so it’s showing my ID.)

    Me: “Still gonna need to see your ID.”

    Young Customer: “Look, a**hole! I’m old enough to buy alcohol and you will sell me—”

    (At this moment, the large and ripped gentleman who has been patiently waiting behind walks up, pushes the smart-mouthed customer out of the way, and puts his stuff down.)

    Gentleman: “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes?’

    Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

    Gentleman: *to the young customer* “THAT’S how easy it is for adults. Maybe you’ll get there someday.”

    Dopey Duplicators Can’t Dupe Us

    | Mississippi, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (Keep in mind that our store keeps records of people who try to trade in or sell defective, illegally copied, or stolen merchandise. One day, a teenage customer comes in with a shoebox filled with about 40 unboxed games for the Nintendo DS.)

    Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d just like to get some cash for these games.”

    Coworker: “Alright, I just need to see some ID…”

    (My coworker does a quick check and finds that this particular customer is known for having sold us defective and illegally copied games.)

    Coworker: “Do all of these games work?”

    Customer: *face turns bright red* “Uhh… y-yeah. Yeah, they… they do.”

    Coworker: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Y-yeah.”

    Coworker: “Mind if I test this one out?”

    (My coworker proceeds to pull out his Nintendo DS. By now, the customer knows he’s been caught and begins shaking.)

    Customer: “Y-you know what, never mind. I’m f-f***ing outta here!”

    (He left his entire box of games on the counter. Most of them didn’t work, and the ones that did work were obviously copied. We never saw the kid again.)

    Caught With Your Hand In The Cookie Case

    , | California, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A kid who I barely know from high school comes into the store where I work.)

    Kid: “Hey, [my name], give me something free!”

    Me: “No. Did you actually want to order something?”

    Kid: “Depends. Can I at least have a discount?”

    Me: “No.”

    (The kid then proceeds to reach his hand inside the display case where the cookies are held. I notice this and shove the cookie tray against the case, causing his hand to be trapped.)

    Me: “Take your hand out of there and leave before I call the cops.”

    Kid: “But it’s stuck!”

    Me: “I don’t care. Get your hand out now!”

    (He pulls his hand out and ends up leaving with out ordering anything. Thankfully, he was never seen at our store again.)

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire, Part 2

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (A young customer is trying to purchase cigars, so I ask for his ID. Note: I’m Caucasian, and so is he.)

    Customer: “Why you askin’ for my ID for cigars? They ain’t cigarettes.”

    Me: “It is a tobacco product and illegal to sell to minors.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! Gimme a swisher! You’re just racist against me! Gimme a f***ing swisher!”

    (Suddenly, the customer behind him speaks up. It turns out they’re a police officer.)

    Officer: “He can’t without your ID. If you have a problem with it, let’s go outside. We can call your parents and we’ll have discussion about disturbing the peace.”

    Customer: *turns pale and leaves*

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

    The Faux-teen Of Youth

    | Queensland, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (Working in a liquor store one night, a male who looks about 16 enters the store. Please note: this happened in 2009.)

    Customer: *places beers on the counter* “Hi, I’ll just have these, thanks, and a bottle of rum.”

    Me: “Uh, sure mate. I’ll need to see some ID first.”

    (The customer produces ID, and it looks real—his photo on it, holograms where they should be—but one thing stands out: his DOB says he was born in 1929.)

    Me: “So. 1929 huh? You sure don’t look 80 to me.”

    Customer: “I’m over 18 though, aren’t I?”

    Me: “I think you better get out of my store before I call the cops, Gramps.”

    (The kid left the beer on the counter and ran off. He also left his ID, which I kept to show off to my friends. We all had a good laugh about it!)

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