• The Medium Suddenly Felt Very Small
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Ordering In All Colors But Only Seeing Red

    | South Africa | Crazy Requests

    (I am taking a large stationery order for an insurance office over the phone. The call is already into its fifteenth minute:)

    Customer: “Do you have any of those things that hold little squares of paper?”

    Me: “Desk cubes? Yes, sure we do.”

    Customer: “What colour do they come in?”

    Me: “Black, dark blue, burgundy, or dark green.”

    Customer: “Do you have pink?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we only have them in black, dark blue, burgundy, or dark green.”

    Customer: “What about a really jazzy bright green?”

    Me: “As far as greens go, we only have dark green, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Why do they only make them in four colours?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about yellow, then?”

    Me: *head on desk*

    (The next item she ordered was paper-clips, and you can bet we had the same conversation about those, too.)

    Blowing A Lid Over A Cichlid

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (A customer comes up to me with a 20 gallon tank in her cart.)

    Customer: “You got any of those ‘chicklid’ fish?”

    Me: “You mean cichlids? Yes, ma’am, we do. Were you looking for a particular species?”

    Customer: “D***, I don’t know… How about that one?”

    (She points to our tank of juvenile tiger-oscars, a fish that can easily grow to a foot in length. Because of this, we do not allow them to be sold unless the person has or is buying a tank of at least 50 gallons.)

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. If you’d like a tiger-oscar, you will have to buy a bigger tank, though, along with a heater and filter. These fish get very large.”

    (I quickly explain the final size and tank requirements for the species.)

    Customer: “S***! I’m not buying no 50 gallon for a stupid fish!”

    Me: *ignoring her comment* “I’d be happy to show you other species that are perfect for the tank you’ve picked out.”

    Customer: “No! I need something for my kids to look at TONIGHT! They won’t be able to see no pathetic little guppy! I want that ‘chicklid!'”

    (She continues yelling at me to get her the fish while refusing to buy a filter, heater, or even gravel for the tank.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I cannot sell you a fish that you’ll be putting into a bare tank of stagnant water.”

    Customer: “You can’t deny me a sale! I am a customer and I deserve that fish!”

    Me: “My job is to care for these animals first. You are wanting to buy a live animal and that comes with requirements and responsibilities. As I said before, I am more than happy to show you other species that are better suited to your tank size but I will not sell you a tiger-oscar.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager. You’re being mean to me!”

    (I got my manager, who promptly agreed with my decision to not sell to her. She then asked to speak to the regional manager who also agreed with us. Furious, she stormed out of our store and vowed to never come back… not that we would have let her.)

    Not In Good Company

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s my first week on the job, working in a retail store selling bed linen, table linen etc. I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I was in [different store] and they said you had covers for futons.”

    Me: “I’ll just check for you.” *put the phone on hold, and turn to a coworker* “Do we have futon covers?”

    Coworker: “No, but sometimes king sized quilt covers fit them.”

    Me: *gets back on phone* “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have futon covers but we do have king sized quilt covers that might fit.”

    Caller: “No, king quilt covers are too small for my futon and [different store] said that you would have them.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them.”

    Me: “They are mistaken. We don’t.”

    Caller: “They said you had them.”

    Me:  “No, we don’t. The closest thing we have is king sized quilt covers.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them!”

    Me: “Maybe you could ring them back.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “To ask them exactly where we keep them. They seem to know more about this shop than I do.”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, they’ve told you that we, in a completely different company, have them and you believe them over me, who actually works in the company.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t have any?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Okay, bye.” *click*

    Lawless And Clueless

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (I work as a receptionist at a retirement home.)

    Resident #1: “I want you to call the police right away.”

    Me: “Um. May I ask why?”

    Resident #1: “I called for a taxi and it still isn’t here. I want the police to arrest the driver.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry about your wait but I don’t think the police should be involved with something like that.”

    Resident #1: “I don’t care. I’m a very important person. I have connections. Call the police.”

    Me: “Why don’t I call the taxi company to see where it is? I mean, it’s not like the driver can break traffic laws just to pick you up.”

    Resident #1: “I am above the law. With one word I can get this whole company shut down. I can—”

    Resident #2: *slowly walks up to desk with walker* “Is that your taxi outside?”

    Resident #1: “Ah, yes. Goodbye.”

    Resident #2: *waits until the first resident leaves* “What a b****.”

    Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a restaurant that only sells fried chicken. My manager answers the phone.)

    Manager: “Welcome to [Chicken Place]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, [Pizza Place]?”

    Manager: “No, this is [Chicken Place].”

    Caller: “I’d like two large pizzas with–”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this is–”

    Caller: *shouting over her* “PEPPERONI! And I want those green peppers and don’t put on that seasoning stuff–”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a pizza place. This is–”

    Caller: “And on one of those, on half, I want sausage.”

    Manager: “We don’t sell pizza!”

    Caller: “Do you still do that special crust? With the cheese?”

    Manager: “No, we–”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. I’ll just take the regular crust, then. How much is it?”

    Manager: *facepalming incredibly hard* “Ma’am. We do not sell pizza. We sell chicken. This is [Chicken Place].”

    Caller: “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

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