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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Tearing A Rent In The Truth

    | Charlotte, NC, USACharlotte, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (Rent is due on the 1st of each month, and late after the 5th. After the 5th, a late fee applies. Today is the 6th.)

    Tenant: “Here’s my rent. I was going to drop my money order in the drop slot last night but I got tied up late at work and was too tired to drive over. I’m sorry. Can you waive the late fee?”

    Me: “Well, let me see. Hmm, the date the money order was printed on was today, the 6th. So you just lied to my face.”

    Tenant: *completely unashamed* “Ha ha. Well… yeah. You know.”

    Me: “No, I don’t know.” *hands back rent* “Please come back when you have the additional late fee.”

    Tenant: “That’s just wrong! It’s only a day!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s the lying that’s wrong here.”

    Tenant: *slams door and leaves in indignant huff* “I’m going to call your boss and have you fired. Oooh, and you’re racist!”

    Learning The Hard Way

    | AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

    Driver: “Why not?”

    Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

    Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

    Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

    (She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

    Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

    Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

    Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

    Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

    (She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)

    Selective Stealing

    | Portugal | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m attending to a client that has her bag and other stuff on the counter, and has to fill out some forms.)

    Me: “Do you mind if I attend to another client while you fill out the forms?”

    Client #1: “Sure!”

    (I call another client, and she has to fill out some forms as well, so I return to Client #1.)

    Me: “All done. That will be €5.50.”

    Client #1: “Where’s my money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Client #1: “I had my money right here in the counter, and it’s gone!”

    (We both look for the money, trying to figure out if it has fallen to the floor. Suddenly I look at Client #2, and realize what has happened.)

    Me: *to Client #2* “Ma’am, did you take the money that was on the counter?”

    Client #2: *after a long pause* “Yes, I did.”

    Client #1: “Why on earth would you do that?!”

    Client #2: “Well, I didn’t know it was yours; I thought it was hers!” *points to me*

    Me: “So that would make it okay?!”

    Client #2: *happily* “Exactly!”

    Putting The ‘R’ Into Refund

    | Largo, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the box office with my manager. A large group of teenage girls dressed like they are going to a club get their turn to purchase tickets.)

    Manager: “Make sure you ID them, and let them know if they sneak in, they won’t get a refund.”

    (I acknowledge the manager’s comment, and turn to the teenage girls.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [theater]; how may I help you?”

    Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [R-rated movie]?”

    Me: “Do you guys have ID?”

    Girl #1: “No.”

    Me: “Then I am afraid I can’t sell you the tickets. It’s company policy that you have proper ID to see R-rated movies.”

    (The girls walk away angry. They come back a few minutes later after waiting in line again.)

    Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [G-rated movie]?”

    Me: “Sure, your total will be $32. If you try to sneak into the movie you wanted before this one, you will not get a refund. Here are your tickets, enjoy!”

    Girl #2: “Why does everyone think we are trying to sneak into a d*** R-rated movie?!”

    Girl #3: “I don’t know, but it’s getting really ANNOYING!”

    (Not even ten minutes later, the girls come storming out of the theater and toss their tickets up on the counter.)

    Girl #3: “We need refunds for this movie.”

    Me: “Why do you need a refund for this movie?”

    Girl #3: “Because, it already started.”

    Me: “Actually, this movie doesn’t start for another ten minutes.”

    Girl #3: “Well, I, uh…”

    Me: “So why do you need a refund?”

    Girl #3: “Because the cop wouldn’t let us in the movie!”

    Me: “You mean the cop that is standing by the auditoriums that have the R-rated movies, that are on the complete opposite side of the theater that has the movie you bought tickets for?”

    (All four girls give dumbfounded looks.)

    Me: “I am sorry; I can’t give you a refund.”

    (The girls start making a scene. My manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Listen, my employee did her job. She told you she wasn’t going to give you a refund if you tried to sneak into a movie, and you did exactly what she told you not to do. Now, you have two options: you can leave the theater and take your attitudes elsewhere, or I can call the cops and have them remove you from the premises. Which will it be?”

    (The girls turn and storm off.)

    Named And Shamed

    , | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Funny Names, Top

    (My debit card has just gone missing. I think I left it at the gas station after I got gas earlier, and now I’m at work. My name is a European variation of a common American name, and though spelled similarly, is quite different. For example, Kristen versus Kirsten. As such, when people read my name, they often use the American version. One of my coworkers calls me over using my nickname.)

    Coworker: “Hey, can you come here a moment?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

    Coworker: “This guy’s trying to use his girlfriend’s card.”

    (The customer slides a credit card over that looks familiar.)

    Me: “Uhm, can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “It’s my girlfriend’s card; she’s out in the car. I can go get her.”

    Me: “What’s her name?”

    Customer: “Kristen [Last-Name].”

    Me: “Spell her first name.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Please?”

    Customer: *sighs* “K R I S T E N.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s going to have to come in and authorize the purchase. I’ll keep the card in the back office until you get back.”

    Customer: “Give me the card, you b****!”

    Me: “I can’t do that when I know this card is stolen.”

    Customer: “It’s not stolen, c***! That’s my girlfriend’s card!”

    Me: “No. This is my card. As you can see, my name tag is spelled correctly, and you spelled it wrong. Also, if you were my boyfriend, I’d break up with you just for not knowing what my name was.”

    (I was very relieved to get my card back! Unfortunately, the customer had run up $300 worth of purchases, but luckily the restaurant I work at has a security camera, and we got his face on camera. I am later able to prove I didn’t make those purchases, so don’t have to pay for them!)

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