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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    They Should Have Stolen Some Intelligence

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (Three shoplifters run out of the store with a bunch of liquor. Our Loss Prevention agent has been watching them, and manages to catch the one holding most of the liquor, but the other two get away. Later in the night, the police come. One officer goes upstairs with the shoplifter, while the other takes quick statements from us. Suddenly, the two other shoplifters who had run off earlier came back inside.)

    Shoplifter: “Hey, is our friend still here?”

    (I quickly look at the cop right behind me.)

    Me: “Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs.”

    Shoplifter: “Sweet, can one of you guys go upstairs to get him or something? He has our pot.”

    (The cop and I share an incredulous look, while the two shoplifters just stand there.)

    Cop: “I think you’re gonna need to come with me.”

    (The officer took the shoplifters upstairs, where they were all arrested for possession.)

    Blank And Blind Judgement

    | QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (It’s Saturday, our busiest day of the week. A customer comes up to me with her two children to ask for something.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for an… ‘SDS card’ for my DS?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a blank SD card?”

    Customer: “For storing things on?”

    Me: “Yep, that’s the one.”

    (I find all the SD cards we have in stock and put them out on the counter for her.)

    Me: “So we have 16GB on sale for [price], and 8GB on sale for [price]. It’s probably better to go for the 16GB as it’s only $10 more and holds twice as much—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the one. I was looking for the blank game cards that you can put games on illegally.”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid we don’t sell those, because they’re illegal.”

    Customer: “But my friend said she bought one at a shop in [town where we are]!”

    Me: “Unfortunately a retail outlet wouldn’t be able to sell someone that product because unlike blank CDs or tapes, they don’t have a legal use, so she must have got it from the markets or a garage sale.”

    Customer: “She’s not that type of person!”

    Me: “I’m not judging anyone, I’m just saying it’s illegal. If I sold you one, we would get into trouble, and you could be charged with copyright infringement and piracy.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERSON!”

    Me: “…sorry?”

    Customer: “YOU’RE JUDGING ME!”

    (She runs out of the store with her two embarrassed kids in tow.)

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    Related:
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    Blocks Out The Glaring Customers

    | FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My coworker has just had laser corrective surgery on his eyes. Unfortunately, he’s experiencing a much greater than usual amount of swelling in the area. His optometrist has prescribed him eye drops and told him to keep sunglasses on at all times, until the swelling goes down, as bright light causes irritation.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    (My coworker and I notice an older customer glaring at him angrily.)

    Coworker: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “How DARE you!”

    Coworker: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You take those off right this instant! I won’t stand for this disrespect!”

    Coworker: “You mean these?” *points to his sunglasses* “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just that I had laser surgery on my eyes, and the eye doctor told me I have to keep these on because bright light makes the swelling worse.”

    Customer: “LIAR!”

    (The customer lunges over the counter and grabs the glasses right off of his face. She puts several bloody scratches on his forehead with her long fingernails.)

    Coworker: “Oh, God!”

    (My coworker clutches his face, doubles over, and staggers head-first into a wall.)

    Me: “Good God, lady! Why the h*** did you do that?!”

    Customer: “You young ruffians are worthless! Not showing me the respect I deserve because you want to look ‘cool’!”

    (She drops the sunglasses on the ground and stomps on them, shattering them. The noise and commotion have attracted our manager.)

    Manager: “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!”

    Customer: “That young punk was disrespecting me with his gang stuff! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

    (The manager looks at the shattered sunglasses on the ground, and my coworker, who is doubled up, moaning and bleeding.)

    Manager: “Did you assault my employee?”

    Customer: “I can do whatever I want to scum like him! I’m the customer, so he has to do what I say! And he needed to be taught a lesson about respect, with those stupid things on his face!”

    Manager: “He was wearing those because his optometrist told him not to look at any bright light!”

    Customer: “You expect me to believe that? Give me a break! Now I DEMAND to be served RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”

    Manager: “I’m calling the police.”

    Customer: “Good! He SHOULD be in prison! He should rot there!”

    (The customer actually stands there looking smug and triumphant as the manager calls the police right in front of her, while I lead my coworker to the front office to get the first aid kit. About ten minutes later, the cops show up. My manager and the general manager of the store explain to them what happened, with the customer agreeing the entire time, still convinced the cops will be on her side. It completely blows her mind when the cops start to drag her away instead, as she goes kicking and screaming that my coworker should be the one getting arrested, not her.)

