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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Will Have To Bite The Bullet

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working customer service at a big box store. A customer comes up with a box of bullets. Store policy and law states that ammunition cannot be returned for any reason. This is clearly printed on the bottom of the receipt, surrounded by a double box of asterisks.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to bring back these bullets; they’re the wrong caliber.”

    (The customer hands me the receipt.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but all ammunition is non-refundable. It says right here—”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want my money back; I just want to get the right ones.”

    Me: “I understand, but we can’t take ammo back under any circumstances. It’s store policy and the law.”

    Customer: “No, no, no! The guy who sold them to me said if they were the wrong size I could come back and exchange it!”

    Me: “No, he didn’t. There are three signs in sporting goods that clearly say you cannot return ammo. On the ammo case, behind the counter, and taped to the counter itself. It’s also clearly marked here on the bottom of your receipt. There is no way any associate in this store would tell you such a thing because it is against the law.”

    (The customer leans over on the counter, in my face.)

    Customer: “Are you calling me a LIAR?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am.”

    (Clearly not expecting that answer, the customer stumbles his words a bit.)

    Customer: “So… so what? I’m out by $30 and stuck with bullets I can’t use?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, you are.”

    Customer: “F***!”

    (He snatches the receipt from my hand, and his bag of ammo, and storms off.)

    The Joke Is On (And In) Him

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

    Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

    (Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

    Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

    Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

    Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

    Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

    Kid: “Man…”

    (The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

    Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

    (As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)

    The Real Government Would Take Your Money

    | AL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a federal airport operations center, answering the phones.)

    Me: “This is the TSA Coordination Center for [Airport]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “This is the federal government calling to tell you that you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant.”

    Me: “The federal government?”

    Caller: “Yes, you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant!”

    Me: “This is the TSA coordination center; a government operated center. Who is this? What’s a good call-back number?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    (The phone line for the next number in sequence starts ringing. Guess who it was?)

    Common Sense Bounces Off His Head

    | Rotherham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (There have been a number of armed robberies in the surrounding area of betting shops, convenience stores and post offices. We are all pretty on edge when a customer comes in the store wearing a motorbike helmet.)

    Me: “Excuse me, could you remove your helmet please?”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Could you remove your helmet, please? You’re not supposed to come in the shop with it on.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous; why should I have to take it off?”

    Me: “I’m not serving you while you have it on. Please remove it.”

    Customer: “If a [racial slur] came in here with their face covered, you wouldn’t ask them to remove it.”

    Me: “Seeing as that isn’t even relevant in this matter, I’ll ignore what you just said. However I will not serve you while you are wearing that helmet. There have been countless armed robberies in the area, so do you really think I feel safe with you walking in like that? Just be glad I haven’t already pressed the panic button.”

    Customer: *shuts up and removes helmet*

    Tearing A Rent In The Truth

    | Charlotte, NC, USACharlotte, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (Rent is due on the 1st of each month, and late after the 5th. After the 5th, a late fee applies. Today is the 6th.)

    Tenant: “Here’s my rent. I was going to drop my money order in the drop slot last night but I got tied up late at work and was too tired to drive over. I’m sorry. Can you waive the late fee?”

    Me: “Well, let me see. Hmm, the date the money order was printed on was today, the 6th. So you just lied to my face.”

    Tenant: *completely unashamed* “Ha ha. Well… yeah. You know.”

    Me: “No, I don’t know.” *hands back rent* “Please come back when you have the additional late fee.”

    Tenant: “That’s just wrong! It’s only a day!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s the lying that’s wrong here.”

    Tenant: *slams door and leaves in indignant huff* “I’m going to call your boss and have you fired. Oooh, and you’re racist!”

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