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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    How To PIN Them To The Crime

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m a customer at a supermarket, in line behind a 30-40 year old woman, along with two other girls who appear late teens or early twenties. One of their items is a wine cooler. The woman points to the alcohol and starts chatting.)

    Customer: “I’m getting this for my dog; he loves [wine]!”

    Cashier: “Alright, I’ll need to see your companions’ IDs before I can sell this to you.”

    Customer: “She hasn’t got anything to do with me; this is mine!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can’t legally sell it to you until I’m sure they aren’t minors.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know who she is. Just let me buy it!”

    Cashier: “I can’t; I could lose my job.”

    Customer: “Just get your d*** manager!”

    (The cashier calls the manager to the register.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Cashier: “This woman came in with these two, wanting to buy alcohol, and went off when I said I needed their ID.”

    Customer: “D*** right I went off! This b**** better give me my [wine]. I don’t even know those two!”

    Manager: “Well, I’m sorry, but it’s law. I can’t sell it to you.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (She swipes the card, then turns to the younger woman she supposedly doesn’t know.)

    Customer: “Put your PIN in!”

    Younger Woman: “You don’t need it.”

    Customer: “Yes I do; I don’t know it!”

    (The very embarrassed younger woman types in the PIN, and the three leave together.)

    Me: *to the cashier* “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

    Cashier: “All day long.”

    The Need To Be Shirty

    | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (Our manager is just about to clock out, when he notices a young man in his late teens looking around nervously and acting jittery. The young man goes into the fitting room carrying a $5 t-shirt, and then comes out with an obvious bulge in his pocket.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, young man. What do you have in your pocket?”

    Young Man: “I ain’t got nothin’ man. I don’t know what you talkin’ bout.”

    Manager: “Okay, sir. How about you walk back with me to the fitting room, and we see about that t-shirt you just took in there.”

    Young Man: “I ain’t done nothin’ man.”

    (The young man takes off, practically racing our manager to the fitting room in an attempt to remove the shirt from his pocket. He has misjudged our manager and is caught.)

    Manager: “Alright, we are going to take you back to my office and call the police.”

    Young Man: “No man, I’ll pay for it! Just let me pay for it!”

    Manager: “No, sir! I asked you what you had. I gave you a chance to come clean. You lied to me. We are calling the police!”

    Young Man: “Man, just let me pay for it?!”

    (Our manager is infuriated by having the kid lie to him, then having to chase him to the fitting room, and at having to stay an extra hour after his scheduled time to take care of this kid; so he cuffs him. One of my co-workers has a front row seat for the entire exchange. All she can do is laugh, because this stupid boy just got himself into a whole world of trouble over a $5 t-shirt.)

    Related:
    No Need To Be Shirty

    Building A Case Against Her

    | BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the toy department of a fairly large bookstore. For the past few weeks, we’ve been finding empty boxes of large Lego kits tucked away in the shelves. I notice a woman crouched down behind a display in the back corner, a large backpack at her feet, and a Lego box in her hands that she’s trying to open.)

    Me: “Hi there! Are you finding everything all right today?”

    Woman: “Oh, uh, yeah.”

    (The woman shuffles to her feet, and I start ‘tidying up’ a nearby display. She puts the box of Lego down and grabs her backpack. She wanders off to the teen section, and I keep a discreet eye on her as she grabs a book and sits down to read. I find my manager and tell him what happened. He approaches the customer, who is still reading.)

    Manager: “Hey there, I hear you like Lego.”

    Woman: “Uh…?”

    Manager: “My kid really likes Lego too. But he’s really disappointed when he opens the box and the pieces are all missing.”

    Woman: “Um…”

    Manager: “So, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to leave my store and not come back. If you do, I’ll have to call the police.”

    (The woman leaves the store, still flustered. We never saw her again. Mysteriously, the Lego stopped disappearing, too.)

    Not Quite On Top Of Her Game

    | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a slot machine technician. While we do occasionally talk with customers, they’re not our primary concern. In the event of a customer dispute, we’re to call a supervisor and let them handle it from there. I’m flagged down by a flustered customer while walking the floor. She is playing a very popular game. Her English is halting at best.)

    Customer: “This game stole my $20! You gimme $20!”

    Me: “Let me take a look at it, ma’am.”

    (I open the game and check the device that accepts bills; nothing is inside. I next check the machine’s logs, and see that a $20 bill was indeed inserted only a few moments earlier, but that exact $20 was then cashed out 10 seconds later with no games played.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it appears the $20 was cashed out 10 seconds after it was put in.”

    Customer: “No! It stole it! Gimme my $20!”

    (I call for a supervisor. It’s a very busy Friday night, and it takes 15 minutes for one to finally come by. In the meantime, the lady has gotten more agitated.)

    Supervisor: “Hey, what’s up?”

    Me: “This customer says the machine ate her $20, but the machine’s logs say that the $20 was cashed out 10 seconds later.”

    Supervisor: “Thanks, I’ve got this.”

    (My supervisor approaches the customer.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, the machine says you cashed out your $20.”

    Customer: “No! It took my $20! Gimme $20!”

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, I’m not giving you $20.”

    (The look on her face is something like rage, disbelief and heartbreak. She eventually storms off, getting nothing for her troubles. After talking with a few other techs, it turns out she has tried this at a few other games in the casino that night, with the exact same result.)

    He Jumped The Gun

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (A man bursts through the doors in a panic.)

    Man: “Did you need me to call the police?”

    (I am very confused.)

    Me: “What?”

    Man: “That must have been terrifying! How much did he take?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Slow down.”

    Man: “I was walking down the street when I saw a guy walk out of here carrying a gun!”

    (I stare at him for several seconds.)

    Me: “Sir, have you looked around? Did you see our sign on the way in?”

    Man: “No, why?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a gun store. He bought it here.”


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