November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Criminal/Illegal

Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

| Canada | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”

Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 8

| Sharonville, OH, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money, Transportation

(I work as the manager of a rental car office. It’s a slow day and so when the next customer enters, I take my time describing the extra insurance coverage benefits.)

Customer: “Seriously, do we have to go over all of this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I want to make sure you are fully informed about what refusing the extra coverage means for you.”

Customer: “Fine, but let’s hurry up. I want to hit the road!”

Me: “No problem, sir. We’ve covered everything and you’ve declined all coverage. Please sign your contract and you are all set!”

(The customer signs and walks out the door. Not two minutes later, he walks back in looking sheepish.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you forget something?”

Customer: “No, it’s just… Can I go ahead and get the extra insurance?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but why? You were adamant a minute ago that you didn’t want it.”

Customer: “I guess I changed my mind!”

(I walk out of the office and around to the back parking lot. Sitting on top of a decorative rock set to the entrance of the driveway is the car I just rented him – a brand new luxury car, with three of the four wheels hanging in the air.)

Customer: “I think I hit something. So can I get the insurance?”

Me: “Sir, you can’t get insurance AFTER you’ve damaged the car!”

Customer: “Why not?! I didn’t even leave the parking lot!”

(The guy ended up having to pay for the damage to the car, damage to the landscaping, the tow, and the days the car was unavailable for rent.)

Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 7
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 6
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 5

The Art Of Parenting

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

(I work as a security guard for an art gallery that features paintings by local artists. Today, we are auctioning off some of the older paintings to make way for some newer ones. The paintings that will be auctioned are displayed in one particular room, and I am the guard for this room. When this happens, there are a few customers already here. A well-dressed lady with her young son in tow enter. She leaves her child unattended while looking at the paintings.)

Me: “Ma’am, may I request that you keep an eye on your son? We wouldn’t want him to get in any trouble, would we?

Lady: “Yes, yes, I know.” *returns to paintings, disregarding child*

(I think nothing of it, as the child is only a few meters away from the mother. But, a few minutes later, as I am distracted with another customer asking about the auction, another customer starts shouting.)

Me: “Sir, can you…”

Male Customer: “Mister! That child is drawing on one of the paintings!”

(I immediately turn around in horror, to see the little boy scribbling on one of our prized pieces with a white-out pen.)

Me: “Ma’am! Please get your son under control! He is defacing the painting!”

Lady: “Whatever. Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m trying to appreciate the art?”

(I walk over to the young boy, who can’t be older than five, and gently take his hand. Speaking soothing words, I lead him over to his mother.)

Me: “Ma’am, I would like you to keep your child under control.” *I let go of his hand and he clings onto his mother*

Lady: *gasp* “How DARE you touch my son! He didn’t do anything wrong! I’m going to call for security!”

Me: “Ma’am, I AM security. Your son was scribbling on this painting, and I stopped him.”

Lady: “Well, I never! I am never coming back here! The paintings are s***ty, the security is terrible, and I bet your artists are poor homeless f***s who splat paint on canvas for a penny an hour!”

Me: “…. Ma’am, the painting your son just defaced—”

Lady: *snorts* “Defaced?! These paintings are so bad, he probably made it better!”

Male Customer: “Miss! I have been quiet up until now, but you are being a right b**** to this guard!” *to me* “Show her the painting!”

(I lead her other to the painting. It happens to be a beautiful oil painting of the city, now with a white scribble across it.)

Me: “If you would just look at the plaque, this is a oil painting by [Respected Local Artist] that would have been auctioned at around $7500. Now, you will have to pay for it, since your son defaced it.”

Lady: *obviously recognising the name, turning deathly pale and sputtering in horror* “You should have told me to keep an eye on my child! This is NOT my fault! You hear me?! NOT MY FAULT!!”

(She gave us an answer soon enough. She grabbed her son’s arm and dashed away to the exit. Luckily, the guards outside caught her. She ended up paying $7500 for the painting, and was banned from the gallery. The kicker? She filed a complaint on our website for “not warning her of the danger of children in a gallery.”)

Tree Lives Matter

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

Caller: “Um? I’m calling? Because, there’s like, a tree? In the road? And I can’t get by. And there’s like, no emergency vehicles there?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we have an officer on the way to shoot the tree. Hold tight! Everything is going to be fine.”

Illegally Starting An Umbrella Corporation

| UT, USA | Criminal/Illegal

I work in the lobby of an office building. The maintenance company we use provides tenants with large umbrellas, which I keep by the doors so employees can take one as they leave. One day it was raining really hard, and a grungy-looking man, obviously NOT one of the employees in my building (I know them all personally) goes right for the umbrella stand and grabs three.)

Me: “Excuse me. I’m sorry, those are for tenants only.”

Man: “They said they’re free here.”

Me: “They are free, but only for tenants, and they’re supposed to bring them back.”

Man: “Please, it’s raining so hard. I just need it for a minute. I’ll bring it back.”

Me: “Why do you need to take three?”

Man: “Oh… uh… because you can’t see them from your desk but I have two little kids outside in the rain.”

Me: “…You can’t just share one? They’re really big.”

Man: “Please, it’s raining so hard. I’ll bring them right back.”

(I knew he was lying but my phone was ringing and I needed to get back to work, so I said “Please just take one” and answered the call. I kept an eye on him as I talked to the caller. Meeting my eyes the entire time, the man not only kept the three in his hand, he grabbed TWO MORE and dashed out the door with them before I could finish my call and tell him to stop. Later in the day, employees coming back from lunch told me that the guy was selling the umbrellas on the street corner, and no, he didn’t have any little kids with him. And that is why I keep the umbrella stand behind my desk now.)