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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    That Almost Became A Four-Finger Discount

    | Florida, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working the checkout during one of our biggest sales events. Despite the long line of customers, everyone seems to be happy and everything is going well. Then, a woman with a rather sour look on her face flings her items onto my counter.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you are. How DARE they hire you for a customer service position!”

    Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what exactly is it that I did?”

    Customer: “The man you just checked out cut the entire line! I’ve been waiting patiently in your f***ing for over five minutes and you decide to help the a**hole who doesn’t want to wait like the rest of us!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I agree that it was rude of him, but I didn’t realize that he cut in front of you as well as everyone else.”

    (Despite my apologies, she continues to scold me loud enough that my manager hears, walks over, and stands behind her. I’m placing her cash in the register when suddenly she lunges over the counter and reaches for the cash drawer. I quickly slam the door shut, accidentally pinching her fingers in the process. She yelps as she’s holding onto her hand, screaming for a manager.)

    Manager: “Yes, I’m the manager. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, you can fire that b**** of an employee you have there. She has been nothing but rude to me since I got here, and she just now assaulted me! I also demand that she apologize to me!”

    Manager: “Well, yes, I do agree that an apology is in order. Ma’am, I am sorry that you hurt yourself while attempting to steal the money from her cash drawer. ”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Manager: “With all due respect, ma’am, not only was I standing behind you when it happened, I also have you on camera reaching over and trying to steal money from the cash register, so there is no use denying it. So, before I escort you to my office and call the police, I’d honestly like to know why you tried to take money out of the cash register.”

    Customer: “Well, with everything that’s happened here today, I felt that I should be compensated. I figured I should get my stuff for free, as well as a little extra back for my troubles!”

    Frauds Rush In

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working the self checkouts at my store when I notice a customer about to walk out the door with unpaid merchandise. I call her out.)

    Me: “Miss, there’s a machine over here you can use to pay for those.”

    Customer: “But, you see, I’m in a hurry!”

    (She realizes she’s making excuses for stealing and glumly walks over to the machine. I watch her closely during the transaction and notice she only scans one of two items.)

    Me: “Miss, that product didn’t scan. You’re going to have to try again.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for this. I’m in a rush!”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy it.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God!” *picks up products to leave without paying*

    Me: “But, then you can’t actually take them.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll deal with the stupid machine. But you should really be more considerate of people who are in a rush!”

    You Just Weeded Yourself Out

    | NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a very popular supplement store, and we sell products that are called “detoxes”. There are certain ones that people buy under the impression that they can cheat a urinalysis. If the customer mentions anything about drugs or a urine test, we must refuse the sale.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need one of those detoxes.”

    (I unlock the display and bring it to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “Do these really work? I’m trying to find a job and I smoke a lot of weed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot sell you this product because you told me that. It is against federal law. I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Really? That sucks. Hey, are you guys hiring?”

    Driving The Point Home, Part 2

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A few customers are milling around the store, including a young woman and a uniformed police officer. Note that 99.9% of people here use a driver’s licence for an ID.)

    Woman: “Pack of [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have some ID on you?”

    Woman:No. Why the h*** would you ask me that?!”

    Me: “I’ll need to see some ID before I put these through, sorry. It’s our policy to ID anyone who looks under 25.”

    Woman: “Are you kidding me? I am 25; I just drove here!”

    (This entire time, the officer has been waiting in line behind her, and has overheard the conversation. Upon hearing that she has been driving, the officer makes eye contact with me, and after a second or two it clicks.)

    Me: “Sorry, so you don’t have your driver’s licence on you from the drive here? You know it’s illegal to drive without a licence on you?”

    Woman: “F***ing duh. What’s it to you?”

    Me: “Nothing at all to me, ma’am.” *looking over to the cop* “Sorry, officer, won’t be a second.”

    (The woman turns around and finds herself face-to-face with the police officer, who’s grinning like a child. Long story short, she walked home that day.)

    Related:
    Driving The Point Home

    A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Woes

    | NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, School, Top

    (My sister is doing a high school project at a grocery store where she has to interview the store manager. It’s in a shady part of town, so when she leaves her digital camera unattended for a few moments someone steals it. After alerting the security guard, he agrees to ask the customers in the store. The only people in the store at that time are my sister, the manager, my sister’s groupmates, a college student with an iPhone, and a few admittedly shabby-looking customers.)

    Guard: *to the college student* “Excuse me, sir, can I inspect your bag? There’s a reported missing item.”

    College Student: “I don’t have time for this! Those students should have taken better care of their belongings! I refuse to be searched!”

    Guard: “But—”

    College Student: “I’m a college student, for **** sake! Why would I steal a camera?!” *points to a shabby-looking customer*He’d have more reason to steal it! I refuse to waste my time for a bunch of kids who think their irresponsibility to take care of their camera makes them a priority!”

    Guard: “Sir…when did I ever say the missing item was a camera?”

    College Student: “I—”

    Guard: “I’ll need to search your bag now, or if you’re in such a hurry, I can have your ID.”

    (The college student consents and allows the guard to search his bag. Soon enough, the guard finds my sister’s camera.)

    Guard: “Is this yours, ma’am?”

    My Sister: “It is!”

    College Student: “What the f***?! That’s mine! I’ll have it back now and be on my way, please!”

    (The guard ignores the student and turns on the digital camera. The pictures show many pictures of my sister and her groupmates. There are also a few teenage pictures of my sister in that typical provocative teenage pose in front of the mirror while wearing a revealing two-piece. The college student turns paper white.)

    College Student: “Oh, that camera! Yeah, I found it on the table someplace and I was going to return it, but totally forgot and—”

    Guard: “Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?”

    (In the end, my sister got her camera back and the college student was taken away by police. The guard got a raise!)

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