Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
    (3,095 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    The Wait Time Was Criminal

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (My husband calls a diner ahead for two Philly sandwiches. When we pull up, we see the waitress and the cook waiting outside while one person is eating at the counter.)

    Cook: “Are you [last name]?”

    Husband: “Yes?”

    Cook: “I’m sorry, but there’s been… an issue with your order.”

    Husband: “What’s going on?”

    Cook: “We’re waiting for the cops. You see, I was in the middle of making your order. That gentleman in there came in, grabbed your food off the grill, and sat down to eat. We think he might be armed. We’ve locked him inside, and we’re waiting for the cops.”

    (My husband is speechless.)

    Cook: “I’ll also have to remake your order if you still want it.”

    Husband: “It’s okay. We’ll wait.”

    (We are there for over an hour. The cops show up rather shortly. They arrest the man, and take all available evidence. The cook and waitress have to clean everything before they can make my husband’s order. We are given half off for our wait!)

    About To Fight On Paper View

    | UK | Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a university student who lives at home, and delivers papers to earn extra cash. I’m delivering them close to a school, which has just finished for the day. A group of boys wander over.)

    Boy: “I want a paper.”

    Me: “These aren’t for you.”

    Boy: “I live there.”

    (He points to the house behind me, which I’ve just delivered to.)

    Me: “Prove it, then. Take out your key, and open the door.”

    Boy: “I don’t have to do that! I’m going out with my mates. I’m not going in yet.”

    Me: “So you want to carry a newspaper around with you?”

    Boy: “I just want a newspaper. I live there!”

    Me: “No, you don’t. I know the people who live there, and they don’t have a son. Besides, I’ve just put a paper in there.”

    Boy: “Just give me a f****** newspaper!”

    (He goes to take one out himself. I sit myself on the paper trolley to prevent him. He tries to pull me off, and I end up pushing him away.)

    Boy: “I can do you for assault for that!”

    Me: “Call the police; it’ll save me the trouble. You tried to steal from me; you’ve probably left a nasty mark on my arm, and all this can be seen as harassment. Let’s be honest; who are the police going to believe? Me, a university student with a job, or you, a kid who can’t even pull his own trousers up?”

    Boy: “F*** you!”

    (His mates are starting to wander over. I realize things could turn nasty, so I take a chance.)

    Me: “Looks like I don’t have to call them; here’s the police now.”

    (I must have good karma, because sure enough, a police car starts driving down the road. The boys scatter. When the car reaches me, it stops and the window lowers.)

    Officer: “Were they bothering you?”

    Me: “Yes, but I sent them running.”

    Officer: “Really? What did you tell them?”

    Me: “That I knew Kung Fu.”

    Spicing Up The Deal(er)

    | MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

    Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

    Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

    Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

    Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

    Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

    Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

    (I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

    More Beer, Less Fear

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I walk over to the convenience store to get a drink. As I’m going inside, I see two police officers with a man in handcuffs in front of the building. I start a conversation with the employees.)

    Me: “Looks like you guys had an interesting morning.”

    Employee #1: “I can’t believe it; he just sat out there waiting for the cops after he stole the beer.”

    Me: “Huh?”

    (One of the officers comes in.)

    Officer: “So, what happened here?”

    Employee #2: “He got the 12-pack from the cooler and stood in line, but then he just walked out without paying. I called for him to stop, but he just said ‘I’ll wait out here for the cops’.”

    Officer: “He didn’t try to run?”

    Employee #2: “No, he just opened the case and started drinking a can of beer right outside the store!”

    P2P Not-Working

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer approaches, and angrily sets down her laptop.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I purchased this laptop two months ago, and you guys installed antivirus on here. Now I have a virus on my computer. I barely use it and rarely even go on the internet, so obviously they’re defective. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to help, ma’am. Would you mind if I run our free in-store diagnostic test, just to make sure that it is a virus?”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’ll be a waste of time; this shouldn’t have happened and—”

    (The customer continues ranting about how inept our technology items are. Meanwhile, I am running our diagnostic, and even superficially I can tell that it has a virus infection. Curious, I also quickly pull open the program list. I notice something interesting.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know what [software name] is?”

    Customer: “Uh, no…”

    Me: “It’s a peer-to-peer sharing program. It’s one of the ways that people can illegally download music, movies, and the like. It’s also a very common way to get viruses, since anyone can upload anything to the P2P network.”

    Customer: “But I would never do anything like that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, does anyone else use your computer?”

    (The customer’s face suddenly drops.)

    Customer: “My daughter…”

    Me: “Does she have her own account with parental controls, or do you let her use your account?”

    Customer: “She uses mine.”

    Me: “Well, most likely she’s been using it to download files, and that’s how you got the virus.”

    Customer: “But the antivirus software you guys installed should’ve stopped this!”

    Me: “Antiviruses aren’t magic walls, ma’am. If you allow viruses to get past the protocols, which this would, viruses can get through. Normally, the software should issue a warning, but most likely your daughter ignored that when she downloaded the files.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, how much is this going to cost me to fix?”

    (I give her the quote, which she dutifully pays. As I hand her the receipt, she mentions one last thing.)

    Customer: “When I get home, that girl is going to be grounded so hard! That money is coming out of her bank account!”

    Page 29/55First...2728293031...Last