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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Bringing You Up To Speed About Your State

    | ID, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

    (I am stopped while driving cross-country, going about 95.)

    Highway Patrol: “Do you know how fast you were going, Ma’am?”

    Me: “About 95. I thought there was no speed limit in Montana.”

    Highway Patrol: “Yes, there is, Ma’am. And you’re in Idaho.”

    (I got the ticket.)

    A Dashing Hero

    | ME, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I worked at a Chinese restaurant where many people would dine and dash on the owner, who they knew couldn’t catch them due to having bad arthritis in both hands. This happens one day when I have just come into work.)

    Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*

    Me: “Just three, miss?”

    Old Lady: “Yes.”

    Me: *takes them to a table* “Anything to drink while you decide what you would like?”

    Old Lady: “Pepsi.”

    Granddaughter: “Sprite.” *giggling*

    Me: “We have Sierra Mist. Is that all right?”

    Granddaughter: “Yes!” *laughs*

    Me: “…and you, miss?”

    Granddaughter’s Best Friend: “I’ll have the same.” *smiling in an odd way*

    Me: *nods and gets their drinks*

    (They take another 10 minutes whispering before they ordered. They take a half hour ordering food which costs over $100.00. By now I’m suspicious.)

    Me: *comes out of the other dining area in time to see them leaving without paying* “HEY!”

    Granddaughter: *laughing and running*

    Me: *grabs her by the upper arm* “Oh, H***, no! You will NOT dine and dash on MY shift, LADY!”

    Old Lady: *comes in and hits me with her bag* “LET HER GO, YOU B****.”

    Granddaughter: “OWWW! YOU’RE HURTING MEEE!”

    Me: “I’m only squeezing enough to hold you! Now, lady! If you don’t stop hitting me, I will call the police!”

    (An officer just happens to come in and I know him.)

    Officer: “[My Name], are you having trouble?”

    Me: “Can I do it just once?”

    Old Lady & Granddaughter: *both pale and stop what they were doing*

    Officer: *laughs* “Yes.”

    Me: *I grab both women and yank them outside where I swing the granddaughter out, and release the old lady* “Your choice.”

    (The old lady gave me the money for the bill, and a tip! The officer was laughing and my boss gave me a gift certificate for a free meal for my entire family!)

    (Shop)lifted To A Less Aggressive State

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (It is back when major video rental chains are still in business. We have a regular known shoplifter hit us and neighboring stores recently, and he walks in to my store. It is a Saturday night, and we are slammed, so before I can go and watch him, he is already trying to go out our entrance door, which lacks sensors.)

    Me: “Sir, you need to go out the exit. That’s an entrance-only.”

    Shoplifter: “I just have to run to my car and get my wallet…”

    Me: “Okay, but you need—”

    (And with that, he is gone out the door. Luckily, I’m not the only manager on tonight.)

    Me: *to coworker* “I’m gonna take a smoke break real fast.”

    (I proceed to walk out to the parking lot, which is huge because it is in a shopping center. I see the man and start following him.)

    Me: “Man, it is a nice night tonight, don’t you think?”

    (He doesn’t respond, but I continue to try and chat while following him. Suddenly he starts jogging, and I follow. He then starts throwing carts in my way as I run behind him. After another few minutes, he stops, turns around, and pulls back his fist! I am not a muscular or tall guy, and I can only react instinctively, which is to shrug my shoulders, look at him, and say:)

    Me: “Really?”

    Shoplifter: *taken aback* “Well, what do we do now?”

    Me: “Well, if you drop all the stuff you have on you, I’ll be too busy picking it up to even see where you go…”

    (By this point, his getaway car was honking and yelling obscenities. After about thirty seconds, he opened up his jacket and dropped around $400 worth of pre-rented games. True to my word, I took my time getting them as he took off. Later, I get scolded by my manager for going after them and potentially getting hurt, but she laughed about how my reaction was enough to shock the shoplifter out of his aggressive state. Needless to say, he never came back after that.)

    X-Bong

    | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (A customer comes in carrying the box for an original Xbox.)

    Customer: “My Xbox isn’t working.”

    Coworker: “That’s no good. Pop it on the counter and we’ll have a look.”

    (The customer places the box on the counter. I’m standing nearby when my coworker opens the box. From the box emerges the most putrid smell you could ever imagine. My coworker has to jump back from the smell, holding his nose. Having known some ‘interesting’ people in my life though, I recognise the smell. I lean a bit closer to the box and sniff a few times.)

    Me: “Mate… did you spill your bong water on this?”

    Customer: *incredibly long awkward silence* “Yeah.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “…not replacing it then?”

    Me: “Not a chance.”

    (The customer left and I got to try to explain to my coworker why I knew the smell of bong water so well.)

    Will Have To Park This Service

    | Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (The store where I work has a ridiculously tiny and awkwardly shaped car park, so on the weekend it can be difficult to find a parking spot. On one extremely hot Saturday I am working at the service desk when a customer comes through the door and pushes past all the other customers in line.)

    Customer: “I need to return this cushion.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll be happy to serve you, but you’ll need to join the queue.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I can’t wait in that line! I didn’t park my car and my baby is still inside!”

    Me: “So, you’re telling me that you’re blocking everyone else in the car park and you locked your baby inside your car, on a forty degree day?”

    Customer: “Yes, exactly! You need to serve me first!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I won’t serve you until you have parked your car correctly and brought your baby inside with you.”

    Customer: “You can’t refuse me service! I demand to talk to your supervisor!”

    Me: “That’s fine; I’ll be happy to call her for you after you park your car and bring in your baby.”

    (She swore under her breath and left in a huff. I didn’t see her again that day.)

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