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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Too Early To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

    , | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I have just gotten off my job, working retail at a clothing store. I stop by a popular, well-known fast food restaurant for dinner. The drive-thru is backed up, and there are several police officers mulling around. Despite this, I’m still hungry, so I go inside and order my food.)

    Me: “So, what’s going on here anyway?”

    Cashier: “This customer won’t move her car away from the pay window in the drive-thru.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Cashier: “We’re having a promotion where you can get a free coffee during breakfast hours. But it’s 11 pm. She shows up and wants her free coffee, and we tell her it’s only for the mornings, and she refuses to move. So we called the cops. I guess they’ll tow her.”

    Me: “Wow, all that fuss over a free coffee? That’s pretty sad. I understand crazy customers, I work at [Clothing Shop].”

    Cashier: “Honey, until you’ve worked at [Fast Food Place], you ain’t seen s***!”

    Board Of Mistrustees

    | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I am interning at a business and working reception. A customer calls, wanting the information of a man who used to work there.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Business]. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need the contact information for [Name]. It’s very important.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t give out the information of people who no longer work here.”

    Customer: “But I just need his information. It’s very important.”

    Me: “We are no longer affiliated with [Name] and cannot give out his information. You could try looking online.”

    (This back and forth goes on for some time with me trying to explain that we can’t just give out people’s personal info.)

    Customer: “Why aren’t you answering my question!? I’m reporting you to the board of trustees! What is your name?”

    Me: “My Name is [My Name] and you can do that if you wish.”

    (She then hangs up. As far as I know we don’t have a board of trustees and I’m a six week intern from out of the country so I’m not sure what she was hoping to accomplish…)

    Driven Over The Edge

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (My mother and I are entering a parking lot with the intent to go shopping when a large blue truck turns down the wrong lane and cuts us off. Trying to be courteous, my mom hurries to park in the nearest lot to allow him through. He sits there instead.)

    Driver: “F****** b**** driver.”

    Mom: “Excuse me?”

    Driver: “Yeah, I’m talking to you. You f****** b****es need to learn how to drive. You were going way too f****** fast down that lane and you almost hit me!”

    Mom: “I most certainly did not! You cut me off.”

    Driver: “The f*** I did, you b****! You cut ME off! I ought to slam the s*** out of your car, you f***.”

    Me: *getting angry* “Hey, inbred, I dare you.”

    Driver: *noticing me* “F*** you, you ugly w****!

    (He jerks his wheel toward us like he’s about to ram us and I stand my ground.)

    Me: “What was that about running our car over?”

    Driver: “Yeah, you keep talking, w****. I’m about to get out and f*** you up!”

    Me: “Try it.”

    (He hasn’t noticed this whole time that he’s in a parking lot full of witnesses and that one of these witnesses has gone in to get the police officer who acts as lot security. He’s outside listening, silently moving up along the truck waiting for the guy to do something.)

    Driver: “B****! Keep talking, you fat f*** skank b****. Need to f****** learn the right of way.”

    Me: “Buddy, from what I see, you’re just running your lip and making a moron out of yourself. Instead of turning into a larger humiliation, maybe you should drive on and shut up.”

    Driver: “F*** YOU!”

    (The driver again jerks his wheel and almost slams into the car parked near us.)

    Driver: “I’m going to f*** your face up, you c***!”

    (He climbs out of his truck and BAM! He’s instantly against the side of his truck with his arms behind his back, because the officer grabs hold of him once he’s stepped down.)

    Cop: “That’s assault, attempted assault, we’ll slap in attempted vehicular manslaughter if you open your mouth again, and on top of that driving while intoxicated. Thank you, ladies. Have a nice day!”

    Sharing His Alcohol Problem

    | AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s about 1 pm when a clearly drunk and staggering man approaches me in the store. I am also a customer.)

    Customer: “Hiya, pretty lady. Wanna go for a drink with me?”

    Me: “Um… no, thank you. I’m very busy today and am happily married!”

    Customer: “Well… too bad for you!”

    (Moments later at the registers, I am in line with couple of customers behind me. The drunken customer stumbles up to them.)

    Customer: “Do ya mind if I butt in line ‘ere?”

    Other Customer: “Sorry, man. We were here first and the wait really isn’t that long.”

    Customer: *pointing at me* “I just wanna stand next to her!”

    (At this point I am having my things rung through at the till and exchange a worried glance with the cashier.)

