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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Scam Wars: Attack Of The Clones

    | Nottingham, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want a refund on this DVD.”

    Me: “Okay, what was wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I watched it and I didn’t like it.”

    Me: “Er, I’m sorry, but we don’t rent out DVDs here; we sell them. If there’s nothing wrong with it, I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “But I already copied this one, so I don’t need it anymore!”

    (Realizing what he’s just said, the customer tries to backtrack.)

    Customer: “Er…wait. I mean…”

    Me: *raised eyebrow*

    Customer: “Never mind!” *runs out of the store*

    Dovahkiin’s Day Off

    | Hamburg, Germany | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Skyrim, a popular video game, has just been released. As a result, we are overwhelmed by people who have come to retrieve pre-ordered games and others who haven’t pre-ordered. We’ve just run out of non-pre-ordered games when a customer comes in. He’s holding an empty Skyrim box.)

    Customer: “Oh, hi. I would like to buy Skyrim on PC, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve just run out of it. The only ones we have left are pre-ordered.”

    Customer: “Aw, come on, man! You must have some left in the back! Please, go check!”

    Me: “No, I’m sure we ran out of those. Same for PS3 and Xbox versions. Come back tomorrow morning; we’ll be resupplied.”

    (He moans about it for at least 5 minutes before giving up and begins wandering around the store. At this moment, another customer comes in to retrieve a pre-ordered PC version of Skyrim. Before we can say or do anything, the first customer LEAPS on the man, snatches the game from his hands and runs away, with me in tow followed by security. During the chase, the thief screams as if we are going to murder him.)

    Customer: “LEAVE ME ALONE, IT’S MINE! IT’S MYYYYYYYYYYYY GAME!”

    (A few meters later, he crosses the path of a tall man who, seeing and hearing the commotion, screams something to the thief. The tall man then rams the thief with his shoulder, sending the poor kid fly backwards and landing a least half a meter away. As the thief is being taken away by security and I’m retrieving the game box, I talk to the tall man.)

    Me: “Sir, what did you yell to him before grabbing him?”

    Tall Man: “Promise you won’t laugh?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Tall Man: “FUS RO DAH!”

    (FYI, “Fus Ro Dah” is a spell in Skyrim that allows players to violently push enemies and objects around. I couldn’t avoid laughing, and neither could he!)

    Blowing Smoke

    | Loveland, CO, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working the register and smell the very distinct scent of cigarette smoke. I look up, and sure enough there’s a woman with a lit cigarette dangling casually from her hand.)

    Me: “Ma’am, Colorado law prohibits smoking in any public buildings, and we also have a policy against it. You can’t smoke in here.”

    Customer: “I am not smoking. The cigarette is!”

    Finders Stealers

    | Wilmington, VT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Money

    (I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

    (I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

    Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

    (Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

    (The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

    Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

    Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

    Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

    (Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

    A Bad Run For Their Money

    | Minnesota, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

    (My coworker is serving a group of five teenaged guys. All are very loud, obnoxious, and annoying. They don’t order a lot of food, and finally get up to leave. I am putting in an order then this happens…)

    Coworker: *to me* “THEY ARE RUNNING! THEY ARE RUNNING!”

    Me: “Did you get the license plate number?!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, right after the last guy paid, I noticed there was still one seat open with just a short stack of pancakes. I asked the guy’s friend if his friend was coming back to pay. He turned beet red, said “Yeah,” and that he would go get him. The car already was backed up and waiting when he walked out the door so I went to get the plate numbers quick.”

    Me: “Okay, give me the numbers. I’ll call it in.”

    (I call the police and give them the license plate and description of the car. About five minutes later, an officer shows up and gets a description of the guy who walked out on his bill. He says they may have the kids, and he will get the money for us. Ten minutes later, the officer shows up again.)

    Officer: “Here is the money for the bill. His friends had to pay for it so he wouldn’t get a ticket.”

    Me: “I was hoping you would have brought him up here to face his crime.”

    Officer: “Normally, that is what I would do. However, when we pulled them over for not paying the bill, we noticed the smell of alcohol. They are currently getting minors for underage drinking.”

    (In Minnesota, the fine for underaged drinking is $200. In the end, four of them were under age and drinking and got tickets for it. The bill he walked out on was only $4.55!)


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