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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Oblivious To The Obvious

    | UT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money

    Me: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”

    Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”

    Me: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”

    Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”

    Me: “Pay your bill on time?”

    Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”

    Me: “Um… stop breaking the law?”

    Fare The Horde

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top, Transportation

    (On my Seattle bus, a passenger tries to slip in through the back door and sneak to a seat without paying.)

    Bus Driver: “Please come up and pay, sir.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks and ignores him*

    Bus Driver: “Sir, please come up and pay.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *continues ignoring him*

    (Fed up, I intervene.)

    Me: “That’s you, bro.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks again*

    (I wait a few seconds before I get up, walk over, and pull out one of his ear-buds.)

    Me:Look. I got three hours of sleep last night, I’m having a bad morning, and you are not going to make me late for work. Get your self-entitled a** up there and pay your d*** fare!”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *slinks up to the front of the bus and pays*

    (Note that I’m wearing a t-shirt with “Thrall” from World of Warcraft. Another passenger at the front notices and shouts back towards me…)

    Another Passenger: “FOR THE HORDE!”

    A Disservice To Good Parenting

    , | UK | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a department store. It is Halloween, and our best kid’s costumes are out on display. I am decorating the store with fake spiders, when a angry customer and his bratty kid comes up to me.)

    Me: *looking at child tearing down bunting* “Uh, kid? I’m going to have to ask you to stop that.”

    Customer: *scowls at me* “Don’t you DARE!”

    Me: “Is this your child, sir?”

    Customer: “Yep! He’s not going to stop for a minimum wage weirdo!”

    Me: “But, sir, he’s defacing store property! I have to ask you to replace that mannequin and the torn bunting.”

    Customer’s Kid: “Shut the f*** up!”

    (I pause in shock.)

    Customer: “That’s it boy! We don’t be polite to serving people! They’re below us!”

    Coworker: “Excuse me sir? I’m going to have to ask you to go, or I’ll call security.”

    Customer: “I’m not scared of you! I’ll bet you’re not even Christian!”

    (At this point, a nearby customer who has overheard everything walks over.)

    Nearby Customer: *completely calm* “No, I’m not. I do, however, have a brown belt in Brazilian Floor Ju-jitsu. Let’s step outside and discuss this, shall we? Or you can kindly replace the decorations and leave these kind people alone.”

    Customer: *turns pale* “L-let’s go son. I wanna leave this devil store.” *mumbles while shoving a note into my hands* “This stuff is crap anyway.”

    (The best part? The man and his kid had walked into some off-duty police officers, who found the man had stuffed a bunch of MP3 Players into his top!)

    A Very Moral Figure(ine)

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work at a small, family-owned and operated movie store that also sells various movie/anime merchandise. Lately, we’ve been having trouble with a specific group of kids coming in and stealing from us. I’m currently managing the register when I notice one of the kids in the group entering the store, being pulled in by his mother. She sees me and heads over to my counter. The owner also sees this and heads over towards us.)

    Mother: “I’m really hoping you can help me.”

    (She reaches into her purse, pulls out an anime figurine, and places it on the counter.)

    Mother: “See, I was cleaning my son’s room yesterday when I found this on his desk. I did a little more cleaning and I found its box that had your store’s price tag on it. Despite what he says, I know that I didn’t buy it for him; I believe he stole from you all. So, we’re here to return it and make this right.”

    Me: “I’m happy that you want to do the right thing and all, but unfortunately I’m unable to return opened merchandise, especially without its original packaging.”

    Mother: “Please, you have to take this back. I work two jobs just to pay the bills; I can’t afford this toy nor does he deserve it. There must be some way.”

    Owner: “Ma’am, I appreciate you coming in and trying to do the right thing. I know it wasn’t you who stole from me; it was your son. With all due respect, I don’t believe you should have to waste your hard earned money to fix his mistake. With your permission, I’d like to suggest an alternative solution.”

    (The owner’s solution? Every Saturday for the next two months, that kid came in and ‘volunteered’ to help out around the store. At the end of the two months, he learned a valuable lesson and even paid for the stolen figurine.)

    Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Copyright

    | Copy ShopCanada | Criminal/Illegal

    Customer: “Do you copy DVDs?”

    Me: “Yes we do, as long as they don’t contain copyrighted material.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “We can copy your DVDs if they consist of content that you created.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s a season of a TV show.”

    Me: “That would be copyrighted.”

    Customer: “Oh, no it’s not.”

    Me: “Yes, TV shows are copyrighted.”

    Customer: “But it was recorded legally.”

    Me: “What do you mean it was recorded legally?”

    Customer: “My friend recorded it for me.”

    Me: “That would be illegal.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. He pays for his cable, and he copied a series for me, and I want another copy of it.”

    Me: “Yes, that’s illegal.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because you have to pay for cable too if you want to watch it. And you can probably buy them on DVD at the store.”

    Customer: “Nope, not this show!”

    Me: “Well it’s still illegal. I won’t be able to copy them.”

    Customer: “Ugh!”

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