July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Criminal/Illegal

A Legal Standing

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(Just the pharmacist and I are working the late shift, around 2:00 am. at a popular 24-hour pharmacy. An elderly woman, who has a reputation for getting prescriptions early, hands me a script for painkillers.)

Elderly Customer: “Hi, I need this filled.”

Me: *for narcotics, our store requires we ask vague questions to help weed out fraudulence* “All righty, is this from today?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes, but I want it dated for three days ago.”

Me: “Forgive me?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes. You all cheated me out of my pills, so I had to wait three days for my refill. So you will date it three days early so that i can get it early from now on.”

(The pharmacist, a 65-year-old man who’s so close to retirement he’s not afraid of being fired, hears the conversation and comes over.)

Pharmacist: “Hello, I’m the pharmacist. Can I help you with something?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes. Your technician refuses to fill my prescription. I want you to fill it and date it for three days ago.”

Pharmacist: “No. It is against the law to do so. I will fill and date it for today.” *turns to leave*

Elderly Customer: “Hey, a**-hole! I’m not done with you!”

(At this point, the pharmacist turns slowly around. I am searching for cover.)

Elderly Customer: “You’re gonna fill my d*** pills for how I want! I’m the customer!”

Pharmacist: “What you are asking is so illegal, it isn’t even physically possible to do with our software.”

Elderly Customer: “It’s not illegal where I’m standing.”

(The elderly customer gives a big grin like she has won. The pharmacist proceeds to walk around the counter, out of the pharmacy, and stands next to the customer.)

Pharmacist: “Ehhh. Nope! It’s illegal over here, too. Good luck getting that filled, though.”

(He handed her the prescription, and she stormed away screaming curses.)

Their Welfare Status Is Okie Dokie

| New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

(I am a dental assistant at a dental surgery and move between answering phones and assisting the dentist. We have irate patients regularly, who get treatment done and then claim they weren’t told how much it was and refuse to pay, or try to get refunds on treatment already received, or try to get money refunded that was paid for by the government. This particular patient was the latter case. I have come up with a useful way to deal with these stressful phone calls.)

Me: “Good morning, [Dental Clinic]!”

Patient: “It’s [Patient]. You guys told me I’d be getting my money refunded for my dental care! I want my money back and you haven’t put it in my f****** account!”

Me: “Just give me a minute sir, while I bring up your file and have a look… Oh, I see. Yes, the money for your dental care was being refunded, but since your care was paid for by [Welfare], the money will be refunded to them.”

Patient: *suddenly polite* “Oh, no, no. [Welfare] told me that you can give it to me and then I’ll give it to them. No problem!”

Me: “I highly doubt [Welfare] would have told you that, sir. We deal with [Welfare] directly, and will refund the money straight back into their account.”

Patient: “THAT’S MY F******* MONEY! You mother-f***** con-artists better give me that money! I DESERVE THAT MONEY!”

Me: “No need to swear, sir. There is really nothing more to discuss.”

Patient: “YOU GIVE ME THAT GOD-D*** MONEY!! IF I DON’T SEE THAT MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT BY TOMORROW, I WILL COME AND SEE YOU!”

Me: “Okie dokie. That won’t be happening, sir.”

Patient: “I’M SERIOUS!  I’LL COME DOWN THERE! YOU BETTER TELL YOUR BOSS TO WATCH HIS BACK!”

Me: “Okie dokie, sir.”

Patient: “I KNOW WHERE HE PARKS! I DESERVE THAT MONEY! YOU GUYS ARE RIPOFFS, F****** C****!”

Me: “Okie dokie, sir.”

Patient: “F*** YOUR ‘OKIE DOKIE!’ GO TO H***!”

Me: “Okie dokie, sir. I’m hanging up now. Have a nice day.”

Patient: “F*** YOU. IF YOU HANG UP I’M RINGING BACK UNTIL I SEE THAT MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT!”

Me: “Okie dokie, sir. Goodbye.”

Patient: “I SAID F*** YOUR OKIE DO—” *click*

Moms Of Gall Street

| New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(I am a cinema attendant at a movie theatre. A woman and her clearly young teenaged kids approach me and hand over tickets for Wolf of Wall Street.)

Me: *looking at the two young kids* “Um, boys, do you have any ID?”

Woman: “Why do they need ID?”

Me: “Because it is an R18 restricted film, and they look far under age. Legally we have to ask.”

