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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Her Ranting Leaves You Breathless

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (I work in a call center for a small cell phone company. I get a call from an elderly lady about her service.)

    Customer: “I need my information to go to a different company.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help—”

    Customer: “My phone got stolen and I’m on breathing treatments and I need a phone so I’m getting a [Other Company] phone.”

    Me: “All right, I’d be happy to help. Now, I see here that your services are currently disconnected. I do apologize. You would need to pay this balance to reconnect your service before we will be able to take your number to [Other Company].”

    Customer: *starts crying* “My phone got stolen and I can’t afford to pay this. I got texting removed at [Store] in West Virginia and reported it stolen! I didn’t do any of those charges. I’m going to tell all of my friends and family to leave you!”

    Me: “I do apologize, ma’am. I’d be happy to help and see if there’s something we can work out with you.”

    Customer: *immediately stops crying on a dime* “I’m not paying it! My bill is only supposed to be $30 a month!”

    Me: “I do apologize; I’m seeing your bill is actually $50 a month. I do see overages on your account but I’d be happy to check with another department to work with you.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand! I couldn’t get to the store to report my phone stolen because there’s only one cab in [City] in West Virginia! I couldn’t get to [Store]! My phone was stolen!”

    (The customer continues to go on for several minutes in constant ranting and doesn’t let me speak at all.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I do apologize. I’m not seeing that phone was suspended or that it’s listed here that it was reported as stolen. I’m also seeing that you’re calling from the phone—”

    (The customer then hung up. But you know… For someone on breathing treatments she certainly was long winded! I hope she found her phone!)

    Learning That Theft Is Not A Game

    | Roanoke, VA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (This exchange is short, but occurred years ago while working at the front register of a local office supply retailer in the area. The way this building is set up is that you pass through two sets of doors, connected by a small hallway with glass panels so that we can see people entering/departing. I finish ringing up a young woman and her son, who has remained very quiet throughout the entire purchasing exchange. Then this happens.)

    Me: “Thank you for your business. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thanks. Let’s go, [Son].”

    (The two make their way out; I happen to glance at them as they are walking away and notice the boy keeping his hands tucked behind his back. He is holding a small computer game disc out of view. At first I didn’t see it as theft; I couldn’t remember if I had rang it up. Regardless, I stepped over and before they got halfway through:)

    Me: “Sorry, miss, did you want me to bag his game as well?”

    Customer: “Wha-? Game?”

    (She then turns and sees what her son is holding, becoming pale and suddenly frantic. She snatches up the game and the boy’s hand, charging back into the store telling me how sorry she is and that she is making him take it back right away. I just stand there sort of in awe.)

    Her: “Wait until your father gets home!”

    Son: *says nothing, hanging his head, walking sulkily out the door behind his mother*

    Me: “Ah, well, then…” *under my breath* “…good luck, kid.”

    Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A couple of weeks ago the bicycle that I had owned since I was eight years old was stolen, right outside my shop. I was at work at the time and the CCTV we have can’t pin the culprit as he was in a blind spot. The police have been as unsuccessful as well. As my only method of transport, I have to go by foot which takes 40 minutes. I’m behind the counter one day, when…)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I park my bicycle in here? Some guy got his stolen the other week so I don’t want to take any chances.”

    Me: “Sure, just park it up by the counter and I’ll—”

    (Before I can finish, the customer brings the cycle — MY CYCLE — in and rests it against the counter.)

    Me: “—k-keep an eye on it for you.”

    (The second the customer turns around the corner, I’m on the phone to my manager to ring the police. When he comes out of the office he notices the cycle and is just as baffled as me.)

    Manager: “What’s going on here?”

    Me: “A gentlemen just came in with this. He’s gone into the produce aisle but I’m certain that he’s the thief.”

    Manager: “Right. You stay here. I’ll speak to him.”

    (Without another word, my now-furious manager had rounded the corner and gone to have a word with the gentlemen in question. Not a second later I could hear swearing at the top of the gentlemen’s lungs as he came running down the same aisle and reached for my bike. My instinct kicked in and I held on to the back wheel as much as I could as he shouted for me to ‘f*****g let go’. He gave up sooner than anticipated as my manager charged at him, so he sprinted for the door. However, the police were waiting outside for him, and in a flurry of swearwords the crook was brought to the ground and arrested there and then. How did I know it was my bicycle? The dingus had forgotten to remove my water bottle which was attached to the frame and had my name on it! I guess crime doesn’t pay!)

    The Blade Isn’t As Sharp As The Employee

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes in with a an 8 1/2″ circular saw blade and he wants to return it.)

    Customer: “This blade isn’t going to work for me.”

    Me: “Oh, do you want to go down and see what would work for you?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to get my money back.”

    Me: “Well, in that case, sir, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

    Me: “Oh, let’s see if I can find you in the system.”

    (Our system holds transactions for about three months. It is easy to find a customer if they paid with a card.)

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. I am not able to find you in the system. When did you buy this saw blade?”

    Customer: “I was in here yesterday!”

    (The customer is getting a bit irritated.)

    Me: “Do you have our [Business] rewards card, sir?”

    Customer: “F***, no! Why would I have your s****-a** card?!”

    Me: “In that case, sir, would you hold on a moment? It looks like I’ll need to get my manager because this is not in the system at all.”

    (I call my manager over and he asks all the questions I already did. I notice something is off: we carry this particular brand but we only stock one at a time, which is what the computer says we have currently. Sure enough, when I got to the shelf, that particular blade is missing, I head back up to my manager and pull him aside.)

    Me: *very quietly* “Sir, I have reason to believe that the customer is trying to return a stolen item.”

    (The customer is getting quite fidgety and very annoyed.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “Sir, I’m going to call the cops. Not only did you steal this, you tried to return it by getting what it was worth out of us as well. We have your face and license plate’s number on our cameras.”

    (The man bolted out of the store and ran away leaving the saw blade on the counter. I got 100 bucks for catching a shoplifter!)  

    Driving Through Adequate Fraud Prevention

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer walks up to the till. I’m watching the conversation from the kitchen nearby.)

    Customer: *to the cashier* “Could I speak to your manager, please?”

    Manager: *hearing her* “What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I just came through the drive-thru a few minutes ago, and you forgot my two angus burgers.”

    Manager: “I very much doubt that.”

    (The manager points out the window, where the entire drive-thru and much of the parking lot have been torn up and blocked off for reconstruction. The sound of power tools can be heard even inside the restaurant.)

    Customer: “Um…” *stammers a bit before scurrying out of the store*

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