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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Pray For Her Math Students

    | Asheville, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (As the manager of a large bookstore, part of my job is to call customers who have written bad checks to arrange payment. I call one such customer. I identify myself and verify that I am speaking to the check-writer.)

    Me: “I’m calling in regard to a check you wrote for $534 on [date]. It has been returned for insufficient funds, so we’ll need you to come by—”

    Customer: “Oh my God! I can’t believe you’re calling me about this! I gave you the books back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? You gave them back? Did you speak to anyone?”

    Customer: “Of course! I gave them to the cashier and filled out paperwork!”

    (On a hunch, I search the returns for her name. She did return the books, and got a cash refund.)

    Me: “Okay, I see you brought them back on [date] and got a cash refund. Is that right?”

    Customer: “Yes! And you should be fired for calling me at home for no reason!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you still have to pay for the bounced check.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t have the books! I am not paying for books I don’t have!”

    Me: “You wrote a bad check for merchandise, then returned the merchandise for cash. But the check is still worthless and has to be paid.”

    Customer: “What kind of idiot are you? Listen carefully: I. Do. Not. Have. Your. Books. I gave them back and that’s the end of it.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it doesn’t matter whether you have the books or not. Now, instead of books, you have our money and we still have a worthless check. You really need to take care of this, or it will be a police matter. I’m sure you don’t want me to go to the magistrate.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a thief?! If you turn me into the police, I’ll have YOU arrested for false reports! I’ll have your job for this! I am a school teacher! I teach math!”

    Me: “Ma’am. I need you to follow along here. You wrote a bad check for merchandise, and then returned that merchandise for cash. That is fraud, and it is in an amount that can get you in serious trouble.”

    (The customer screams about how I am trying to rob her of money, then hangs up. I phone back a few days later to give her another chance. Still furious, she sticks to her guns. I try my best but she just won’t listen or try to understand. After sending her several certified demand letters, I have no choice but to file a criminal complaint. Being over $400 it is a felony fraud charge. Not long afterward I get a final phone call from her.)

    Customer: “ARE YOU THE B**** WHO SENT THE POLICE TO MY SCHOOL?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I had to turn your NSF check over for prosecution because you refused to pay. I gave you many chances to avoid that.”

    Customer: “I MIGHT LOSE MY JOB! I have never been so humiliated! I’m going to sue you and your company for this! You are going to jail for what you’re doing to me!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’ve tried everything to make you understand, so do what you think you need to do.”

    (Ultimately, she was found guilty and told to pay the check and fee, plus court costs. Even when the magistrate explained it to her, she refused to believe that she owed the money.)

    Sold A Game, Bought A Life-Lesson

    | Helsinki, Finland | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (I work in a store that sells and buys used games, consoles and computers. We require that everyone who sells us something shows an ID. A young customer comes to the store to sell PS3 games.)

    Me: “Hey there. What have you got for us?”

    Customer: “Some games.”

    (He puts the games on the counter. I check them and we agree on the price.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll need your ID please.”

    Customer: “What! No! Why?”

    Me: “It’s store policy, and it really helps with cutting down the amount of people trying to sell us stolen items. I know it’s a bit of drag when selling just games, but we buy a lot of expensive electronics as well. There’s no way around it I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “No one is required to carry around an ID in Finland! That is the law! We are free here.”

    Me: “Sure, but I’m not required to buy these games from you either.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have to have my ID with me. It’s the f***** law. Check it, you ignorant dumb-a**!”

    Me: “What that law means is that you can’t get arrested for being without an ID, but there is still a whole bunch of stuff that you can’t do. You can’t get a loan from the bank, make a phone contract etc… I’m done arguing about this. Show me an ID, or I won’t buy these games. It’s as simple as that.”

    Customer: “Fine! Whatever!”

    (The customer throws his ID on the counter, fuming. We get the transaction done, and he goes to the shopping area to look at the games on sale. After awhile the alarm at the door goes off. I look up and see the same customer bolting from the store. A coworker starts to run after him. I stop him.)

    Me: “Don’t bother. That guy just sold us some games.”

    (My coworker laughs so hard he has to go to the office. I look up the customer’s info and call the number services to get his phone number. I call him and he answers.)

    Customer: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Hey, this is [me] from [store].”

    (There is a long silence.)

    Me: “Yeah, if you could just bring back the games you stole, that would be great.”

    Customer: “I, uh…”

    Me: “Otherwise we will be forced to contact the police. Come now and we can settle this.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “Okay. Don’t call the police, please.”

    Me: “Be here in five minutes.”

    (After about two minutes he comes running through the door. I take him to the office, and he gives me back the stolen game. I look at him closely and can see that he is really scared.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry! I’m not a thief. I just got pissed because of the whole ID argument, and wasn’t thinking straight. My dad is a lawyer, and I guess I thought I knew about this stuff. I was stupid and wrong. Please don’t call the police; I’m not a criminal.”

    (I believe him, and actually feel kind of sorry for him. He is only 18 after all, and everyone makes mistakes.)

