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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

    Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

    Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

    Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

    Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

    Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

    (The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain, Part 2

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Could I get the whisky gravy without whisky please?”

    Me: “Of course, I’ll ask the chef to make your dish with plain gravy.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want plain gravy! I want the whisky gravy without the whisky!”

    Me: “Sir, the whisky gravy without whisky is just plain gravy.”

    (This goes on for a minute or two. The customer’s wife turns and whispers to me.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Just bring him plain gravy; it’ll take him a while to figure it out.”

    Related:
    Too Much Gravy For The Brain

    Whiskers Away From Fur-Ball Abuse

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work for a small, privately owned, non-profit, no-kill animal shelter. We are full to capacity as kitten season is in full swing. A woman calls wanting to give up her cat to us.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but we are currently full and have no open cages.”

    Customer: “So if I bring you guys a cage, you’ll take my cat?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see, we have no room for another cage.”

    Customer: “You can’t just shove the cat in a corner somewhere?”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid not, ma’am. However, I can provide you with the names and phone numbers of several other local shelters that may be able to help you.”

    Customer: “Oh, that sounds good! Do you know if they’ll be able to take my cat?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “To save time, please only give me numbers of shelters who have room for my cat!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we are a private shelter, and not affiliated with any other locations. I wouldn’t know how many vacancies other shelters have at the moment.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?! That’s so unprofessional! You should know things like that!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m generally too busy feeding the animals in the morning to call around to every local shelter and ask how many open cages they have that day.”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD! YOU SHOULD SPEND LESS TIME WORRYING ABOUT ANIMALS, AND MORE TIME HELPING CUSTOMERS!”

    First Get Assurance You Have The Right Insurance

    , | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    Me: “Motor Claims, this is [my name].”

    Customer: “God, finally. I’ve been on hold to you for ages! My claim number is [insert number].”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Here, let me ring this up for you.”

    (I get halfway through before I realize something is off about the number the customer has given me.)

    Customer: “I’m sick to the teeth! I need to know what you guys are doing with my car!”

    Me: “Uhm, ma’am—”

    Customer: “You keep telling me it will be ready this week! Someone will call me back! Blah blah blah!”

    Me: “Ma—”

    Customer: “Just tell me what’s going on with my car!”

    Me: “I… can’t.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I can’t tell you what’s going on with your car.”

    Customer: “Wait, why not?!”

    Me: “This isn’t one of our claim numbers.”

    Customer: “Is this [other insurance company]?”

    Me: “No, madam. This is [insurance company].”

    Customer: “Well f***. I just wasted half an hour of my life.” *click*

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11

    | PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I’m a regular at a particular location of a major book store chain and know where most of the books are. I usually get something at the cafe and a few books, and make a habit of re-shelving everything myself once I’m done. As I’m re-shelving books one evening, a man approaches me.)

    Man: “You. I want to find a book for my wife.”

    Man’s Wife: “I just need new tricks or tips on Sudoku.”

    Me: “Oh! I love Sudoku. Well, it looks like you’re in the right section. Did you not spot anything you like?”

    Man: “Can’t you just look up what she needs for her?”

    (I smile and remain generally pleasant, mainly because I think this is funny every time it happens.)

    Me: “I don’t actually work here, but if you have the title, sir, just go to the service counter right there. They can find it for you.”

    Man: “I just want a book my wife can look at right now. Why can’t you just get it for us?”

    Me: “Well… these are books of more puzzles. Um… I don’t actually work here, sir. But if you’re having a hard time finding a suitable book, you can always Google up keywords like ‘sudoku tips’ or ‘solving sudoku’.”

    Man: “Yes, but do you have it in a book?”

    Me: “Sir, if you would go to the service counter and ask, I’m sure they can find it for you.”

    Man: “You! Why can’t you find it!?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t work here. If you go to the counter, an employee could help you look something up in their computer.”

    Man: “You’re not going to help us find this book?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t be sure where to start, but an employee—”

    (An employee that has been walking toward us in the last part of the conversation finally comes up next to me.)

    Employee: “I can take over.”

    Me: “—can take over from here. Thanks, bye!”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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