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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    The Movie Tale Is In The (Lack Of) Telling

    | Israel | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I am a temp for a large mobile services provider, in a call center dedicated to the provider’s loyalty program. Every summer they would give out free books, movie tickets, etc. on particular dates for all paying customers. The caller in this call was around 40 years old.)

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Provider]’s loyalty program. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I want the free movie.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Madam, but the free movie offer ended last week. We have a free book offer this week—”

    Caller: “No, I don’t want any books. I just want the free movie you promised.”

    Me: “Again, Madam, I’m sorry, but that offer is now over.”

    Caller: “But I didn’t know about it on time!”

    Me: “Well, Madam, that’s unfortunate, but you’re welcome to take advantage of the offers we still have—”

    Caller: “No. You will give me a free movie! Make an exception! Talk to your manager!”

    Me: “Madam, we cannot make an exception. The company signed a contract with [Cinema Chain] for a specific period. Now that the period is done, there’s nothing we can do about it.”

    Caller: “But you should have told me! No one told me so it’s your fault and I want the free movie!”

    Me: “Madam, we had ads on billboards in several major streets in your city—”

    Caller: “I don’t go out much.”

    Me: “We also had ads in every major newspaper—”

    Caller: “I don’t read any newspapers.”

    Me: “And several major radio stations—”

    Caller: “I don’t listen to the radio.”

    Me: “And there was a colourful ad in your monthly bill—”

    Caller: “I always disregard those.”

    Me: “And a whole ton of ads on our website and major news websites—”

    Caller: “I don’t use the Internet.”

    Me: “And every single client of [Provider] got a text message about it.”

    Caller: “Oh, those I never read.”

    Me: “Then how, Madam, did you expect us to inform you of this offer, if you disregard every single publicity method we use?”

    Caller: *reproachfully* “Well, I’d expect you to call me!”

    Smoking Before She Even Gets Cigarettes

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashiering without a bagger at the farthest register from the front service center.)

    Me: “How are you doing today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You need to go get me a pack of d*** cigarettes.” *continues texting*

    Me: “I’m not allowed to leave my register and don’t have a bagger to run and get some. How about you go grab them while I finish ringing up/bagging the rest of your items?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I said, please go grab them while I finish your order. I can’t leave now.”

    Customer: “Did you seriously just say I… should go get them MYSELF?!”

    Me: “Yes, I did…”

    Customer: “OH, MY GOD! You can’t be serious! If you think I should go get them, then you are crazy!”

    (She then grabs a bagger who is obviously helping out another customer.)

    Customer: “You need to go get me my cigarettes now before I FLIP OUT!”

    Bagger: “…okay.”

    Customer: “And I am telling your manager about how rude you are!”

    Giving You No Middle-Ground

    | WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like that ham, please.”

    (The customer makes a vague gesture toward several trays of ham.)

    Me: *pointing to the ham closest to her hand wave* “This one?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: *pointing to another ham* “Was it this one?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Can you tell me what ham it says on the tag, ma’am?”

    Customer: *very rudely* “It’s the one in the middle!”

    (I look at the six trays of ham. There is no middle. This exchange goes repeats until I eventually point to the ham she wants.)

    Customer: “You should probably be more attentive, miss. I need some cheese now.”

    Me: “Of course. What kind would you like?”

    (The customer waves her hand toward the case containing over twenty kinds of cheeses.)

    Customer: “Give me two packages of that.”

    Not Very Closed Minded

    | CA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (It is 20 minutes after closing, and I am helping my coworker count the drawers. The phone rings, and typically, by protocol, we do not answer if it is the local area code. However, the area code for this number matches head office’s, so we decide to pick it up if they try calling again. Sure enough, the phone rings a second time with the same number. My coworker picks it up and relays the rest of the conversation to me afterward.)

    Coworker: “[Bookstore], [City].”

    Customer: “Hi, are you open?”

    Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we closed a half hour ago.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, when are you open?”

    Coworker: “10 am.”

    Customer: “Okay… Can I ask you a question about a book?”

    Coworker: “…10 am.”

    (He hangs up.)

    Coworker: “Next time, I’ll ask them to hold and then pick up the phone at 10 am tomorrow and say, ‘Okay, I can take your question now.’ That’ll show ’em.”

    Pot Calling The Kettle Black… Eventually

    | San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Time

    (I’m helping a customer who is picking up an Internet order. One of the items was damaged so he’s trying to decide if he wants to take it or return it. Another customer comes in line and is waiting no more than 60 seconds.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Can you just do my return since this guy is obviously not ready?!”

    (I look at the customer I’m helping and he nods at me to go ahead and help her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me help you over here.”

    Customer: “Good, I’m in a hurry and some people just want to take their time when others are ready to go! Now, let me just find my receipt.”

    (She spent the next three minutes digging through her purse and a crazy stack of receipts. Glad her time is more important than everyone else’s.)

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