    Me: “Okay, I believe you have learned a lesson. We forgive you, and the matter is settled.”

    (He thanks me profusely and leaves. The next day he shows up to the store with some candy and pastries for the whole staff. Over the next months he has become a regular of the store. He is always very polite and nice and has even been seen arranging the games after other customers have messed up the shelves. He is a far cry from the arrogant brat that came to the store the first time. Everyone deserves a break.)

    Past The Night’s Watch

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (To prevent anyone from sneaking into the park, the area is surrounded by an 8-10 foot high wall. I’m working at the season-pass entrance, when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Uh… a few teenagers just jumped the wall.”

    (I stare blankly at her, as in my entire time I’ve worked at the park I’ve never heard of anyone getting over that wall.)

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The wall. I saw three people climb over the wall: two guys and a girl in their early twenties.”

    Me: “Uh, thank you for telling me. I’ll scan your pass and inform security once you’re through.”

    Customer: “Hey, what’s behind that wall anyways?”

    (I think for a moment, before I remember that the Employee Area has a small gate that leads into a small grassy area behind the wall. If anyone jumped the wall, they would have no possible way to go but through that gate, essentially right into a congregation of 10-20 employees on their break and security’s lap.)

    Me: “Oh my god! It’s the employee patio!”

    (Sure enough, two security guards escort two guys and a girl in their twenties out of my entrance. The guys look giddy, like the whole thing is a joke, while the girl is holding her hand to her forehead, attempting to hide her face. One of the guys grins at me.)

    Guy One: “I’m sorry we tried.”

    Guy Two: “I’m not!”

    Girl: “Shut up both of you!”

    Fraud-ian Slip

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work in a call center as a fraud specialist. It is not uncommon to get calls from people trying to contest escort or porn charges as fraud when they’re really not.)

    Caller: “I have a charge on here for over five grand. I didn’t charge that; it’s fraud.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; I can help with that.”

    (I pull up the charge, and see another charge for a tow truck and parking ticket in the same state the other charges was made.)

    Me: “I see here that the charge is for an escort service, the physical card was present, as well. You have not been traveling, is that correct?”

    Caller: “That’s right, and I have my credit card too.”

    Me: “Sir, thank you for the information. Please hold while I get more information on this merchant.”

    (While the caller is holding, I call the merchant directly. I already know he’s lying, but I have to prove it without calling him a liar. The merchant was not at all surprised, and was delighted to provide me with a copy of his driver’s license, imprint of the card with signature on the sales draft. Not only that, but they even give me the name and room number of the hotel he stayed in when he used their escort service.)

    Me: “Sir, thank you for holding. I found out more about the charge. But I want to go over your last valid charges. Did you recently get a ticket or paid for towing service?”

    Caller: “Yeah, that charge is okay.”

    Me: “Sir, that charge shows the card was swiped, which means you were in that state, right?”

    Caller: “Uh… yeah…”

    Me: “And did you stay at [hotel], room 2058?”

    Caller: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Sir, I contacted the merchant and they verified all of your information, and even offered to send a copy of your driver’s license, and signature. It’s because of that we can’t accept this charge as fraud.”

    Caller: “So what am I supposed to do?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you still have options. You may still be able to dispute the charge as a billing dispute in the event that you didn’t receive any products or services, or the services were not as agreed upon, or you can contact the merchant directly. Were you not satisfied with the services you received?”

    Caller: *click*

    Way Out Of Line

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a high end clothing store that’s having a massive sale. Even with all five checkouts open, the line of customers is still nearly 30 people long. I’m working on restocking some shirts when I see a pair of young girl customers cut to the front of the line directly in front of another customer.)

    Customer: “Ladies, I’m sorry, but there is a line.”

    Girl #1: “Man, why do you care if we cut? It’s just one purchase; you can stand to wait a few more minutes.”

    Customer: “That wouldn’t be fair to the people behind me. Please go to the back of the line.”

    Girl #2: “F*** you! You little punk-a**! If my girl wants to cut in front of you, then you can’t stop her.”

    (Sighing, the customer calls to one of my coworkers.)

    Customer: “Can you please escort these ladies to the back of the line?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ladies, but you do have to move to the back, and I’m going to have to ask you to tone down your language.”

    Girl #1: “Man, f*** this! This b****-a** just don’t want to help me.”

    (Both of them turn back to the customer.)

    Girl #1: “This is all your fault you gay mother-f*****!”

    (At this, both girls swing at the customer, punching him in the face and neck.)

    Customer: *wincing* “Well, that would probably count as battery, and maybe even assault. Are there any more crimes you want to commit before you get kicked out?”

    Girl #2: “Oh, big f****** man, hiding behind some b****-a** cops because you’re scared to fight.”

    (Girl #2 punches the customer in the face again, only to be sent flying about five feet from a single palm thrust to the stomach from the man. The two girls end up calling the police to report the customer for attacking them. Unfortunately for them, our store cameras are quite good, and pick up the entire preceding conversation and their initial assault. The police officer even offers to arrest the girls for attacking the customer. Luckily for them, he decides it is too much trouble dealing with them.)


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