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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Needs To Press Paws

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashier at a pet store. I see a man walk into the store, pick up a large and expensive coffee table book on show dogs, and get in my line. My manager has warned me, and shown me a picture of this man. He tries to convince cashiers to give him a refund for items he has just stolen. I immediately page my manager, who, unbeknownst to me, is tied up with a minor medical emergency in the back of the store.)

    Thief: “I want to return this item.”

    Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

    Thief: “No.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Without a receipt, I cannot give you a refund.”

    Thief: “Give me a refund.”

    Me: “Sir, I watched you pick that book up when you came in. I know you did not buy it.”

    Thief: “Give me the f****** money, or I’ll kick your a**.”

    (Most of the customers in my line start backing away.)

    Me: “Sir, I cannot give you any money, and if you leave with that item I will call the police. Please leave the store.”

    Thief: “You little a**-hole!”

    (The thief grabs the front of my shirt, and rears his arm back to punch me. I throw my arms up to shield my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of movement. The next thing I see is a spatter of blood on my counter, and the man out cold on the floor with a bloody nose. My manager, with a paramedic from the earlier emergency, walks up.)

    Manager: “What the heck just happened?”

    (As I tell my story, an assistant manager calls the police, opens another line, and checks out the waiting customers. The paramedic starts checking on the man, who has a clearly broken nose. The man slowly regains consciousness, and points to me.)

    Thief: “She assaulted me! I’m going to sue!”

    (I talk to the police.)

    Me: “He grabbed me, but I never hit him. I don’t know how he got hurt!”

    (The man, a known criminal, is handcuffed and put in the police car. The officers and my manager go to review the security cameras. About ten minutes later, I get called to come back to the office.)

    Manager: “You have got to watch this!”

    (The camera footage clearly shows the man getting the book, getting in line, arguing with me, and then grabbing my shirt. At that moment, the customer in line after him, a tiny, middle-aged Asian woman, leaps up, grabs the hair on the back of his head, slams his face into my counter, and then calmly steps back to where she had been standing. She did it so quickly, that we have to run the footage back on slow to see exactly what she had done. After the thief is out cold, she walks over to the new line that the assistant manager opened, buys her bag of cat food with cash, and leaves without a word. Apparently, the other customers either didn’t see what she did, or decided to keep their mouths shut. We have no idea who she is, and we never see her again. The thief was charged with assault on me, and arrested. Wherever you are lady, thanks! You’re my personal super hero!)

    They Make A Mockery Of Muggery

    | France | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work the night shift. Two men in their twenties enter the store. They’re wearing saggy pants, and all the works. They look like they’ve been in a fight, as one has a black eye and a split lip, and the other has a swollen cheek and a nosebleed. Immediately they start harassing me, making lewd innuendos, and generally being obnoxious. Another customer walks in and spots them.)

    Customer: “You again? How many times am I going to have to beat the tar out of you tonight?”

    (Both men turn around, take a good look at the customer, turn pale, and leave without another word.)

    Me: “What the f*** just happened?”

    Customer: “They tried to mug me about two hours ago.”

    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, History, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My photo lab has two self-serve machines for customers to order prints of their photos. They either put in electronic media, such as a CD, or camera memory card, or they can scan a print into the computer.)

    Customer: “What do I do first?”

    Me: “Well, we will scan your pictures, and then tell it what you want.”

    (The customer shows me an album of wedding photos that were taken approximately in the 1950s-60s.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, these are still protected by [United States] federal copyright law. For anything less than 75 years old, we need permission from the person hired to take the pictures.”

    Customer: “But how does the machine know they’re copyrighted?”

    Me: “Uh… it doesn’t. That’s my job. We look at each order before printing, to make sure we have proper documentation so we don’t break the law.”

    Customer: “Then how do you know they’re less than 75 years old?!”

    Me: “They didn’t have cars like that in the 1930s!”

    Related:
    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

    Short-Change Con Falls Short Of Change

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I’m working the register. A customer comes to the register with three ice creams.)

    Me: “So, is this it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “Alright your total is $12.75.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill. I hand him his change.)

    Customer: “Where’s the rest of my change?”

    Me: “I gave you your change already, sir.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I gave you a $100 bill. You’re shorting me $80!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that you paid with a $20 bill.”

    Customer: “No you can’t, because I paid with a $100 bill! How can they let an incompetent dip-s*** like you handle money? This is a disgrace.”

    Me: “Sir, the only disgrace here is you. For starters, company policy states that we can not accept bills larger than $50. If you did give me a $100 bill, I would refuse it and ask for a smaller bill. On top of all that, the $20 you gave me is still on the counter right next to the register.”

    (The customer goes silent, and quietly exits the store. He has not been seen at our store since.)

    The Long Line Of The Law

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

    (I’m a police officer in full uniform. I stop in a local store and notice a loud customer ahead of me in the line.)

    Cashier: “Sir, you haven’t paid for that. If you leave the store, it’s stealing.”

    Customer: “Bull-s***! You did something with my card; you took my money! I’m leaving with this stuff.”

    Cashier: “No, the order was cancelled for insufficient funds. You left to get another card; the whole order needs to be rescanned.”

    (I realize that the loud customer hasn’t seen me yet. I excuse myself from the line, and move behind the irate customer as he starts mouthing off to the cashier.)

    Me: “Sir, you need to calm down and let the lady do her job. She’s trying to help you as fast as she can.”

    Customer: “Man, f*** you. Who the f*** do you think you—”

    (He turns around to look at me, and immediately goes all sheepish.)

    Customer: “Sorry, officer.”

    Me: “Yeah, I thought so.”

    (The customer calms down, and is out of the store in five minutes. It’s a shame that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.)


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