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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Too Hot, Too Cold, Therein Lies The Rib

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A woman orders a rack of ribs. The menu clearly states that it is a FULL rack. When they are ready, I immediately bring them to her table.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God, this is too much! Why didn’t you tell me this was so big? Can you bring these back and ask the chef to cut them in half and put half of them in a box?”

    Me: “Oh, sure. I’ll be right back.”

    (I go to the kitchen and tell the chef the customer’s request.)

    Chef: “Doesn’t she know what a FULL RACK of ribs is?”

    Me: “Apparently not.”

    (He is annoyed, but cuts the rack in half, and boxes half. I bring the box and the remaining ribs back out to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um, miss! These are cold! Why are you serving me cold food?”

    Me: “Well, I’m very sorry; they must have cooled down while I was bringing them back and having him cut them for you. I would be happy to—”

    Customer: “Go tell him to heat them up in a microwave! I’m not eating cold food!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, right away.”

    (I bring the ribs back. The chef looks like he wants to murder me.)

    Chef: “What now?”

    Me: “She says they’re cold.”

    Chef: “Give me the ribs.”

    (He puts them in the microwave for two minutes, and they are piping hot when they come out.)

    Chef: “Here, this should make her happy.”

    (I bring the ribs back to the table a third time. The woman obviously sees the steam rising from the plate, but immediately grabs the ribs. She drops them, crying out in pain.)

    Customer: “Ow! Why are these so hot? Don’t you test the food before you bring it out to make sure it’s not too hot?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any way to test it. It should be cool enough to eat in just a few seconds.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you can’t test it? Just touch it!”

    Me: “You want me to touch your food? With my hands?”

    Customer: “Yes! I don’t see what’s so hard about that! You kids these days! Honestly!”

    Me: “Enjoy your meal, ma’am.”

    Sanity Hanging By A Shoe-String

    | Napa, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work in the sports store’s shoe department. A woman comes in with a group of seven kids behind her, and marches straight up to me.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [store]; how can I help you?”

    Woman: “Yes, I need to get shoes for my kids.”

    Me: “Alright, I can help with that. Which children need shoes?”

    Woman: “All of them.”

    Me: “…all of them?”

    Woman: “Yes, each of them are a different size, too. I also want to get them each three pairs of shoes. Make sure all of the shoes are different, because they don’t want shoes that are like each others. And hurry it up, would you? I don’t have all day!”

    Me: *whimpers silently*

    The Time Travel Times

    | Rotherham, England, UK | Crazy Requests

    (We sell daily and weekly newspapers. The weekly papers come out on a Thursday. It is a Wednesday morning, and I am putting the daily papers out.)

    Customer: “Has tomorrow’s [weekly paper] come in today?”

    Me: “Tomorrow’s [weekly paper]?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want tomorrow’s [weekly paper]. Have they come in today?”

    Me: “No, tomorrow’s [weekly paper] comes in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I was hoping to get tomorrow’s paper today. Do you need to check?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure tomorrow’s [weekly paper] comes in tomorrow, seeing as they probably haven’t even started printing them yet.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s no need to be like that.”

    Needs To Redress That Poster

    | Denmark | Crazy Requests

    (I run a vintage shop, where I sell all kinds of retro and vintage items. I have just learned how to fix broken zippers on jackets, holes in shirts and other things you can do with a sewing machine. I have a poster that says I offer this service, for about $3 per item. A customer approaches my counter.)

    Customer: “Hello, I saw your poster. I was wondering if I could get you to make a wedding dress for my daughter? She’s about the same size as you. It needs to be white, with puffed shoulders, and roses with glitter. Not real roses, but fabric ones. It needs to be a full-length skirt.”

    Me: “Sounds like a pretty dress, but my sewing skills are really nowhere near high enough to make a wedding dress. I only fix zippers and holes in shirts, and such.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! It’s a very simple dress! Anyone can make that kind of dress, so why can’t you? Listen, I know your poster says £3 per item, but I’m willing to make it $15. Then you also have enough to buy the fabric!”

    Me: “Listen, I think you misunderstood what I said. I can’t make that dress; it’s not possible for me. And even if I could, which I really can’t, $15 would never be enough to buy fabric for a full-length skirt and puffed shoulders. I’m really sorry, but you need to find someone else to make the dress.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Your poster says you sew stuff! And now you say you can’t make a simple wedding dress? That’s false advertisement! Where’s your manager? I need to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager; I’m really sorry, but—”

    Customer: “Then get me the owner!”

    Me: “I’m also the owner of this store, but if you would just—”

    Customer: “What the h***! Then where do I file a complaint, so I can get your a** fired for false advertisement?”

    (I usually don’t get angry, but the woman is now getting on my nerves.)

    Me: “Lady! You need to listen! I can not make that wedding dress, because my sewing skills are not that great!”

    Customer: “But the—”

    Me: “—and if you would just pay a little more attention to what you read, the poster clearly states I only do small sewing tasks and fix-ups! It doesn’t say I do full-length wedding dresses! So please, if you would just be so kind to find someone else to make the dress, that would be lovely! Have a nice day, madam!”

    (The customer stands there for a few seconds, trying to find an argument she can use against me. When she fails, she leaves the store. Another customer, who’s been there the whole time, suddenly bursts out in laughter.)

    Other Customer: “Hahaha! If my future wife came down the aisle in a dress with puffy shoulders and roses with glitter, I think I would leave her at the altar! And to get that woman as a mother-in-law? H*** no!”

    Knot Possible

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I work in the lumber department of my store. I spot an older customer, studying our 2×4 lumber. She looks very sour.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am. Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a 2×4, but I don’t want one with knots.”

    Me: “Well, that’s going to be tricky with these. Just about every one that I’ve ever seen has a least a few knots here and there.”

    Customer: “No, I need one with no knots. I’m working on a project and if there are knots, the wood will break.”

    Me: “Well, I have some pieces of pine select; no knots in them at all!”

    Customer: “Oh, I looked at those. They’re too expensive; I’m on a pension you know. What about that one up there? It looks clean.”

    (The customer points to a fresh lift of lumber, and it indeed looks clean, but the home is full.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m willing to bet that they’ll have just as many knots as this lift.”

    Customer: “Show me!”

    (I begin the process of getting a driver, and pulling down the lift. Due to the fact that I have to close down the main lumber aisle to due so, two assistant managers are watching me. As they watch, I open the lift and start sorting through the pieces, showing the older lady that they all have knots in them.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

    (After she leaves, one of the managers walks over to me.)

    Manager: “What was wrong with the wood?”

    Me: “She didn’t want any knots in her 2×4.”

    Manager: “Yeah, find a tree without branches and we’ll give her a 2×4 without knots.”

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