    Someone Should Show Her The (Car) Door

    | Sandusky, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (An old car has just driven up outside the store. Out of it comes a customer who looks like a party girl, with makeup and chewing gum. She enters the store.)

    Customer: “I want some pretzels.”

    Me: “Right, that’s $3 a bag.”

    (The customer dumps the money on the counter and snatches the bag from my hand. I think nothing of it, but a few seconds later I hear her screaming. I go outside to see the customer screaming at a nerdy-looking girl that looks about 10.)

    Customer: “You f******, ungrateful little b****!”

    Girl: “Look, I’m s-sorry!”

    Customer: “You f****** better be, you little cow! You f****** well damaged my car! There are cameras up there. You are in so much trouble!”

    Me: “What’s happened?”

    Customer: “This ugly b**** thinks she can open a car door without thinking that she can actually damage my $50,000 car!”

    (I raise an eyebrow, as the car is clearly worth nowhere near that amount. The girl’s father comes up.)

    Father: “What’s going on, [Girl's name]?”

    Customer: “I’ll tell ya what happened! Your w**** of a daughter opened the door on my car, and there’s a f****** dent in it!”

    (The father and I look over. The car door has landed in a dent, but given the standards of the car, I assume it was there already.)

    Me: “Look, why don’t you come inside. I can call the police and they look at the tapes?”

    Girl: *to man* “Daddy, I’m scared.”

    Customer: “You f****** well should be, you little b****! I hope you think about this every time you get in your precious daddy’s car! You’re lucky your daddy can actually pay for this! You think you’re so rich; you can do what you want!”

    (I try to help the situation by asking the customer to take a step inside and talk to the manager. But then she looks at the father.)

    Customer: “You gonna pay for it?”

    Man: “I am.” *looks at girl* “[Girl's name], try and think before you open a door.”

    Girl: “It was there already.”

    Customer: “You know what, little cow? I really hope that when your daddy is in hospital from the heart attack he’s gonna get when he sees the bill, he dies from it!”

    (The girl wails even louder, holding onto her father’s leg, as he begins to look pale. He puts an arm round the girl’s back, and some other customers outside the shop and inside are now looking. The customer can’t stand me trying to get her inside, and digs her nails in my cheek.)

    Customer: “Don’t keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady; I can handle myself!”

    (The girl’s crying is now really loud, so the customer goes over and pulls the girl from her father. The girl is reaching toward her father, and he begins trying to fight the customer to get her off. I call security in my radio. The customer is hitting the girl and knocking her glasses off.)

    Customer: “You think you’re so important don’t ya? Well you’re just a f****** loser! You ain’t gonna rely on mommy and daddy forever, kid. One day you gonna have to leave. Yeah, and you’ll die on the streets because you waste all Daddy’s money on attacking everything!”

    (The security guards manage to get her off, and eventually the police arrive.)

    Policeman: “Calm down miss; we can handle this.”

    Customer: “You f****** better do, because I got a party to go to.”

    Policeman: “The way you’re acting, miss, the only place you’re going is the station.”

    Customer: *laughing* “Come on! Take more than a rich kid to get against me!”

    Me: “What about those cameras that you were arguing about?”

    (The customer is silent. The police take her away. The man and girl give statements, the man comforting his daughter throughout, and then police look at the car and exchange insurance. Soon after, the girl and her father come in to the garage and buy some fizzy drinks.)

    Father: “I remember you from that night.”

    Me: “Did you have to pay insurance?”

    Father: “No. It wasn’t just because she was attacking my daughter. It was because security showed the dent had been there earlier. And what made my daughter cry more actually, was the fact I HAVE had a heart attack. She was only nine and didn’t understand. She has a mental disability, so can’t understand many things and has to go to a special school. She already was having therapy because she’s scared of the outside world, and this was our first time going to a restaurant in ages.”

    Me: “Oh, my God; I am so sorry!”

    Father: “It’s okay. I really think she can get over it.”

    (It’s been around two years since and they come into the store often. She is a lovely, happy young woman, and has gotten over what happened to her. I’m just happy for her that she has coped so well.)


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