Category: Criminal/Illegal

A History Of Petty Crime

| Montreal, QC, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, History

(I am working at the register at the time. Our clients often come after they have visited the Museum’s permanent exposition, taking a bite to eat.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Did you enjoy your visit of the exposition?”

Customer: “Incredible! This is my first time here and I just can’t believe how magnificent those antique items are!”

Me: “Yes, I have gone back to the rooms many times myself. They truly are worth seeing.”

Customer: “I really liked the [Important Historical Figure] room. My ancestors served under him, you know?”

Me: “Glad you liked the visit, sir! Your lunch will come at [price].”

Customer: “Sure, give me a minute…”

(After he pays, as he puts money back into his wallet, I notice a familiar object from his belongings.)

Me: “Sir… is this [personal object from Important Historical Figure]?”

Customer: “Oh, yes! I wanted to show it to my mother! Her legs tire so much she had to stay here.”

Me: “You’re aware that’s completely illegal and may get you arrested? You need to go give it back right now.”

Customer: “Don’t worry. It’s part of my heritage! I’ll give it back after dinner!”

(I pressed the emergency button and watched him argue that it was ‘’No big deal’ and his ‘heritage’ with about five security guards. It took the cops to convince him.)

Gives New Meaning To ‘Can I Take Your Order’

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am in line at a deli. You place your order at the front counter, they make it, call out your name, and you pick it up at the back counter. It’s lunch time, so the line’s out the door.)

Employee: “Susan!”

(A male customer in a business suit walks up to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the order?”

Employee: “Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese.”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Employee: “Jerry!”

Customer: “What’s that order?”

Employee: “Do you not remember what name your order was under?”

Customer: “Nah, I just don’t feel like waiting in line, so I figured I’d just wait until a ham and cheese came up, and grab it.”

In Hot Water Now

| Canada | Criminal/Illegal

(I work at a swimming pool. One of our regular customers is standing at the payphone and glancing at me every so often. He picks up the receiver, but doesn’t put money in. He then moves his mouth like he’s talking, still checking on me. I’m suspicious he’ll try to sneak in, so I step out of his view. Sure enough, I hear his footsteps.)

Me: *coming back into view* “Hi, sir! Here to use the hot tub?”

(The customer grumbles and throws his admission fee at the counter.)

Me: “You enjoy it!”

(I smile at him brightly despite his dirty look.)

Going To Go Over Like A Lead Balloon

| Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I am at a sale in a store when I hear this exchange:)

Customer #1: *to Customer #2’s young son* “Aww, look, you’ve got a balloon!”

Customer #2: “Yeah, I stole it from a display.”

Courting Disaster

| Coeur d' Alene, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(It’s my first day working at my new career. I just graduated college and my boss asked me to call a client and remind them their sentencing is tomorrow. It’s the Thursday prior to Memorial Day weekend. This is my first client call:)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Law Office]. I’m calling to remind you that your sentencing is tomorrow at 1:00 pm. [Lawyer] asks that you meet him in front of the courthouse at 12:45 pm or so.”

Client: “Oh! Well, I don’t think I can make it.”

Me: “What?”

Client: “Yeah, um, I don’t think I can make it. I just gassed up my motorhome and I’m leaving for Memorial Day tomorrow morning.”

(At this point, I was completely floored and not sure what to do. It’s court… not a choice. Do I explain that she’s going to have a warrant if she doesn’t show? I told her I will talk to my boss and get back to her. He ended up calling her. She did show up for court.)

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