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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    An Attention Deficit Disorder

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (A patron grabs a pair of our headphones, puts them in her purse, and starts walking away.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t take our headphones away from the computer area.”

    Patron: “Oh. I didn’t think you were paying attention, so I just took them. Is that okay?”

    Me: “…no. No, it isn’t.”

    Praying The Layaway Away

    | Taylor, MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work in a layaway service that has the option to cancel your layaway anytime you want.)

    Customer: “Hi, I just need to do a couple things today. I want to make a regular payment on one and pay the other one off.”

    Me: “Okay, I just need to see your ID. Do you want to do the payment first?”

    Customer: “I want to cancel one and take both out.”

    Me: *thinking I misheard* “Oh, sorry. I thought you wanted to make a payment and pay one off.”

    Customer: “No. I’m not making a payment, but I’m taking both out.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry? So you don’t want to cancel?”

    Customer: “No, I do want to cancel one! I want them both right now though!”

    Me: “So, you want me to take the one layaway out so you can buy it up front?”

    Customer: “No, what? I want my things, but I want my refund, too.”

    Me: “… Ma’am, if I’m hearing you right, I can’t give you your items if you don’t pay for it. You need to pay it off first.”

    Customer: “No one would have to know though, right? Just put it through as a refund and give me my stuff and my money. You’re going to be taking it out anyway. It’s easy.”

    Me: “… I can’t do that. That would be stealing.”

    Customer: “But I picked out the stuff myself! Whatever. I’ll come back later when someone actually WANTS to help me. You get confused too easy!”

    (She then walked off. Turned out she did try to come back and ask for a ‘refund,’ but was quickly taken care of by security when she began to throw a fit over ‘poor service!’)

    A Smashing Deal

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks in and asks to trade her ‘Ultimate Captain America’ collectible for the limited Edition, $700 Hulk collectible.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to Toy Trades. Is there anything you need help with?”

    Customer: “I brought a collectible Captain America. I want to trade it for the Hulk.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll go grab the Hulk. ”

    (I go grab the Hulk and pass my co-worker, who says that she must have an expensive collectible.)

    Me: “Here it is.”

    Customer: “Oh, thanks! Here is my Captain America. Um, lemme take that…”

    Me: “Wait! By policy I need to look at your collectible.”

    Customer: “You don’t have to look at it… Consider it like a gift.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to look at your collectible first.”

    (She grabs the Hulk and tries to run but another customer grabs her.)

    Customer: “I JUST WANTED A D*** PRESENT FOR MY MOTHERF****** SON! TAKE THE CAPTAIN AMERICA, YOU IDIOT!”

    (She throws a toy Captain America that has a Fast Food Restaurant label on it. Being the empathetic person I am, I grab a Hulk eraser and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

    His Assumption Is Not On The Money

    | West Allis, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

    (The caller explains his financial situation.)

    Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

    Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

    Me: “It would be [attorney's fee] plus costs.”

    Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

    Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

    Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

    Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

    Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

    Me: “Yes, it really is.”

    (Long pause.)

    Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

    Me: “… No.”

    Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

    Trying To Clean Up His Act

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    Coworker: “We had another shoplifter yesterday. Another one of our regular customers that we always look after.”

    Me: “Really? Who?”

    Coworker: “This guy who brings a bike in.”

    Me: “Oh, I saw him as I was leaving yesterday. Had a funny feeling about him.”

    Coworker: “Yes. He shopped for about half an hour while I stayed at the counter and kept an eye on his bike. He then came up to ask if we had soap making kits. I told him no but when he bent down to pick up the bag he left by his bike I saw a package with a pair of scissors in it, stuffed down his pants.”

    Me: “Down his pants?”

    Coworker: “Yes, the back of his pants. I told him he needed to pay for them so he pulled them out and threw them on the counter. But when he turned I noticed another item down his pants so I asked for that as well and he pulled that out. Then I noticed he had something in his pocket so I asked him what that was. He claimed it was something of his. I told him to show me and he pulled out more of our stock and threw it on the counter.”

    Me: “I knew I had a strange feeling about him.”

    Coworker: “Yes, and I was doing him a favour by watching his bike. I have no idea what else he bought. I watched him leave and saw him go in the fishing shop, so I raced up to warn them. They warned other shops as well. Each made sure he was followed in the store.”

    Me: “Hopefully he won’t come back.”

    Coworker: “Me, too, but the weirdest part was not long after there was a phone call. It was his voice asking if we had soap making kits.”

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