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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Time To Start Screening The Tourists

    | Utah, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

    (Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

    Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

    Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

    Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

    Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

    Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

    Me: “…A paint store?”

    Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

    Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

    Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

    Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask, Part 2

    | Commerce, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (A car pulls up to our store. Two teenagers get out while the driver waits inside. I know the second teenager as a petty shoplifter, so I keep a very close eye on them.)

    Teenager #1: “I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll need to see a valid, current, driver’s license in order to sell them to you.”

    Teenager #1: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I need to verify your age. By law, you need to be eighteen or older to purchase tobacco products in this state.”

    Teenager #1: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you the cigarettes, then.”

    (The two teenagers leave the store and talk with the driver. They then come back in and resume begging.)

    Teenager #1: “Please?”

    Me: “No. It’s against the law. I’m not able to do it.”

    (They leave to the car and return again.)

    Teenager #1: “Okay, I’ve got the license.” *hands me an old learner’s permit*

    Me: “I’m afraid I still can’t sell you the cigarettes.”

    Teenager #1: “Why not!? I’ve given you the license!”

    Me: “It’s still not possible. You see, this is a learner’s permit, not a license. That alone wouldn’t be too bad if you could prove this is your permit. However, this doesn’t have a picture of you on it. But before you go fishing out a student ID or anything like that, I can’t accept this for other reasons. First of all, it has expired. Secondly, it isn’t a license with your picture on it. Lastly, it says you are only seventeen and that you had a birthday last month. You still aren’t eighteen.”

    Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, please?”

    (The teenagers leave yet again, talk to the driver, and return. This time, they take their begging to another customer who has been filling out paperwork and drinking coffee near the front door.)

    Teenager #1: “Sir, could you buy some cigarettes for me? That guy won’t sell them to us.”

    Another Customer: “Seriously? You are seriously asking me that?”

    Teenager #1: “Well, yeah. He won’t sell them, and we really want them!”

    (The other customer looks at them as if they have gone into the Twilight Zone.)

    Another Customer: “You want me…”

    Teenager #1: “…to buy the cigarettes.”

    Another Customer: “Wait a moment. You want ME to buy you cigarettes. He’s already heard you ask me, and by law he can’t sell them to me because he will know that I am buying them for you.”

    Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, just buy them, will you?”

    Another Customer: “Furthermore, you are asking ME to break the law…”

    Teenager #1: “Come on, man… please?”

    Another Customer: “…an on duty, fully in-uniform police officer to break the law and buy you cigarettes?”

    Teenager #1: “Yeah, please?”

    Another Customer: “Think. About. It.”

    (Seeing the officer’s answering glare, the teenager and his friend finally decide the game is over. No cigarettes tonight!)

    Related:
    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

    Three Beers To The Wind

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

    Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

    Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have 3 beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

    Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

    Customer: “What beer?”

    (I poke the can under his shirt.)

    Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

    Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

    Customer: *meekly leaves*

    Courage Under Hire

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m in the back, preparing for my shift. It’s past rush hour, but the station is still busy. My coworker is working the till, and there’s a line of customers.)

    Coworker: “Good evening. What pump did you have?”

    (Suddenly, the customer pulls out a BIG hunting knife.)

    Customer: *threatening* “Give me the cash!”

    Coworker: *annoyed* “Did you have gas to pay for or not? It’s late. There are people behind you in line waiting to pay and go home, and you’re holding up the line.”

    Customer: *lowers knife* “Oh, sorry.”

    (To everyone’s surprise, the would-be robber leaves, dejected. Everyone just stares at my coworker, dumbfounded.)

    Coworker: “Wait, was he trying to rob us?”

    Next Customer: “Balls of steel, man!”

    (My coworker realizes what he’s done, and starts freaking out. He was a bit shaken for an hour or so, but was okay afterwards.)

    Always Right, Even When Completely Car-razy

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Christmas time, and the parking lot has completely filled at the mall where I work. A shuttle is actually taking customers from a stadium across the highway where they are letting us overflow traffic. We’re busy at work when we hear a loud crash outside. An SUV has jumped the curb, onto the sidewalk and slammed into a willow reindeer in front of our window. We all rush out, to see if anyone was hurt, in time to see a woman getting out of the driver’s seat.)

    Manager: “Are you alright?!”

    Woman: “The only thing not alright here is your godd*** parking lot. There’s no f***ing parking anywhere!”

    (Cursing up a storm, she yanks two kids out of the backseat and starts walking away.)

    Manager: “Hey, you can’t leave your car here!”

    Woman: “The h*** I can’t! There’s no other godd*** place to park!”

    (Right after she leaves, security arrives. Our store’s door is partially blocked for an hour while they tow the car, and we fill out paperwork with her description and the police are called to assess the damages. Just before close, the woman and her kids, all laden with shopping bags, come storming into our store. She notices her car is missing and begins screaming and yelling. I run to telephone security.)

    Manager: “Mall security towed your car because—”

    Woman: “The h*** they did! You took the car!”

    Manager:I took it?”

    Woman: “You and your little girlies over there must have pushed it somewhere! Where is it?!”

    (She barges past the manager, through the store, and into the backroom. A moment later, we hear screams and something smash. I get off the phone with security and rush back to find she has smashed our employee coffee pot and is knocking over boxes. Seeing me, she shoves back onto the selling floor, and starts knocking over fixtures and mannequins. The manager has rushed all other customers to the fitting rooms for their safety. Grabbing her kids, the woman heads for the door and is literally tackled by mall security. She not only ends up arrested for property damage and assault charges, but they find shoplifted items in her bags. The clincher? She wrote in to corporate later, complaining about our customer service and demanding a free gift card!)

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