Category: Criminal/Illegal

(Shop)lifted To A Less Aggressive State

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

(It is back when major video rental chains are still in business. We have a regular known shoplifter hit us and neighboring stores recently, and he walks in to my store. It is a Saturday night, and we are slammed, so before I can go and watch him, he is already trying to go out our entrance door, which lacks sensors.)

Me: “Sir, you need to go out the exit. That’s an entrance-only.”

Shoplifter: “I just have to run to my car and get my wallet…”

Me: “Okay, but you need—”

(And with that, he is gone out the door. Luckily, I’m not the only manager on tonight.)

Me: *to coworker* “I’m gonna take a smoke break real fast.”

(I proceed to walk out to the parking lot, which is huge because it is in a shopping center. I see the man and start following him.)

Me: “Man, it is a nice night tonight, don’t you think?”

(He doesn’t respond, but I continue to try and chat while following him. Suddenly he starts jogging, and I follow. He then starts throwing carts in my way as I run behind him. After another few minutes, he stops, turns around, and pulls back his fist! I am not a muscular or tall guy, and I can only react instinctively, which is to shrug my shoulders, look at him, and say:)

Me: “Really?”

Shoplifter: *taken aback* “Well, what do we do now?”

Me: “Well, if you drop all the stuff you have on you, I’ll be too busy picking it up to even see where you go…”

(By this point, his getaway car was honking and yelling obscenities. After about thirty seconds, he opened up his jacket and dropped around $400 worth of pre-rented games. True to my word, I took my time getting them as he took off. Later, I get scolded by my manager for going after them and potentially getting hurt, but she laughed about how my reaction was enough to shock the shoplifter out of his aggressive state. Needless to say, he never came back after that.)

X-Bong

| Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(A customer comes in carrying the box for an original Xbox.)

Customer: “My Xbox isn’t working.”

Coworker: “That’s no good. Pop it on the counter and we’ll have a look.”

(The customer places the box on the counter. I’m standing nearby when my coworker opens the box. From the box emerges the most putrid smell you could ever imagine. My coworker has to jump back from the smell, holding his nose. Having known some ‘interesting’ people in my life though, I recognise the smell. I lean a bit closer to the box and sniff a few times.)

Me: “Mate… did you spill your bong water on this?”

Customer: *incredibly long awkward silence* “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…not replacing it then?”

Me: “Not a chance.”

(The customer left and I got to try to explain to my coworker why I knew the smell of bong water so well.)

Will Have To Park This Service

| Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

(The store where I work has a ridiculously tiny and awkwardly shaped car park, so on the weekend it can be difficult to find a parking spot. On one extremely hot Saturday I am working at the service desk when a customer comes through the door and pushes past all the other customers in line.)

Customer: “I need to return this cushion.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll be happy to serve you, but you’ll need to join the queue.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I can’t wait in that line! I didn’t park my car and my baby is still inside!”

Me: “So, you’re telling me that you’re blocking everyone else in the car park and you locked your baby inside your car, on a forty degree day?”

Customer: “Yes, exactly! You need to serve me first!”

Me: “Ma’am, I won’t serve you until you have parked your car correctly and brought your baby inside with you.”

Customer: “You can’t refuse me service! I demand to talk to your supervisor!”

Me: “That’s fine; I’ll be happy to call her for you after you park your car and bring in your baby.”

(She swore under her breath and left in a huff. I didn’t see her again that day.)

Damaging Your Chances

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Money

(A husband and wife are browsing the store, with the wife wanting to buy things and the husband saying everything is too expensive. Finally she selects a figurine from our clearance rack.)

Husband: “Wait, this is only [price]? The one over there was [bigger price]. What’s the difference?”

Me: “This one is damaged, sir. It fell on the floor and the head broke off – you can see where I’ve glued it back on. It’s a clean break, but we can’t in good conscience sell it at the full price.”

Husband: “So if I get the other one and break it, you’ll sell it to me for the cheaper price?”

Me: “No, sir. I will call security because you’re intentionally damaging our merchandise.”

(They did buy the clearance figure, but hurried out without their receipt. To my knowledge, they’ve never come back.)

Driving Out The Lies

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m a manager; however, we’re short staffed so I’m helping with deliveries. After taking a delivery I get this call. I’m a girl.)

Customer: “I have a complaint about the service I received tonight. The delivery guy cussed me out and I had to chase him down the street to get my food. He also refused to give me my change. It was cold and over an hour late. I want my money back, my pizza remade, and a gift card.”

Me: “Oh, wow! I am so sorry. I’ll be glad to help, but first can I have your address and a description of the driver?”

(She gives her address, and says the driver was a tall guy. She ‘couldn’t see too well in the dark’ for a better description.)

Me: “Okay… Well, I’d be happy to help, but first would you like to change your story? I don’t quite believe it.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?!

Me: “First of all, a guy answered the door. I was your driver tonight and I certainly don’t recall any of this occurring. Can you explain once more why you need a gift card?”

Customer: “…oh, s**t.” *hangs up*

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