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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Went

    | NH, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (A woman approaches the register, and sets down four half-eaten chocolate bars from our candy aisle.)

    Customer: “I sampled these chocolates, and didn’t like the consistency, so I don’t want them anymore.”

    (The customer starts to walk away.)

    Coworker: “Okay, well I’m sorry about that, but you’re still going to have to pay for these.”

    Customer: “But I didn’t like them!”

    Coworker: “Right, but you can’t just take things without paying. What made you think that would be okay?”

    Customer: “THEY WERE JUST SITTING IN MY CART; WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!”

    At Least He Was Knife About It

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m volunteering at the concessions area of a local hockey arena. A customer walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, sir!”

    Customer: “Hey! Could I get the key to room three?”

    (At our rink, the accessing of the rink locker rooms requires a special set of keys. Policy dictates that in exchange for the keys, there needs to be a small deposit. Usually, people give us their house keys or car keys, and we give them the room key. This is an effort to prevent theft and carelessness.)

    Me: “No problem! However, there is a small deposit required for the key; something like your car keys or house keys is needed to prevent theft. We’ll give it back once we get the locker room keys back.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Let’s see here, um…”

    (The customer begins rummaging around his coat pockets. Suddenly, he reaches inside his jacket, and pulls out a massive hunting knife and places it on the counter.)

    Customer: “Will this be okay?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Great, thanks!”

    (The customer takes the locker room keys and walks away. Behind him this entire time, a second customer is waiting in line.)

    Customer #2: “Whoa.”

    Customer Gets Carded Anyway

    | Manchester, England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working the drive-thru, and the card machine has just gone down. There are a number of cars already waiting in line, so I go outside to put signs up and tell them about the problem.)

    Me: “Hello, madam, I am very sorry, but we are having problems with our card machine. If you need to pay by card, you will need to go inside the restaurant.”

    Customer: “Well why the f*** didn’t you tell me before?”

    Me: “I am very sorry but this problem has only just occurred.”

    Customer: “You stupid b****, I asked why didn’t you tell me before I queued up!”

    Me: “I walked out here as soon as we had the problem, and again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.”

    (The customer starts screaming at me, so I walk behind her car to go and tell the next customer.)

    Customer: “Don’t walk away from me b****. I was talking to you! Are you stupid?”

    (The customer then reverses her car into me hard, knocking me to the floor.)

    Customer: “You damaged my car you little s***! I am phoning the police!”

    (Someone comes out to help me, and calls an ambulance. Both the ambulance and police arrive, and surprise, surprise, it isn’t me that is arrested!)

    They Should Have Stolen Some Intelligence

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (Three shoplifters run out of the store with a bunch of liquor. Our Loss Prevention agent has been watching them, and manages to catch the one holding most of the liquor, but the other two get away. Later in the night, the police come. One officer goes upstairs with the shoplifter, while the other takes quick statements from us. Suddenly, the two other shoplifters who had run off earlier came back inside.)

    Shoplifter: “Hey, is our friend still here?”

    (I quickly look at the cop right behind me.)

    Me: “Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs.”

    Shoplifter: “Sweet, can one of you guys go upstairs to get him or something? He has our pot.”

    (The cop and I share an incredulous look, while the two shoplifters just stand there.)

    Cop: “I think you’re gonna need to come with me.”

    (The officer took the shoplifters upstairs, where they were all arrested for possession.)

    Blank And Blind Judgement

    | QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (It’s Saturday, our busiest day of the week. A customer comes up to me with her two children to ask for something.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for an… ‘SDS card’ for my DS?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a blank SD card?”

    Customer: “For storing things on?”

    Me: “Yep, that’s the one.”

    (I find all the SD cards we have in stock and put them out on the counter for her.)

    Me: “So we have 16GB on sale for [price], and 8GB on sale for [price]. It’s probably better to go for the 16GB as it’s only $10 more and holds twice as much—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the one. I was looking for the blank game cards that you can put games on illegally.”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid we don’t sell those, because they’re illegal.”

    Customer: “But my friend said she bought one at a shop in [town where we are]!”

    Me: “Unfortunately a retail outlet wouldn’t be able to sell someone that product because unlike blank CDs or tapes, they don’t have a legal use, so she must have got it from the markets or a garage sale.”

    Customer: “She’s not that type of person!”

    Me: “I’m not judging anyone, I’m just saying it’s illegal. If I sold you one, we would get into trouble, and you could be charged with copyright infringement and piracy.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERSON!”

    Me: “…sorry?”

    Customer: “YOU’RE JUDGING ME!”

    (She runs out of the store with her two embarrassed kids in tow.)


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