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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Way Out Of Line

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a high end clothing store that’s having a massive sale. Even with all five checkouts open, the line of customers is still nearly 30 people long. I’m working on restocking some shirts when I see a pair of young girl customers cut to the front of the line directly in front of another customer.)

    Customer: “Ladies, I’m sorry, but there is a line.”

    Girl #1: “Man, why do you care if we cut? It’s just one purchase; you can stand to wait a few more minutes.”

    Customer: “That wouldn’t be fair to the people behind me. Please go to the back of the line.”

    Girl #2: “F*** you! You little punk-a**! If my girl wants to cut in front of you, then you can’t stop her.”

    (Sighing, the customer calls to one of my coworkers.)

    Customer: “Can you please escort these ladies to the back of the line?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ladies, but you do have to move to the back, and I’m going to have to ask you to tone down your language.”

    Girl #1: “Man, f*** this! This b****-a** just don’t want to help me.”

    (Both of them turn back to the customer.)

    Girl #1: “This is all your fault you gay mother-f*****!”

    (At this, both girls swing at the customer, punching him in the face and neck.)

    Customer: *wincing* “Well, that would probably count as battery, and maybe even assault. Are there any more crimes you want to commit before you get kicked out?”

    Girl #2: “Oh, big f****** man, hiding behind some b****-a** cops because you’re scared to fight.”

    (Girl #2 punches the customer in the face again, only to be sent flying about five feet from a single palm thrust to the stomach from the man. The two girls end up calling the police to report the customer for attacking them. Unfortunately for them, our store cameras are quite good, and pick up the entire preceding conversation and their initial assault. The police officer even offers to arrest the girls for attacking the customer. Luckily for them, he decides it is too much trouble dealing with them.)

    Cougar Town

    | Plattsburg, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small town gas station where you can pump your fuel before you pay. A little old lady—who is probably in her 80s—comes in to pay for fuel.)

    Old Lady: “I guess you want my money, right?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’d hate to call the cops on you.”

    Old Lady: “But it would spice up my day!”

    Coworker: “You should let them pursue you!”

    Old Lady: “Are there any cute ones on duty?”

    Me: “Sherman?”

    Coworker: “Eh. But he looks about 12.”

    Old Lady: “But you find them young to raise them how you want!”

    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3

    | Springfield, OH, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (I have worked with a customer for about 10 or so minutes to find a pair of jeans. I hear a beeping from what sounds like a cell phone coming from the customer, but he is ignoring it.)

    Me: “We have some of these on clearance here—if you need to take that, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “Oh naw, that’s just my bracelet.”

    (The customer leans down to his ankle to reveal a huge black bracelet for house arrest.)

    Customer: “The battery is dying.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    (We move to the register.)

    Me: “We have a [drugstore] close by if you need any sort of battery.”

    Customer: “Naw, I gotta go home and charge it. Can I go put these on?”

    Me: “Sure, let me take the tags off for you, and we can process it when you come back.”

    (He returns after this, and we process the exchange. He thanks me, and his bracelet begins to beep again…)

    Related:
    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2
    About To Get Charged With Battery

    Bagged Herself A Steal

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m a college freshman working in a thrift store. The most expensive item in the shop is $10. I am straightening up a rack when I watch a customer go into a dressing room, then emerge from the dressing room wearing a completely different outfit and make for the door. I stop her.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am! You realize you’re going to have to pay for that, right?”

    Customer: “I know that! I’m not an idiot!”

    (The customer turns around and walks over to a bookshelf, as if that’s where she’d been headed all along. I go back to the rack, but watch her out of the corner of my eye. She slowly begins making her way towards the door again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You still need to pay for that.”

    Customer: “I did.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I watched you. You went to the bookshelf and then tried to leave again.”

    Customer: “You were SPYING on me?! I want to talk to your manager!”

    (My manager, having heard the commotion, is already on his way over.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes. This little girl was spying on me and accused me of trying to shoplift my own clothes!”

    (I began to bristle and protest, but my manager shushes me and points to the customer’s pants. Or rather, to the price tag sticking out of the pocket. The woman looks down at it and then bolts for the door. I start after her, but my manager calls me back.)

    Manager: “Ah, let her go. She’s only wearing about $6 worth of merchandise anyway.”

    There Is A Meth To This Madness

    , | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in New Mexico, a state now made famous for ‘Breaking Bad.’ I receive a lot of calls from tourists wanting to see the places where ‘Breaking Bad’ was filmed.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business name]. My name is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Tourist: “Yes, I’d like to find out where Walter White lives.”

    Me: “Uh, who?”

    Tourist: “Gosh are all you people here stupid? Walter White, the guy who sells meth!”

    Me: “Oh, that Walter White. Well, sir, I don’t think you know this but, that’s actually just a TV show. He doesn’t live here.”

    Tourist: “NO, YOU’RE LYING! I HEARD FROM A FRIEND THAT IF I COULD MEET HIM, I COULD GET SOME GOOD METH!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, well I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Have a nice day.”

    (I hang up, but the tourist calls back within 10 seconds.)

    Tourist: “You can’t lie to me; I know you know where he lives! I know you want the good stuff all for yourself.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s a TV show; it’s not real. I’m sorry; I don’t know where you can find any drugs, but if you have a problem I can get you a phone number of a company that can help you out.”

    Tourist: “NO! I JUST WANT WALTER WHITE’S NUMBER OR ADDRESS! I WANT TO MEET AND TALK WITH HIM!”

    Me: “Sir, he’s not real!”

    Tourist: “WELL, WHERE DO YOU WORK?! BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT REAL, THEN YOU’RE NOT REAL! AND IF YOU’RE NOT REAL, THEN I GUESS NOTHING IS REAL IN THIS STATE!”

    (I go ahead and get my manager and ask him what I should do.)

    Tourist: “IS ANYBODY STILL THERE!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SERVICE HERE?!”

    Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; I can help you. Sir, you have proven to me that you deserve to come in contact with Mr. White. Here’s his phone number and address.”

    (My manager gives the tourist the police precinct phone number and address.)

    Manager: “Drive here, and wait outside before giving him a call. Make sure to give him a detailed description of what you want, and what you are driving and wearing.”

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