November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Criminal/Illegal

Drive Straight Thru His Lie

| Metairie, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays. Like, it has been every single week since the 1940s when it opened. One Sunday afternoon our restaurant owner is in the parking lot doing some work on our flower beds and someone drives up to the drive-thru speaker:)

Customer: “Hello? HELLOOOOOOO! ANSWER ME! Son of a b****! This is OUTRAGEOUS!”

(The restaurant owner calmly walks over to the customer in the car, and says:)

Owner: “Hello, sir, is everything all right?”

Customer: “NO! I JUST came through the drive-thru and paid over $30 for my meals, and I got ALL THE WAY HOME and realized that they left out my number one meal! I DEMAND that you give me my meal for free AND refund my whole order because my family is waiting on me at home and ALL OF OUR FOOD IS GOING TO BE COLD! I will not pay for this!”

(The store owner, who loves to catch people in a lie, just kept asking more questions.)

Owner: “So you’re telling me you were JUST here?”

Customer: “Yes! And I got all the way home and YOU left my meal out of the bag!”

Owner: “I see. Do you have your receipt? Or your bag with your food? I’d be happy to replace all of your meals for you if you have the receipt.”

Customer: “NO! I left them at home with my other food! Can you get them to hurry up? I need to get back home because my family is waiting on me!”

Owner: “So you’re sure you were JUST here? At THIS restaurant?”

Customer: “YES! God, what is wrong with you people?! I was here like 15 minutes ago, in THIS drive-thru!”

Owner: “Well, sir, I just wanted to let you know I know for a fact that you weren’t here 15 minutes ago getting food.”

Customer: “…what?”

Owner: “See, I’m the owner of this restaurant, and we’ve been closed every single Sunday since we opened. There is no one inside right now, and there hasn’t been anyone inside all day. So there’s no way you got your food here 15 minutes ago, I have your vehicle on our parking lot surveillance, and I want to kindly ask you never to come back to my establishment again!”

(The guy then sped out of the parking lot!)

The Customer Is Damaged

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

(I notice that a customer has been hovering in the back corner of my store for a while, so I go see if she needs any help.)

Me: “Hi there! Can I help you at all today?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I… Uh… Found this handbag. It’s… damaged and I want a… discount on it. It’s torn in this corner here… One moment…”

(As she is saying this, I see her trying to forcibly tear a corner of the handbag, which otherwise has no damage. It is already heavily reduced to 80% off, as it’s on clearance, and does not cost much at all. She is forcibly trying to tear it right in front of me with as much force as she can muster.)

Me: *snatches the bag from her* “Well, ma’am, if you forcibly tug on it, it will break, and there won’t be a further discount, and you will have to buy it. People who deliberately break stock are also not welcome back, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Oh… Oh, well, then… Never mind.”

(She slowly and sadly walked out of the store, as if to see if I would change my mind and let her break it and give her a discount. I didn’t. I, thankfully, never saw her again.)

The Fall Of The Call

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Thanks for calling [National Pizza Chain]. What can I get you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want a large pepperoni pizza, no pepperoni, and six orders of fries.”

Me: *click*

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Thanks for calling [National Pizza Chain]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want a dozen cheeseburgers, hold the cheese, and four fries.”

Me: *click*

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Thanks for calling [National Pizza Chain]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have gum?”

Me: “No, but I do have caller id, and will be giving your number to the police if you call here again.”

Caller: *click*

Not Feeling Neutral About Your Parking

| NB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(It is the day before Good Friday, and the store is packed full of people. Obviously, so is the parking lot. A cart pusher has just brought in a handful of carts, and a greeter is tagging bags. One customer, already looking angry, heads straight to the elder greeter and tries to hand her his car keys.)

Customer: “Go park my car.”

Greeter: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t offer a valet service here.”

Customer: “There’s no f****** parking spaces. Go park my f****** car!”

Greeter: “Sir, I just got back from work after having a heart attack. What makes you think I’m going to be able to drive your car, let alone find you a parking space, when you haven’t?”

Cart Pusher: “Where is your car right now? Parking in the fire lane makes working and shopping here dangerous. I can have you towed.”

(Customer went beet red and left, hopefully back to his car!)

Going To Get Charged With Nine Months

| CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(I work in this small grocery store and we don’t get many customers until one day…)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, could you help me with my stuff.”

(The lady has a large stomach.)

Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

(I help her, but she slips a bit and I see a watermelon sticking out a bit from her shirt.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to remove the watermelon from your shirt.”


Me: “I can see it slipping from your shirt…”

(At this point the customer started running away, but fell over herself. The watermelon splattered everywhere and she kept screaming MY BABY! MY POOR BABY! but realized it was useless and she was caught. That really made my day.)

See this story as a comic!