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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Contr-Acting Badly

    | NB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (A customer comes in to return their truck rental.)

    Me: “Since you’re two hours over time, you’re going to have to pay for another day.”

    Customer: “Well if you’re going to charge me for it, I want that truck back so I can move some things.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve closed the contract. You would have to start to start a new one.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous; just give me the truck.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; you have to start a new contract.”

    (The customer turns and starts to walk around the counter. I grab the keys from the wall and put them behind my back.)

    Customer: “Gimme those keys!”

    (He rushes forward and attempts to tackle me, hitting into me with his shoulder. My manager is on the phone right away. We struggle for a bit, but he finally gets his hand on the key tag and pulls it free from my hand. The key itself cuts my palm pretty bad. He starts stomping out of the building as my manager yells to him.)

    Manager: “If you walk out that door, I’m charging you with grand theft auto.”

    (The guy stops and huffs, then drops the keys and walks outside. My coworker pulls me up, and we wait for the police to arrive. When the police arrive one of them greets the customer with a huge smile and a hand shake; it seems he knows him quite well. The two police officers and the man talk for a while and finally they come over to talk to me.)

    Police Officer: “If you want to press charges, it’s not going to be easy. He wasn’t trying to hurt you; he was just trying to get the keys. We can’t really report this as an assault. If he shakes your hand and apologizes, will you agree not to press charges?”

    (I nod agreement.)

    Customer: “Oh, hey, sorry I tripped and fell on you there. I wasn’t trying to hurt you; I was just trying to get the keys.”

    (I can now say that he was the worst customer I’ve ever had. When someone gets mad at me, or swears at me at work, I just laugh. Nothing they can say can be worse than what that customer did to me. I now keep a heavy, blunt object on hand at the counter, just in case.)

    Treating Them Im-Parcel-ly Is Only Polite

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I witness a customer exchange at the counter while I am in line.)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a parcel; here’s the delivery card.”

    Clerk: “Sure, I’ll just look that up for you.”

    Customer: “By the way, why were you rude to my daughter?”

    Clerk: “I… what?”

    Customer: “My daughter came in earlier to get this parcel. You were rude to her, and wouldn’t let her pick it up for me.”

    Clerk: “I’m sorry. As I explained to her at the time, only the person whose name is on the parcel can take it. We have to do that to prevent fraud.”

    Customer: “Her name is on it! Look at the card!”

    Clerk: “Um… I’m sorry, but you wrote that in yourself. It’s a different coloured ink, and the handwriting is different.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Clerk: “Look, I’m sorry; only the person whose name is on the card can pick it up. I explained that to your daughter—”

    Customer: “You should learn how to speak to people properly, and stop being so rude!”

    Clerk: “Um… let me go get your parcel.”

    (The clerk is visibly upset as she leaves. Her supervisor comes back with the parcel in question.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your parcel. Now, can you see here on the parcel where it has your name on it?”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care whose name is on it! I wanted my daughter to pick it up, and you should have given it to her!”

    Supervisor: “That would have been illegal. We can’t just give out parcels because someone says—”

    Customer: “I don’t f******* care! Just give me the f******* book to sign!”

    (She signs for the parcel and storms out, offering one final pearl of wisdom before going out the door.)

    Customer: “You should learn to f******* speak to people more politely, b****!”

    Not Sue-ted To Shoplifting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (I spot a young woman looking shiftily around, obviously checking to make sure no associates are watching her. I step up behind her as quietly as I can; she hasn’t spotted me yet. She starts putting a couple stacks of shirts into her bag.)

    Me: “Ah-HEM!”

    (She freezes, and slowly turns around.)

    Woman: “I was just—”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Woman: “I really need—”

    Me: “Mm-hmm?”

    (She sheepishly puts the stack of shirts back onto the table, and starts to walk towards the exit.)

    Me:All of it please, ma’am.”

    (She scowls like a little kid, stomping over and throwing the last shirt in her bag at me.)

    Woman: “I’ll sue you all!” *stomps out*

    The Honesty Of The Thievery Pants

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (A man comes in and starts looking through the clothes. He grabs a pair of pants, and starts fast-walking towards the door.)

    Coworker: “Sir, are you going to pay for those?”

    Man: “No.”

    Coworker: “Sir, we really need you to pay for those.”

    Man: “NO!”

    Me: “Please, sir! We need those back!”

    Man: “I need them more!”

    (The man bolts out the door. We look at each other for a moment dumbfounded, then burst out laughing.)

    Prescription Affliction

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a pharmacy technician. The pharmacist receives a call.)

    Caller: “This is Lisa; I am calling from Dr. [name]‘s office. I need to call in a prescription for a patient.”

    Pharmacist: “Sure, what is the patient’s name?”

    Caller: “It is [name].”

    Pharmacist: “And the prescription?”

    Caller: “It’s [narcotic], 90 pills, three times a day.”

    Pharmacist: “Okay, thanks.”

    (The pharmacist hangs up and turns to me, frowning.)

    Pharmacist: “Do you know anything about this?”

    Me: “What? No, why?”

    (The pharmacist shows me the called-in prescription.)

    Me: “Oh! Lisa was fired months ago. You had better call the police.”

    (When Lisa comes in to pick up the narcotic prescription for her boyfriend, the police are there to arrest her. The Doctor she used to work for is my father; she was trying to use his license number to get pills from a dozen nearby pharmacies.)

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