Woman: “I’m their mother, so it doesn’t matter. I give them permission to see this.”

Me: “Well, no, I can’t actually allow them to enter, ma’am. It’s law that unless they are over 18, with valid ID, they can’t actually go into the movie, parental consent or not.”

Woman: “Oh, my God, are you kidding me? I’m their mother, and I say they are over 18!”

Me: *not convinced* “I still need valid ID.”

Woman: “They are over 18. Don’t you believe their d*** mother?”

Me: *facing the kids again, as the woman is getting agitated* “Boys, what are your birthdates?”

(Both boys struggle for a while to remember when they are born, one answering at being 16 years old and the other at 23, most obviously NOT being 23.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t let you into the movie, boys. You’re not 18, and it’s a pretty hard restriction.”

Woman: “I paid for these tickets, so you will let us into the movie theatre! They let us buy them downstairs without this bull-s***!”

Me: “These are pink Kiosk tickets from the machine. The machine clearly states the restriction, with a warning that you will be checked for ID upstairs. You can return downstairs to swap them for another movie.”

Woman: “I don’t want to f***ing swap to another movie! We want to watch this one!”

(At this point I’m about to use my walkie to contact my manager and let them know to come up to sort out the customer, when the another customer interjects.)

Customer: “Lady, I don’t know how this girl talked to you without throwing you out on your a**. What kind of a mother are you, letting your young boys in to watch a movie about sex, drugs, hookers and h*** knows what else?! Take your tickets, go watch something else, or just plain p*** off!”

(The woman was stunned for a while, before taking off to get her tickets changed. I called to the desk to let them know she was coming and what had happened. She tried to get a full refund and free tickets for the ‘terrible service and inconvenience.’ She was refused.)

Your Card Is A Smoking Gun

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(I am a cashier at a local convenience store. Normally, I am very sweet and friendly, but today I am having a bad day. Not only did I have a full truck of inventory to check in and put away, but I also have three sections of the store to reset. A man comes in in the midst of the chaos and grabs a few bags of chips, some sandwiches, and several sodas. He goes to the register clearly marked as closed, moves all of my paperwork over, and continues to talk on his cell phone. I smile anyway, taking all of his items and moving them to the open register.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: *silence*

(I ring up all of his food and place it neatly in bags.)

Me: “That’ll be $12.36.”

(The customer reaches into his pocket and pulls out a food stamp card. It looks as if it has been melted. Half is missing.)

Customer: “It won’t read, so you have to punch in the numbers. The first ones are-”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot legally accept damaged cards.”

Customer: “They do it all the time at the other store.”

(When I refuse again, he becomes visibly upset.)

Customer: “Fine, just give me some smokes.”

(It is store policy to ask anyone who looks under 40 for their state ID when buying tobacco or alcohol. It must be not be damaged or expired.)

Customer: *hands me the id*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your ID expired in 2011. Do you have another?”

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I’LL JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!” *storming towards the door* “I’m thirty-f******-two years old and—”

Me: “Than act like it, sir. Your tobacco is not worth my job.” *smiling as sweetly as ever* “Have a nice day, sir. Stay safe today.”

A Well-Trained Conductor

| Liverpool, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(I am a passenger travelling on the train when the conductor comes down to check tickets. A passenger in front of me purchases a ticket to the next stop. The train carries on and finally arrives at the next stop of the journey and the conductor notices the passenger is still on board with no intention of moving so approaches the passenger.)

Conductor: “This is your stop.”

Passenger: “No, it’s not.”

Conductor: “You asked for a ticket to the next stop. This is it.”

Passenger: “Well I meant [station several stops away].”

Conductor: “Okay, that’ll be [price].”

Passenger: “Nah, mate.”

Conductor: “You either buy a ticket or get off the train.”

Passenger: “You think I’m soft? I travel this train all the time and never buy a ticket.”

Conductor: “Well, with that information you can either get off this train now or wait here for the police to show up, delaying all of these other passengers.”

(The passenger refuses and the back and forth goes on for a while with customers getting agitated at the passenger. After a few minutes, the conductor goes to the back on the train and makes an announcement.)

Conductor: *over announcement system* “Apologies for the delay of this service. This is due to a lowlife passenger attempting to travel on this service without a valid ticket, who apparently thinks you’re all mugs for buying one.”

(With this, the train erupted into laughter and the passenger quickly got up and ran off the train, avoiding eye contact with everyone. The train then left the station only a few minutes later than planned.)

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