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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Thank God Christmas Comes But Once A Year

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (Due to poor customer service by a coworker, my manager is helping a customer with Christmas items. He gives her expensive live trees for $10 each and some free Christmas lights to make up for my coworker. He apologizes and thanks the customer before leaving to deal with another issue. This is what I hear when the customer goes to the services desk to pay and complain to the desk clerk.)

    Customer: “I am never shopping here again! That was horrible service.”

    Clerk: “I am so sorry about the mix up with [Coworker]. That usually doesn’t happen. [Manager] took care of you though? Right?”

    Customer: “I don’t care about what happened with [Coworker]! [Manager] was so rude! It was TERRIBLE and offensive!”

    Clerk: *shocked* “What happened with [Manager]?”

    Customer: “He didn’t wish me a Merry Christmas! He ruined my Christmas shopping trip by being a heathen! I’m going to complain to his boss!”

    (Yes, she did complain to our store manager and wrote a scathing review on our company’s ‘comment about us’ service! Thankfully, our awesome manager was not reprimanded, but was quite disappointed with the old proverb that you can’t please everyone!)

    Arguing To The Bitter End

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (First thing in the morning we had a mishap which resulted in both our tea urns to be filled with sweet tea. Unfortunately, several customers got sweet tea instead of unsweet before we noticed the mix up.)

    Coworker: *over headset* “Look out! This customer got the wrong tea and is really mad!”

    (As my coworker speaks, a customer speeds up to my window. As soon as I open the window she throws her tea at me and starts screaming.)

    Customer: “I’ll get you b******s for this! How dare you do this to me! I demand compensation for my troubles! You little s***s could have killed me!”

    (Although soaked in sticky tea, I make her a new drink. I get an okay from my manager to pacify her with a small dessert item. Meanwhile, she has been screaming through the closed window the whole time.)

    Me: “Here is your tea, ma’am. Again, I’m sorry for the mix up.”

    Customer: “Don’t you lie to me. I know you don’t give a s*** about me or any of your other customers!”

    Me: “In any case, ma’am, my manager has offered you a small dessert item for your troubles. We have chocolate chip or oatmeal cookies. We also have hot apple pies.”

    Customer: “I can’t have any of that crap! I can’t have any sugar or I’ll DIE! See, you don’t care at all. Lying little b****! I’ll never eat here again!”

    (Later in my shift during lunch, a very familiar woman comes up to the counter and targets me.)

    Customer: “You! You need to get me two dozen of each of your cookies. Make it fast!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Four dozen cookies comes to [price].”

    Customer: “Oh, h*** no! I was told I’d get them for free! You f*****d up my order this morning. The manager said I could have free cookies! Just ask them.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you the manager did not agree to give you four dozen cookies for free.”

    Customer: “Yes, they did! I hope you’re fired for this. You are just as rude as that little b**** that sabotaged my order!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did not sabotage your order. While I did offer you a small bag of cookies or an apple pie this morning, you turned it down. At no point was there ever an agreement that you could come in at your discretion and demand cookies from us. I’m sorry, ma’am. I must ask you to leave if you are not going to place an order.”

    (A look of slow realization passes her face when she recognizes me as the employee she harassed earlier.)

    Customer: “Well, fine! I didn’t want your crummy cookies anyway!”

    Powerless To Help

    | Wooster, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (There is a horrible ice storm that knocks out the power to almost the entire city. I am passing a room when a customer in only a towel opens her door and catches me.)

    Customer: “I don’t have power.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. The power is down.”

    Customer: “When will it be up?”

    Me: “I… don’t know? Whenever the power company can get it back up?”

    (The customer huffs at me and goes back in her room. A few minutes later, I am coming out of the laundry room again. The same customer stops me, still in just her towel.)

    Customer: “I need to dry my hair.”

    Me: “I can get you more towels.”

    Customer: *holds up her hair dryer* “I need this.”

    Me: “As I told you, ma’am, there’s no power.”

    Customer: “Well, can I take it up to the front desk?”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Customer: “They have plugs, don’t they?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but they have no power. The power is out all over the city.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (The customer closes the door, and opens it again immediately.)

    Customer: “What about the bank?!”

    Me: “The bank…?”

    Customer: “The one across the street! They have power!”

    (I go to the window and look out. The bank and the entire strip it’s part of are dark.)

    Me: “They don’t have power, ma’am.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! I just need a f****** plug to plug my hair dryer in! Why can’t you just—”

    (A hand falls on her shoulder from in the room and she’s pulled back inside. Her husband sticks his head out and mouths ‘sorry’ at me before shutting the door.)

    Trying To Use Yards Is Too Much Of A Feet For Some

    | Gladstone, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (I am picking up some fabric at a large craft store. I am waiting in line to have it cut. A very loud customer cuts in front of everyone to ask about a bolt of fabric she’s carrying.)

