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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    First Get Assurance You Have The Right Insurance

    , | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    Me: “Motor Claims, this is [my name].”

    Customer: “God, finally. I’ve been on hold to you for ages! My claim number is [insert number].”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Here, let me ring this up for you.”

    (I get halfway through before I realize something is off about the number the customer has given me.)

    Customer: “I’m sick to the teeth! I need to know what you guys are doing with my car!”

    Me: “Uhm, ma’am—”

    Customer: “You keep telling me it will be ready this week! Someone will call me back! Blah blah blah!”

    Me: “Ma—”

    Customer: “Just tell me what’s going on with my car!”

    Me: “I… can’t.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I can’t tell you what’s going on with your car.”

    Customer: “Wait, why not?!”

    Me: “This isn’t one of our claim numbers.”

    Customer: “Is this [other insurance company]?”

    Me: “No, madam. This is [insurance company].”

    Customer: “Well f***. I just wasted half an hour of my life.” *click*

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11

    | PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I’m a regular at a particular location of a major book store chain and know where most of the books are. I usually get something at the cafe and a few books, and make a habit of re-shelving everything myself once I’m done. As I’m re-shelving books one evening, a man approaches me.)

    Man: “You. I want to find a book for my wife.”

    Man’s Wife: “I just need new tricks or tips on Sudoku.”

    Me: “Oh! I love Sudoku. Well, it looks like you’re in the right section. Did you not spot anything you like?”

    Man: “Can’t you just look up what she needs for her?”

    (I smile and remain generally pleasant, mainly because I think this is funny every time it happens.)

    Me: “I don’t actually work here, but if you have the title, sir, just go to the service counter right there. They can find it for you.”

    Man: “I just want a book my wife can look at right now. Why can’t you just get it for us?”

    Me: “Well… these are books of more puzzles. Um… I don’t actually work here, sir. But if you’re having a hard time finding a suitable book, you can always Google up keywords like ‘sudoku tips’ or ‘solving sudoku’.”

    Man: “Yes, but do you have it in a book?”

    Me: “Sir, if you would go to the service counter and ask, I’m sure they can find it for you.”

    Man: “You! Why can’t you find it!?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t work here. If you go to the counter, an employee could help you look something up in their computer.”

    Man: “You’re not going to help us find this book?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t be sure where to start, but an employee—”

    (An employee that has been walking toward us in the last part of the conversation finally comes up next to me.)

    Employee: “I can take over.”

    Me: “—can take over from here. Thanks, bye!”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Soft-Selling

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

    (We have got a new mattress, so I put the old one up on Craigslist. It’s free to the first person who comes to pick it up. Shortly after I post the ad, my phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “I’m calling about the mattress. Yeah, is it a pillow-top?”

    Me: “No, sorry, it isn’t.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, I need a pillow-top. I’m having surgery next week, and I need a mattress with some support.”

    Me: “I understand.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Caller: “So what are you going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: *angrily* “I need a pillow-top mattress!”

    Me: “Um, well, good luck?”

    Unable To Think Outside The Box

    | Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling Tech Support.”

    Customer: “Hi, I bought a [brand name] laptop, and I want to get it set up. Can you talk me through it?”

    Me: “Sure, when you turn on the computer you’ll be asked to type in the user name you want to use—”

    Customer: “I haven’t gotten that far yet. How do I open the box?”

    Me: “Really, you want me to talk you through opening the box?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is this a prank call?”

    Customer: “No…”

    (The customer actually kept me on the line for 30 minutes asking me how to open the box her laptop came in!)

    Stupidity Can Permeate

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am working a ten-hour shift in a supermarket, and it’s my job to make sure all the checkouts are running smoothly.)

    Customer: “I was just enquiring about my free gift!”

    Me: “Free gift?”

    Customer: “Yeah, there was a sign next to where I picked up the milk, it said ‘something’ free. I want my free gift!”

    Me: “I’m not sure about any promotions with our milk, but let me go to the milk fridge and check for you.”

    (I go down to the milk fridge to check the customers query, and notice the ticket says “Permeate Free”. It is this new change to Australian milk, which now is free of a certain chemical that used to prolong the life of milk. I head back up to the counter.)

    Customer: “About time you came back! WHERE’S MY FREE GIFT!”

    Me: “Uhm, ma’am, the ‘gift’ you were enquiring about was our ‘permeate free’ condition.”

    Customer: “I don’t care; give me my free permeate!”

    Me: “Permeate is an additive of milk, and not a promotion. I can’t give that to you.”

    (The customer doesn’t even acknowledge my response out of embarrassment, and quickly pays for her groceries and flees the store. The next customer has been paying attention to this whole argument.)

    Next Customer: “Can I have my free permeate as well? Haha, only joking. What a knob!”

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