    Cashier: *to the drunken customer* “You wait your place in line, sir! Just like everybody else!” *quietly, to me, handing me my purchases* “You go on and get out of here. I’m sending someone out to get his plate number ‘cause he drove here and is clearly pretty intoxicated. Have a nice day. We’ll handle the creep!”

    (I leave pretty quick and the drunk customer tries to follow me out, but is stopped by the manager. I didn’t hear what happened, but I am sure thankful the staff was keeping an eye out that afternoon!)

    Won’t Get To Hear The High Notes

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (I work event security for part time work. Usually it’s pretty mellow, and I just tell people they can’t bring in outside food and beverages. This event is a huge dub-step concert, and it is widely known that most people will try to sneak ‘stuff’ (like drugs) in by the strangest ways. There are a few giveaways when we think someone is trying to sneak stuff in. I notice a tall, skinny guy in his early 20s walking a bit off and see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing today?”

    Guest: “Uh, I’m fine…”

    (The guest pauses and starts walking away with a worried look on his face.)

    Me: “Hold on one second. I noticed you were walking a bit off. Are you doing all right?”

    Guest: “Oh, yeah, haha. I’m okay, I guess. It’s just hot, and uh, yeah.” *continues to try to walk away*

    Me: “Just out of curiosity, you wouldn’t happen to be trying to hide any contraband to bring inside the venue, would you?”

    Guest: “Pft! F*** no. F*** that s***. F*** you for assuming that. Is it because I’m white?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m white, too… Since you don’t have anything on you, you wouldn’t mind if one of our K-9 units sniffed you, right?”

    Guest: *still looking worried* “I don’t have to f****** do that! F*** you, lady!”

    Me: “And I don’t have to let you in. Here’s what I’m going to do. Whatever it is you have on you, give it up now, all of it, and I’ll let you go into the venue with no consequences. If you do not give it up right now, I can have you arrested for possession. This is your only free pass. Take it or leave it. Which will it be?”

    (I see him contemplating this, which is just another give-away.)

    Guest: “I don’t have nothin’ on me, b****, so take that.”

    (At this point I have him step off to the side while an officer with a K-9 unit comes over.)

    Me: “Last chance for a free pass, man. All you have to do is surrender whatever it is you are hiding, and I’ll let you go in and have fun. You paid a lot of money to come here. Is it worth not going in just to hold onto some stuff?”

    Guest: “F*** you, b****. I don’t have nothin’ on me. I just want to go inside and have fun.”

    Me: *sigh*

    (Almost as soon as the K-9 gets near us, he makes his motions and sounds indicating he is picking something up.)

    Officer: “Sir, what do you have on you?”

    Guest: “F*** off, a**hole. I just want to go inside.”

    Officer: “I know you have something. Do you want me to find it the easy way or the hard way?”

    Me: *puts on latex gloves, dramatically snapping the wrist as if I’m ready for a cavity search*

    Guest: “Oh, you mean like drugs? Yeah, I forgot I lent these shorts to a friend, and he, uh, must have left some stuff in the pockets without me remembering. I don’t do that s***.”

    (The officer and I look at each other, rolling our eyes and trying not to laugh.)

    Officer: “Sir, can you empty your pockets, please?”

    (The guest reaches into the back of his shorts, pulls a small baggie from his rectum containing packaged heroin, Molly, Ecstasy, and cocaine, throws it at me, and tries to walk away. The officer and I stop him.)

    Guest: “WHAT THE F***, YOU B****! YOU SAID I COULD F****** GO IN IF I GAVE YOU THE F****** DRUGS!”

    Me: “Yes, and you denied that you had anything. I let you know that if you didn’t give it up, you would be arrested for possession.”

    Guest: “I JUST GAVE IT UP, B****!”

    Me: “After your free pass expired…”

    (He continued to curse at me while the officer and I walked him over to the security tent to get booked. We let him know he would not be arrested, but that he was no longer allowed to enter the venue, that his ticket would be confiscated, that he would be walked off the property, and that if he was found back on the property he WOULD be arrested for trespassing. I walked him off the property as he continually mumbled that I was a ‘f****** b****.’ Since I’m a female, the officer trailed behind to make sure I didn’t have any more problems. I started to walk back in when the guest runs up behind me, and punches me square across the face. Only seconds later, the dog was on him. All I got was a bruise on my cheek and a laugh about his stupidity. He got arrested for trespassing, assaulting me, and for the smorgasbord of drugs that were currently in his system.)

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