    Customer #1: “How much is this fabric?”

    Employee: “It’s $9.99 per yard, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t want to know how much per yard. I want to know how much per foot!”

    Employee: “That would be a third of a yard. So, it would be $3.33.”

    Customer #1: “No! Not one third of a yard! ONE FOOT! How much per foot does it cost?!”

    (Another customer in line decides to interject.)

    Customer #2: “One third of a yard is a foot. Three feet make one yard. So it’s $3.33 per foot.”

    Customer #1: “Who asked you!? You don’t even work here! What do you f****** know?!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, please watch your language. Also, [Customer #2] is correct. Now if you’ll please take a number, I’ll help you when it’s your turn.”

    (Customer #1 throws the bolt of fabric on the counter.)

    Customer #1: “I’ll need two five-foot pieces for my curtains. Exactly five foot. I measured twice!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, you need to take a number. All of these people were here before you.”

    (All the other customers agree that the employee should just go ahead and help the customer so that she will leave.)

    Employee: “Okay. You want three and one third yards in two pieces. So, that would be one yard and .65 of a yard.”

    (The employee mumbles to herself as she tries to figure out how much the last .65 would be.)

    Customer #1: “No! I’m not paying for yards! I f****** want two pieces of fabric, five-feet long each! Why is that so hard for you to understand!?”

    Customer #2: “Because, you stupid cow, fabric is sold by the yard, not by the foot! So her measurements are by the yard. That’s how she has to price it. By the way, if your windows are exactly 5 ft tall, how are you going to hem them and run a curtain rod through them?”

    Customer: “I’m not going to sew them. Not that it’s any of your f****** business! I’m going to cut holes in them and run those little plastic rings through the holes.”

    (Sure enough, the customer has two packs of white plastic SHOWER rings in her cart, and a long pressure SHOWER rod.)

    Customer #2: “Those are for a shower curtains! But, sure; you do that. I’m sure it will look freaking spectacular with your ghetto neon purple curtains.”

    (The employee starts unrolling the fabric and measures out the pieces. Then she folds it up and prints the label which she then pins to the fabric.)

    Customer #1: “ARGH! You’ve just f****** ruined it! Now it has a pinhole in it! I’m not paying for that! You cut me two new pieces and don’t put no d*** pins in it!”

    (At this, yet another customer feels the need to interject.)

    Customer #3: “Oh, my god, lady! There won’t be any holes in it! That’s fleece! They always put a pin in the label to hold it on there!”

    (The customer storms off, taking the fabric with her. As I’m as seamstress for a local renaissance festival, I’m in this store quite a lot. I witness the customer in there again three days later. She is complaining to a manager about the width of the fabric for her curtains, which now have holes cut in the top and those little shower rings put through.)

    Customer #1: “This fabric is not wide enough! She cut it the wrong way!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, first off we do not do returns on cut fabric unless it was not cut to your measurements. And second, that fabric was not cut in width, it was cut in length. It comes 45 inches wide on the bolt.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I don’t want it 45 inches wide. I want it wider! So it will hang right on the walls.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, as I’ve said, it only comes in 45 inches wide. I can’t help you with that. It was already cut, AND you’ve cut holes in it.”

    Customer #1: “No, no. The woman cut it sideways! I watched her do it! She just didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t even know how to do feet, she wanted to do it in yards.”

    Me: *to the manager* “Miss, I saw the whole thing the other day. The employee definitely cut it properly, and exactly how this customer wanted it. And, yes, she measured it in feet after the customer insisted she do so.”

    Customer #1: “No one is f****** talking to you, b****!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please do not come back to this store. Ever!”

    Customer #1: “You’re f****** right, I’m not coming back! You pieces of s*** don’t know how to cut s*** properly!”

    (Customer #1 throws the fabric in the trash on the way out the door, while mumbling about employees with their head up their a**. The manager pulls the fabric out of the trash.)

    Manager: “Does anyone want three yards of neon purple fleece fabric with shower curtain rings!?”

    A Minor Mistake, Part 2

    | Northland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m the night supervisor at a supermarket. I’m in my 20s but look younger than I am.)

    Customer: “I have wine here. You’ll need to call your supervisor.”

    Me: “That’s okay, ma’am. I am the supervisor on duty tonight.”

    Customer: “Really? Surely you have to be old enough to drink it before you can sell it.”

    Me: “Well, yes. But I am old enough to drink and have been for a few years now.”

    Customer: “No, you haven’t. You look like a child.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you. I’m in my 20s. But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

    (The customer begins to rant about child labour laws.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night.”

    Customer: “GO TO BED!”

    Related:
    A Minor Mistake

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