July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Criminal/Illegal

Gunning For That Sale

| USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Politics

(I have been working with this customer for a little over an hour and a half. He picks out his rifle, ammo, cleaning kit, scope – the whole nine yards. I am excited because we get commission on what we sell. We finally get to the point where we fill out paperwork, background check, etc.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Now that we have everything ready, if you can, please let me see your ID so we can get the paperwork started?”

Customer: “No, I don’t need to do paperwork.”

Me: *thinking he’s joking, I laugh*

(Awkward silence.)

Customer: “So… are you gonna ring me up?”

Me: “You need to fill out the paperwork so I can perform a background check first.”

Customer: “Look, I’m a police officer. I don’t need to do the paperwork.”

Me: “Uh, yes, you do. Everyone needs to do paperwork for a firearm purchase, even the president.”

Customer: “I don’t give a s*** about the president. Now, are you going to sell me the rifle or not?”

Me: “Are you going to fill out the paperwork?”

Customer: “Nope. *turns and leaves*

Me: *screams internally*

(He came back the next day trying to buy the same rifle but with another employee. I told him the story from the day before. He told the customer to leave. Never saw him again.)

An Attention Deficit Disorder

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

(A patron grabs a pair of our headphones, puts them in her purse, and starts walking away.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t take our headphones away from the computer area.”

Patron: “Oh. I didn’t think you were paying attention, so I just took them. Is that okay?”

Me: “…no. No, it isn’t.”

Praying The Layaway Away

| Taylor, MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a layaway service that has the option to cancel your layaway anytime you want.)

Customer: “Hi, I just need to do a couple things today. I want to make a regular payment on one and pay the other one off.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to see your ID. Do you want to do the payment first?”

Customer: “I want to cancel one and take both out.”

Me: *thinking I misheard* “Oh, sorry. I thought you wanted to make a payment and pay one off.”

Customer: “No. I’m not making a payment, but I’m taking both out.”

Me: “…I’m sorry? So you don’t want to cancel?”

Customer: “No, I do want to cancel one! I want them both right now though!”

Me: “So, you want me to take the one layaway out so you can buy it up front?”

Customer: “No, what? I want my things, but I want my refund, too.”

Me: “… Ma’am, if I’m hearing you right, I can’t give you your items if you don’t pay for it. You need to pay it off first.”

Customer: “No one would have to know though, right? Just put it through as a refund and give me my stuff and my money. You’re going to be taking it out anyway. It’s easy.”

Me: “… I can’t do that. That would be stealing.”

Customer: “But I picked out the stuff myself! Whatever. I’ll come back later when someone actually WANTS to help me. You get confused too easy!”

(She then walked off. Turned out she did try to come back and ask for a ‘refund,’ but was quickly taken care of by security when she began to throw a fit over ‘poor service!’)

A Smashing Deal

| CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks in and asks to trade her ‘Ultimate Captain America’ collectible for the limited Edition, $700 Hulk collectible.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to Toy Trades. Is there anything you need help with?”

Customer: “I brought a collectible Captain America. I want to trade it for the Hulk.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go grab the Hulk. ”

(I go grab the Hulk and pass my co-worker, who says that she must have an expensive collectible.)

Me: “Here it is.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! Here is my Captain America. Um, lemme take that…”

Me: “Wait! By policy I need to look at your collectible.”

Customer: “You don’t have to look at it… Consider it like a gift.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to look at your collectible first.”

(She grabs the Hulk and tries to run but another customer grabs her.)

Customer: “I JUST WANTED A D*** PRESENT FOR MY MOTHERF****** SON! TAKE THE CAPTAIN AMERICA, YOU IDIOT!”

(She throws a toy Captain America that has a Fast Food Restaurant label on it. Being the empathetic person I am, I grab a Hulk eraser and hand it to her.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

His Assumption Is Not On The Money

| West Allis, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

(I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

(The caller explains his financial situation.)

Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

Me: “It would be [attorney’s fee] plus costs.”

Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

Me: “Yes, it really is.”

(Long pause.)

Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

Me: “… No.”

Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

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